My whole body was flooded with agony from head to toe as the tears poured from the corner of my eyes. You stood infront of me saying not a word with your head bowed down. I also kept silent but it wasn't because I didn't have any words, it was because I had so much to say but I knew it didn't mean anything anymore. Those unspoken words have never left my mind to this day...

But I knew it was pointless. I turned my back and took a few steps and as I was walking I realized I wasn't just walking away from my best friend, my lover and my entire world. But I was walking away from everything I had put into you.

All the work and effort I had put into you. I had tried to fix you, but I couldn't. You were unfixable. Never in my life had I ever failed at anything before. I mean, I had failed a test before and had failed at games and other things of such. But I never quit, because it's in my nature to strive for success. You are the only thing in my life I have ever failed at. But I couldn't turn back. I kept walking away from you. I was so broken and ruined and overall just drained. I was mentally exhausted. I had tried so hard, more than you deserved and more than any other girl would have put up with, but I did all of it because I loved you.

Then I stopped walking away. I stood still, wiping away remains of smeared mascara from my cheeks with the cuff of my hoodie. I had to stop sticking up for you like I always did. I didn't fail you, no, you failed me. You let me down. You didn't give me support and unconditional love and acceptance the way I did for you. You changed me and brought out the worst and darkest side of me. I lifted you up and you pushed me down. You failed me.

But it was okay, it really was. Because like I said, I'm not a quiter, I'm a succeeder. I find solutions and different paths to achieve success. And I knew then that I was stronger then I realized. I was going to get through this. I didn't lose, fail or quit. In the end I won, because I lost someone who didn't love me but you lost someone who truly loved and adored you more than anyone or anything in the whole world. You lost the girl who would have done anything and everything for you just to see you smile at her own expense. And I wanted you to know that you may have wrecked me but I was going to pick up the pieces and rebuild myself up again, stronger than ever. So when you see me later on in life, you will see me succeeding and you will have failed without me, the only person who pushed you to strive for success. I wanted to promise you that you were going to regret ******* up with me.

So I turned around and walked back to you as you opened your arms to embrace me. I shoved away the arms that once made me feel at home. I looked you in the very eyes I used to get lost in and I then said what I needed you to know.

"I am the best thing that has ever happened to you. When everyone had given up on you I believed in you. I didn't give up on you. Why? Because you don't give up on people you love. And I loved you. I loved you more than anything. It wasn't easy to always stick by you. I lost and destroyed myself by falling in love with you. But I did it all because I loved you. You're going to look back and remember me and everything I did for you. And then once you realize that I was so good, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life once everyone has given up on you and you're going to wish I was by your side again. You're going to remember me and remember that I was the girl who you broke. "

And then I walked away and never again looked back.

The best memory I have of us is from April of 2014. We had just celebrated our 6 month anniversary a few days before and my birthday was less than a week away. I was extremely happy we had been together so long and so excited to be spending my birthday with you. Everything was perfect, and we were so happy. Our hands were locked within eachothers as we walked to our usual spot after school where we then waited for my mom to pick us up. You threw your backpack against the wall as I gently placed mine next to yours. I was so focused on my phone and was scrolling through my Facebook feed. That's when you came up from behind me and wrapped your arms around my waist. You began to attack my cheeks with your kisses. While I was laughing you leaned in for a kiss. My heart melted like butter inside. I put my phone away and put my arms around your neck as I looked into your eyes. Then we layed down and you held me in your arms. You were so slsepy and even though your eyes were closed and you couldn't see me, I couldn't close my eyes because they were set on you. I was studying every feature on your face. Your chin dimple that you hated, I had found so adorable. Your rosy lips I looked forward to kissing every single day. Your messy hair that I loved to run my fingers through. Your soft skin that you always loved to moisturize with lotion. You were this beautiful creation of God that I was blessed to call mine. I couldn't spot a single flaw and every detail of your face I remember so ******* well. It was that moment that I realized how much you meant to me. You were my whole world. In your arms, the way we were, it felt so right. That was how I wanted to sleep every single night with you in our future once we got married. I was so convinced back then, at age 14, that we were going to get married and start a family. Afterall, you were all I needed. Then suddenly you opened your eyes and saw me smiling at you. You began laughing. You said, "what are you looking at?" Holding back my tears of happiness I replied, "my other half. The person I want to spend the rest of my life with." Then we both looked into each others eyes and I gently placed my hand on your cheek as I continued to admire your face. Looking at you that very moment I felt so many different things, all at once. I felt complete in every single way, my heart was beyond satisfied whenever I was with you. Looking at you at that very moment I realized how much I was willing to sacrifice so I could just be with you. While I was still in the middle of my thoughts, you kissed me. "I love you so ******* much baby girl and I'm never letting go," you said to me. You pulled my body close to yours and began to cuddle me. "Babe...", I said. "Yes princess?" It took me a while to think of how I wanted to say what I was thinking, so then I just came out and said what was on my mind. "Do you promise me you'll never leave me?" You looked at me with that beautiful face of yours and said, "I couldn't ever leave you, even if I wanted to. You're everything I've always wanted and I love you more than you'll ever know."


And that was the most beautiful lie you ever said to me.

Do you love me?
Do I care?
I reach out to you
no one is there.
You tell me you love me
I tell you the same
but all that I'm doing
is hiding my pain.
Life in the fast lane
it ain't all that great
in my world that only
revolves around hate.

Me and You You and I staring into each other eyes. lost , wildly in love. living like we're in paradise. calls from 7 in the evening to the next early dawn. Romancing, chilling, giggling and relaxing.  Met in the summer , wasn't too attached but I said I give you a try.  You embraced my flaws and loved my scent. When you took my hand to dance. I felt something different in my bones . the soark we shared gazing into each other eyes. I saw my reflection. You and I .We became stronger than we thought. We danced to every beat. Lovers in the Sun . gazing into each other's eyes. wildly & lost in love. You and I . living in paradise.

As I write you this poem
I know it'll never be read
But remember how I tried to fix you
From the hurricane state she left you
I picked out the shards of the broken glass
That she left in your heart
Once you thought you were fine
You then left me in a state of hurricane
I picked back up your broken shards
And pressed them gently into my heart
Pleading you to fix me
Why did you leave me

i killed flowers for you
(they died)
i killed daisies
(to be specific)
you told me you loved me
(you lied)
i saw you picking out roses
i thought they were for me
(i was ecstatic)
you gave them to someone else
(i died)