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Nicole Ashley Apr 2015
Sometimes
I want drugs
But I like you better sober
I wish I could help him be sober. I wanted to be his drug, but I guess that's what choices are for..
Natan Mar 2015
If it is structure I hope to attain,
Then surely I am too far gone.
Another verbally butchered hymn that I pray to find release in, will remain a story of how the drink took me. Took me to slopes too steep. Valleys ever narrow. Nothing could quench my thirst, just left to bones without marrow.
Not the tears of my mother, theft from my brother,
the lies to woo a past lover, could stop me from having another.
A phase; "believe it'll pass and it will,
But along with your belief you have a life bound to this pill."
I want hope, I want to believe
I want to know it'll be okay.
I see that in others, just not me.

My periods don't go where they are intended to be.
My words hardly pass the count of four and this still has me sore before my feet hit the floor.
No over abundance of grammatical frosting to make these up to par, I've already passed my bounds.
I've gone too far.
As simple as this may be for you,
Consider yourself one of the lucky few.
To have the knowledge to know what your inability to be at ease tells you while you're typing on screen. For me that can be. Or so it seems.
Set me free
The Good Pussy Feb 2015
.
                          " 'I know not
                        what is coming,
                     but be  what it  will
                   I will go to it  laughing.
                     Better  to  sleep with
                      a sober  cannibal th
                      an a  drunk Christia
                      n •It is not down  on
                      any map; true place
                      s never are.  • Tell m
                      e not  of  blasphemy,
                      man;  I'd   strike  the
                      sun if it insulted  me.
                      ... and  Heaven  have
                     mercy  on us  all-Pres
                     bytarians and Pagans
                     alike  for  we  are  all
                     somehow dreadfully
                     broken, and sadly   n
                     eed mending • There
                     are certain occasions
                     in this strange mixed
                     affair   we   call    life  
          when a man                 takes this
      whole universe        for a vast Practical
   joke, though the wit  thereof he but deepl
y discerns, and more  than suspects that th
      e Joke is at no             body's  expense
            t h a n                         his own.' "
Herman Melville
Jack Ghaven Dec 2014
My mind is frayed
Making me miss the days
I used to self-medicate
Didn't have to hesitate

Those days are far away
Sobriety making a lengthy stay
And it makes me manic
Paralyzed in an unending panic

Honestly I feel like ****
Calm and composed for a bit
Then hopelessly falling
Substances are calling

And it's ****** up
That I'm stuck up
Left confused and alone
Not to mention dangerously prone

To hatred and deprivation
Brutalized on the verge of starvation
I'm on a downward streak
Feeling more and more weak

So my pen bleeds words
That no one has ever heard
Been away from the pen and pad for a while.  Trying to get back into the habit of releasing through writing.  Sobriety ***** and the pen often provides escape.
Jack Ghaven Nov 2014
On the brink of mental collapse
And I wish that I would
Or that I could just relapse
Back to a mask and a hood
A smoke filled mind
Apathy as perfection
Leaving the rest behind
Cleaned out like an infection
Washed away with relief
My wounds are stinging
As I sill hold some belief
That somewhere bells are ringing
Though I have forgotten why
I continue to ponder
Or even continue to try
As back into darkness I wander
To search for happiness unknown
Or contentedness I've never been shown
Just a short poem that kind of portrays my mind as a struggle through sobriety and depression.
Nena Twedell Nov 2014
My body aches
My mind weary
All I want is a rest
A break from a reality
that feels as though the world is laying on my shoulders
Where standards feel as tall as the empire state building
And I am reaching with all my might to get to the top
My weary mind
searching for peace
tired of racing
dodging and jumping around
Trying to make itself happy
is searching high and low for a reprieve
From this reality of struggles
The bottle on the shelf
It knows my name all too well
I've done well at ignoring it's calls before
But it seems to be inching closer to me
I can hear it's cries better than my own thoughts
Most days and nights
Like a mother's innate hearing for her child crying
I hear it in the night as I sleep
leaving me wide awake
although I have gone
days
weeks
months with out the taste of it on my lips
The cries still reach my ears
The taste is still on my tongue
My energy is low
And I don't know how much longer I can fight it
My mind is weary
and my body aches
Jack Ghaven Oct 2014
These are the nights I used to drink away
Sitting alone in my prison cell
But I am trying to stay sober every day
Still stuck in my own solitary hell
I want so badly to break free
I want to let loose all my dreams and nightmares
For everyone to see
But I honestly don't know that anyone cares
My skin itches and my body aches
And every day I hear that abuse calling me back
To stay here and stay safe is what it takes
To keep it all from fading to black
I struggle to even think that I can make it
Through this trial I choose
To continue to fake it
But I can't afford to lose
A more recent bit of writing.
Tara Marie Oct 2014
Ty
He waits for nothing
trapped inside vendettas of the past.

To compensate for all the pain.
Collapsed by storms, aghast.

Mouthing words into the plated
metal microphone.

Omniscient spy who gawks upon
his wretched monotones.

Patient Dr. Jekyll sits still
with longing looks.

While Heyde is toying endlessly
amongst his fellow crooks.

If only neither played a part,
and both were but a dream,

No plague of silent conflict
would crowd his every seam.

Within the realm of tragedy,
is where his soul endures.

Ty; intrinsic predator
searching for a cure.

And as his restless measures
of feelings coincide,

and harmonies escape his lungs
while beats start to collide,

The distant Dr. Jekyll protrudes
from vacant sleep.

Commences to erode a quiet
conscience, from the deep.

Sudden need for elsewhere
is all that Ty can see.

Every fiber recognizes
where he needs to be.

And suddenly the microphone,
who knows his every pain

is sitting lonely,
mesmerized
by silent noise again.

Ty is but a victim, sullen thoughts
that make him sick.

Never can he compromise,
when all his habits stick.

Forever now ambivalent,
confused and losing time.

Ty knots his laces,
bats his tears,
a façade: pressed and fine.

Ty's dreams are crushed,
disintegrate into the offshore sand.

When all at once he notices,
his life is in his hands.

A straw that Jekyll used before
is laying on the ground.

Heyde is shaking shamefully,
but cannot make a sound.

Ty looks upon the dreams he crushed
and searches for his will

its lined up right in front of him,
dispassion in a pill.
Relapse is sudden, and sometimes unexpected. A story of a friend.
Emoni Jenkins Oct 2014
I can hear her
Her mesmerizing melodies calling me
Tempting me
I sway to her music
Fill my veins with her voice
And we are one again.

She covers me like a blanket
I can feel the warmth of her love
In my secret places
Its dark inside
And I'm afraid
But she is with me
Holding me
And I am safe.

When she leaves
My soul aches for her embrace
I hunger for her touch
I want to disappear
To leave her as she left me
But her lethal love injections
Are all that I know
And I am weak
And I can hear her
Her mesmerizing melodies calling me
Tempting me
I sway to her music
Fill my veins with her voice
And we are one again.

My lover wants me dead
But I have given her my heart
Sealed our love with a kiss
Till death do us part.
I just picked up nine months sober and that chip is weighing heavy in my pocket.
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