Writing and taking pictures.
Those are the only two things I do for myself.
I feel like I can finally breathe.
It's amusing how unleashing inner creativity
can make you feel whole.
Like a child, learning to color their world for the first time.
Out of the womb, taking your first breaths.
Or taking your first breaths,
after feeling like you've been suffocated for months.
As an "adult"
being cast inside a 'box'
I've learned to fall in love with the beauty
of others art.
And basque in the comfort of my own.

there are people I must thank.
when i feel happy

I appreciate your candour;
Your scars;
Your heart.
I appreciate each word;
That comes out of your mouth.

Your voice soothes;
It calms;
It heals.
My system responds;
At peace;
At ease.

I appreciate your smile;
Your eyes;
Your lies.
You said you'd never leave;
But then you said bye.

My heart is in pieces,
But I'll pick them up.
I'll place them together;
I'll stand up tall.

I was abandoned;
By you;
My love.
But I'm thanking you;
You made me strong.

I don't know what to think
I don't know what to say
I never thought it'd happen
But it happened just today

I've liked him all these years
I watched and loved and prayed
He never, ever noticed me
So I lingered, quite dismayed

But now the tide had changed
And pulled me right along
So here I document the change
In this poem, my heart's song

It seems he saw me watching
It seems he sensed my love
It seems an even greater one
Heard my praying from above

So I don't know what to think
And I don't know what to say
I never thought it'd happen
Yet it happened just today

Thank you Mom, thank you pop
You raised me to be strong, you taught me to be kind
Thank you Aunty, thank you Uncle
You encouraged a young boy’s inquisitive mind
And thank you no one, for from you I learned the rest
For when it’s only you, you’re put to a grueling test
Left alone I realized that God was not for me
But that I longed for a people, my own community.
In a space so dominated by what you all thought,
I wasn’t supposed to be.
A small boy full of fun and creativity
A young man full of angst and anxiety
A creature who just longs to be free
So thank you school, you told me I could be anything
It’s a shame you lied to me
I achieved by myself, a personality
Incomplete but full of joy that was slowly robbed from me
An adult with only ideas of what he should even be
No concrete facts just examples and advice
“Get a solid job, then everything will work out”
Well isn’t that nice…
So to cope I found a vice
A bottle then a pipe
I rolled the dice
And still, I could use some advice
So thank no one
For the nothing that I’ve figured out in life

i shouted, "i love you"
and you answered me, "who are you"
dear, i felt that
the possibility of loving me is really just a lonely dot.

i was hurt
but i treated that a dirt.
but one taught me to be grateful for everything.
and i'll just thank you even if you did nothing.

i'll just thank you -
even if i was hurting,
even if you don't know me.
i'll just thank you -
even if you don't love me.

THANK YOU for...
the lessons
the heart break
the faith I had in you that became disappointment and loss
the waiting I did to receive one text
the happiness you gave me in the moment then briskly took it away
      for days
the hope you gave me for the future that you knew would never
     happen... but I thought it would
teaching me to be not so naive

because now I am beginning to love again and it would not be the same if you hadn't hurt me.

Thank you, sincerely,
     the one who could have been yours truly.