hi

beware of getting close to me.

we can be friends for a while,

and then i’ll get attached.

that’s when things get sour

i fall apart thinking about what you think about.

growing close to you is terrifying..

and i can’t quite go with it.

I’m sorry

i’m scared

i’m not good at this.

Can we forget that this existed?

I'm scared
I'm terrified
Petrified.
It's such a constant
           feeling
                        now

Never in my life
      have I felt
      consumed by a
      feeling

My heart beats
      with fear

Each thud
Each dud
       dread.

Quietly it goes
       pumping this
       pain throughout
       my bones.

I am scared.

not many people know what it feels like to cut themselves open in slow motion and feel the blood drops change from raindrops to tidal waves before their very eyes,
that were coincidently dripping too.
similar to the way it felt when my feelings for you started to pour through and all i could do was try to hold them all back and stitch up the cracks before i'd lost too much and fallen too hard, landing in a puddle of red that could very well have been what was left of my broken heart.


↠mndi➣

Can you blame me?
For being terrified?
I walked into this life
Like a lamb to slaughter
Wide-eyed
Innocent
Not knowing the people I trusted
Would put a gun to my head
Look away
And pull the trigger
Then carry my body away
To be ripped apart
And distributed
All the way muttering,
"She's just like the others
Stupid and
Unaware
Of how harsh
Life can really be"

The days go slow and fast
At the same time
College looms at the end
Of the tunnel
Though I'm still not sure if
I'm terrified or excited for the change

I have a girl
I wish I could fall in love with
But I can't forget the fact
That I'm leaving.

I want the summer
To disappear
so I can get to the parties
The adventure
The college girls
The college boys.

I want to leave behind
My bad reputation
My bad relationships
My bad memories...

I want to learn
I want to grow
I want to be wild and crazy
I want to break through
All of my walls I've built

But the days drag by
The more I think about it
And my heart breaks
The more I think of leaving my sister
And I can't decide if I'm terrified
Or excited for the next day to come

i know we are
terrified of each other
in the most oblivious way
and that you kissed that girl
with lips tainted in cigarette
smoke last friday because
you thought it would make you
whole; but my dear

heartbreaker, she broke
you in a single touch.