#socialanxiety poems on Hello Poetry

Marlo Qi SilhouetteOfADeadKid May 2018

When you say that life is easy,
a little frustration is as bad as it gets,
I ask you what you were doing at age six.

were you running through the park?
playing with your friends?
doing nothing much?
careless of the world?

What if your whole life is determined at age six?

When I say that life is hard,
it's never been a good thing,
you ask me what I was doing at age six.

I was running through the fields, hoping I'd forget.
I talked to almost no one,
doing nothing much.
I cared too much about the smallest things and just hoped that it would stop.
It never stopped.

Six was the age I accepted that I would never be happy.
I knew I was different but I thought it would fade,
that maybe I'd forget and be able to stay.

But my whole life was determined at age six.

#privellege #suicide #depression #anxiety #panicattack #socialanxiety #fuckedforlife #forget #thewayoflife

Illya Oz Apr 2018

Bathroom cubicals

The insomniatic somnolence coats me.
16kHz of sound running through my eardrums.
Empty words written on the walls of bathroom cubicals.
The lifes of people who come and go,
Snagged on the emtpy soap dispensers.

***** lino floors folded at the edges.
The rattling sounds of doors locking around me.
Plastic seats flipped down to carry weights,
Of the people who come to just sit down.
The rusted hinges on doors I can't seem to leave through.

This is both my prison and my safety.

I'm sitting in cubical of my school bathrooms because I'm too anxious and depressed to go to class. The door to the bathrooms gets locked during class time so now I'm stuck in here

#depression #anxiety #socialanxiety #mentalhealth #bathrooms #school #skippingclass #wagging #insomnia #ihateschool

Illya Oz Apr 2018

There Are Times

There are...
There are times
Where every day
Just seems darker
Than the last

Where every moonset
Every sunrise
Every new day
Just feels like another
Burden to bare

When you get out of bed
It's all the same
As the day before
And nothings changed
So what's the point anymore

The people that walk by
Always talking
Never listening
Going about their business
Like they are the center of the world
Like nothing could hurt them

But they all wear masks
No one shows their true face
Not to their best friends
Nor to their closest family
Sometimes not even to themselves

So why even bother getting up
Stay in bed today
Stay in bed forever
What's the point in trying
Why does it even matter

Getting out of bed in the morning is so much harder then it should be...

#depression #anxiety #socialanxiety #masks #numb #tired #insomnia #unmotivated #exhausted #morning

B Mar 2018

Buoyancy

She is an airhead with enough buoyancy for the both of us
I've got the string tied round my finger so I don't forget it
As she lazily drifts on haphazard breezes, I try to shoot them
Teeter-totter talking about weather, sports, and partisan politics
Because when gusts come that nylon noose keeps me above ground
But only if I spit enough hot air to keep her wispy attention
Else I sprint the risk of her pine cone thicket absence
And I left my shoes with the last one
What I mean is, you are a safety net that I had no intention of casting
A Saturday morning cartoon that makes toast out of my tragedies
Buttered in the relief of freedom from prolonged desperation
I tie a second knot to be sure

#socialanxiety

Sunny Mar 2018

Judgment

Everywhere I go, I feel judged by people.
When I talk, I feel that people won’t understand what I say.
Maybe my voice is too deep. Or it just sounds stupid.
So I never talk. I close myself off.
I guess that’s why I don’t have any friends.

When I share my writing, I’m scared.
What if it’s garbage?
That’s why I don’t share it. Nobody will like it anyway.
When I share for feedback, all I get is the same thing:
“I like it.”
…But what did you like about it? It’s so unclear.
That’s why I don’t improve. What am I supposed to improve on if I don’t know?

Judgment is terrifying to me.
How can anyone do all these things without fear?
Giving presentations, standing in front of crowds…
It just makes me all sweaty. My heart palpitates.
How is so easy for everyone else to get themselves out there?
…Maybe, it isn’t Maybe everyone else is just as scared as I am.
Or maybe, they just do things, not caring at all about what anyone says.

I think I should do that too.

#anxiety #fear #judgment #socialanxiety #sharing #freeverse

Marlo Qi SilhouetteOfADeadKid Feb 2018

8 Reminders That Shouldn't Be

breath,
    in and out,
    over and over.

2. get up,
    every morning,
    do your best.

3. eat,
    try,
    it’s okay if you can’t.

4. brush your teeth,
    back and forth,
    keep it up.

5. brush your hair,
    daily,
    you can do this.

6. go to school,
    dont shut down,
    interact.

7. come home,
    you’re  close,
    make it through.

8. breath,
    but I can’t.

#depression #suicide #itgetsbetter #anxiety #socialanxiety #breath #reminders #selfcare

Marlo Qi SilhouetteOfADeadKid Feb 2018

Just some Girl

They say I’m
               “Just some girl”
         but they don’t know me

   They don’t know
                               what I stand for
   They don’t know
                       what I’ve been through

   They don’t know who I am.
   They don’t know anything about me
                      but neither do I.

   Maybe I am “Just some girl”

   Just some OUTSIDER girl
   Just some ASIAN girl
   Just some PRIVILEGED girl
   Just some ANNOYING girl

                       I AM JUST SOME GIRL

   Just some girl who CRIED IN CLASS
   Just some girl who NEVER TALKS
   Just some girl who NO ONE KNOWS

Just some girl that killed herself last night and leaves you wondering,
                                 maybe she wasn’t
                                  JUST SOME GIRL

#regret #justsomegirl #givingup #depression #suicide #anxiety #socialanxiety #unsure #assumptions #misunderstood

Marlo Qi SilhouetteOfADeadKid Feb 2018

Alone

Where are you?
Hello!?!!
Hello?!
hello?

you’re gone
because you thought I wanted you gone
but I didn’t want you gone
yes I said I wanted you gone
but you weren’t supposed to listen.

when I said that I was sure
I wasn’t really sure
I just needed you to fight,
to put up a fight for me
but you didn’t.

I think you cared a little
but you didn’t care a lot
and a little just wasn’t enough.

enough enough
why am I
not enough
for you to insist to stay?

enough enough
enough enough
I really have
had enough.

if only you were here
you could’ve given me
enough
enough for me to be.

#lost #alone #helpless #depression #suicide #anxiety #socialanxiety #itgetsbetter #demons #enough