You take flights on paper planes
on September nights to escape the rain
love sits beside you
and so does pain  
in their hands, feelings from June
and they sit there waiting  
to take you to the moon

I lost myself
In between the months of May and August,
As people sped up to undress, to feel the breeze of the warm wind
As I doubled my layers and was ashamed of my own skin
I lost myself
I let my existence chip away like overdue nail polish
I let you destroy my personhood piece by piece,
I was an extension of you that had to be polished
I let your words dig through what I thought was tough skin and unravel tears
I lost myself
I forgot to smile, I forgot to let people know I was fine
I forgot to lie,
I forgot to lie
I lost myself
My existence was merely a performance
But maybe I was suddenly gaining consciousness
Maybe in the months of the harsh summer
Where every night, crying preceded slumber
Maybe I was shedding the version of me that you had created
Maybe I was shedding the extension of you that you had obligated
She could no longer be, her time was up
She had filled you with all that was in her cup
Maybe I was going through metamorphosis
Maybe the aching was her death but my genesis

My summer love,
so refreshing and warm,
i wasn't expecting you,
but you came knocking at my door,
you had me at hello,
you didn't even need to try,
one look in your eyes,
and i knew you were mine,
but like all seasons change,
the summer sun faded away,
the brightness in your eyes,
they were replaced with a cold wintry day,
the warmth of your hellos,
were now replaced with chilly goodbyes,
the heat of your body curled around mine,
slowly morphed into the imprint of an empty valley,
full of saddness, darkness, and broken lies

This is the other letter, the one you're never gonna read, the side B.

First thing I wanna say: I am a sucker for your accent, I felt strongly attracted to you physically but I also liked your writing, your drawings, your sense of humor... you just saw life in a different way than I do.

Meeting you made me realize that I don't want someone that feels like it's there but it isn't, someone that would want not to be seen with me as often because of what people may think. I don't want someone that spends a lot of time in its own head, someone that really doesn't wanna be with me but somehow feels forced or acts on "not to be a bad person".

Meeting you made me angry, and I'm understanding why, I felt like you admired me but you didn't love me the way I wanted to, you didn't love me, period, and also you didn't let me help you, help you with what? To be less isolated, less in a bad mood, less having a bad time, but that was not for me to try and fix.

But what I realized the most, what made me upset & even resentful, was the fact that I felt I didn't put limits, that once again I spent too much time with someone that wasn't what I deserved (or more like it wasn't what I wanted?). That I somehow ended up having expectations of what you would mean to me and what I would mean to you. I knew you weren't thinking about me, writing about me, yet here I was choosing you. And all of this also tells me I should give myself a break for wanting to explore a different type of relationship, because this is my favorite way of learning, by trying it myself.

You are not a bad neither a good person, you're just a person, as I am too, that is living with whatever it's been learning through this 20 something years of existence and we happened to find each other on a rainy day.




P.S. I still keep the memories.

Your kisses like honeydew in wild ocean waves,
Five hours long mystery in one moment of madness.
Like a coffee sip while breathing in the forest,
A cold thunderstorm, a rainy summer day.
Like falling autumn leaves in a warm breeze,
A rose garden, a touch of your botanical soul.
Like full moon in the sinner daylight,
Falling golden stars, a craving Sun.

does long-sought summer simmer
more with yearning?
should not a reckless desire unbound
plead for unlearning?
does not a whisper of a breeze upon a scorched blacktop race
through the stillness of youth,
fickly departing without a trace?

these things shall pass, only while they're good
as the expanse of outside
accelerates beyond youth's neighborhood
and a last enduring moment clings
for dear life as it darts between
time and space upon nostalgia's wings.

it is only after the last drop of lunar luster
upon the chilled earth dissipates
that rich amber rays sprawl from a horizon
such that the night falls and dawn breaks

and so should not the end of one story
plead for another to awaken from slumber?
as one smile fades should there not be
another to turn back the first day of summer?

Now I've grown,
Yes, summer was that smile.

There is one on some loves,
That flourish like summer flowers
And bring seemingly endless joy
To lovers entwined
And hypnotized by the notion
That this will bloom forever.
But as years pass, some flawless
In execution and mutual care,
The flower begins to fade,
As if its color and fluid are drained,
Perhaps by the force of love itself.
And, unknown to the two,
They glide apart slowly,
Like two ships on the tide,
Until one day, they reach a horizon.
Each looks out for the other
As they have done before,
And call out in hope, then despair,
But they are unseen, far away.
They may try to sail back,
Beating furiously against the tide,
And finally, admitting defeat.
They each collapses, crying, shouting,
Blaming life, fate and humanity.
After months spent on the rocky shore,
In tears or questioning why
And often getting no reply,
The memory of passion fades
As new flowers bloom
And life’s garden summers on.

Summer’s gone
You went away
Hoped to stay friends
To stay in touch

We do still talk
But not as much
It’s not the same
Oh not at all

Summer’s gone
You went away
I hate it now
It’s not the same