Of course I miss long conversations
At night with a deep voice in my ear
Sure I miss going out every weekend
Enjoying the presence of a special someone
Being wrapped in a man’s arms does sound relaxing
Listening to his heartbeat
Telling him whatever is on my mind
Him making me laugh
Occasionally buying me flowers
Sending me sweet text messages
And being the only caller ID I care about
However
It’s just a want
And by no means a need
I want a man who compliments me
I don’t mean just calling me beautiful
I want a man whose continuously learning
Someone who has or is working for a degree
And has a personal relationship with God
Who drives his own whip
And isn’t so caught up on material things
However
That seems too much too ask for
Many would fall at any man’s feet
But I can’t
No I don’t have a checklist
But if he’s coming in my life
He better have something going on
I’m not desperate
I refuse to accept someone who isn’t trying for nothing
I’m a woman of high value
My confidence is in the walk I do
It’s in the way I carry myself
See I know who I am
And the special man coming has to know the same
My standards may be too high for some
I may come off as stuck up
For not giving just any man a chance
At the end of the day
If I’m pushing 30 years old still single
The last thing I did was settle
I will be living my best life
Man or no man
I’m comfortable with my singleness
Until the right guy comes along who treats me right
And means me well
I’ll continue to be single and happy
Than in a relationship and silently miserable
-Mia J
02/26/2019

© 2019 Mia J

I could pretend I’ve got it together,
Feign ignorance,
Fake confidence.
I could lie and say im fine with it,
Choke on trickery,
Cheat each bit of me.
But the truth of it is simple,
I fell in love and you fell backwards.
I’m moving slowly and you are
Moving on.
I went off the rails and you just
Went home.

I wish I could expell
This wild beast from my chest,
This bottomless well,
Merciless tempest.
.
It roars and screams
For things it can't get:
Insubstantial dreams,
Uncollected debt.
.
And it isn't fair
That efforts mean naught;
When all is laid bare -
Love can't be bought.
.
I long and I ache,
At the mercy of fate,
Its give and take,
The cruelest bait.
.
The suffocating need
To not be alone,
Unrelenting greed,
Scathing to the bone.
.
It rakes its claws deep
Through my ribcage,
Makes me weep,
Helpless with rage.
.
Its loathsome fury,
Feral with want,
My judge and jury,
Inescapable haunt.
.
And it makes me think
That it's you I'm missing,
But it's really that link,
That has me reminiscing.
.
And I tried with such ardor
To find it once more,
But it's getting harder,
And my soul is sore.
.
Tired of hoping
And letdowns, in vain,
Tired of coping
With this constant pain.
.
If I were not godless
Surely I would pray
To finally convalesce,
To just get away.
.

I tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear
you cup my jaw
and bring my lips to yours
our legs intertwined
I kiss you like my life depends on it
our breath becomes one
your warm body presses against mine
then I wake up all alone
in my bed
the room dark
loneliness creeps in
sadly, it was just a dream

He said my standards were too high,
But my stepdad would drain a river dry
If I needed a drink.
He said the love I want isn’t real,
But my girls would give me their last meal, If I was hungry for it.
He told me I was too much for men,
But no'one treats me better than my best guy friend.
He said he couldn’t marry a girl like me,
But if that’s how I need to be,
For a man to really love me,
Then I would take never again.

I spend many days
trying to sum up emotions
what do they equal to?
Feeling so much, and then so little,
I secure my belt
as I sit on this ride
these contradictions
blindside, and whiplash me.
But that's just life isn't it?
Peaceful, but frightful
joyful, but lonely...
I imagine that's an emotion
most people feel.
There's a longing so strong
I can almost touch it,
but it's not here.
And because of that my eyes are blurred
unable to see the beauty around me
even if there is just me
and things don't add up.

And yes I do want someone
I want someone to hold me and
I want someone to hold
Someone to laugh with
Someone to cry

And yes I do want someone
I want someone to talk to and
I want someone to listen to
Someone to learn from
Someone to love

And yes I do want someone
I want someone to be with and
I want someone to be away from
Someone to watch smile or
Someone to watch frown

And yes I do want someone
I want someone to work and
I want someone to stay
Someone to help us
Someone to understand

And yes I do want someone

And I think I love an orange boy
But I think I like an lemon girl
Yet a little lime like me
Is a bit too citrusy
To have either of them like me back

And I think I want some lemonade
But I think I’d like some OJ
Yet my lime’s not sweet it’s sour
So hour after hour
They just leave me alone to sleep