When you kissed me
I tasted him on your lips
You didnt say it
But I knew:
I was always just backup

i met you almost
two years ago
i hurt you
while scrambling
through my own pain
trying to find my way
through a dark maze
with a haze of ache

you got caught
in my rage of
a crossfire
i realized
i actually liked someone
trusted them so easily

i was angry
someone actually
made me laugh
made me smile

the hurricane
was a category five
you took shelter
far away from me
my tears dripping
from the sky

two years after
the hurricane
we are just recovering
there is life again
there is growth
there is laughter
there is happiness
there is light


there is a second chance

When they talk
It’s an inside joke
“You wouldn’t understand”
They say while they giggle together
When you ask to hang out
There’s an excuse
“Sorry I’m busy”
They say while you watch them together
When they talk about a group chat
But you aren’t on it
“We must have forgotten”
They say while they keep texting each other
When they bring up memories
But you weren’t a part of them
“You must have been sick”
They say while they plan to hang out again without you
When they forget your birthday
But they’ve planned presents for each other’s
“I’ll bring your present tomorrow”
They say while they haven’t thought once about it
You are forgotten
You are left out
You are always the second choice-
death by a thousand dismissals

Always the lover,
Never the loved.
Always the healer,
Never the healed.
Always the photographer,
Never the photographed.
Always the helper,
Never the helped.
Always the cheerer,
Never the cheered.
Always the painter,
Never the painting.
Always the poet,
Never the poem.
Always the option,
Never the priority.
Always the lister,
Never the heard.
Always the writer,
Never the muse.
Always the understanding,
Never the understood.

If you're late,
there's no hurry.

If you're not ready,
just take your time.

If you're holding on
to the tiniest hint of resentment,
I'll understand.

No matter what,
I'll meet you there.

Just promise me,
you'll give me a chance,
to call you mom and dad again.

These emotions are powerful they surge right  through my chest
Chasing them around room they suddenly infest
First silent as they swirl between you and I
It doesn't take long for them to multiply
Soon they swarm every object we see
Easy to play victim instead of trying to agree
But there are zero casualties because we aren't at war
Blindness makes me wonder what we're doing this for
You think righteously but you couldn't be more wrong
Baseless accusations you build argument upon
Just the latest in series of false beliefs you create
Sick the way your perspective chooses to exaggerate
My veins get so hot blood begins to boil
Shieldless facing remarks insisting I'm not loyal
Onyx pupils boring holes my direction
Void between us growing as you describe each imperfection
Systematically pulling apart every sentence dared to speak
Pre-existing wounds deepening until blood starts to leak
Until becoming so quiet you could hear our hearts beating
Slowly breaking
Carefully retreating
Uneasiness creeping like a draft under the door
Whispering
"Things never will be as good as they were before"
These helpless doubts wander through skull all night
Impossible questions kept awake til morning's light
Until poor soul is weighed down by despair
Tears blur my vision
Uncertainty put into my stare
My worrying in vain because it doesn't change anything
Non-existent compassion in your movements and it stings
Apparently don't have enough empathy to spare
Tangle up sanity by showing how little you care
While absorbing tension permeating air like a sponge
Hopes now flattened on the floor where they plunged
Words discarded like empty cola cans
Insults echoing like clang of pots and pans
From head to toe happiness is now crushed
Cuts could heal if only our fingertips brushed
Delicate balance of respect instantly would be restored
Neck removed from guillotine if you'd lower your sword
I don't encourage tables to turn
Just want us to both sit down
Pull knives out each other's backs and erase each frown
I wish us both to wear matching expressions of joy
Our feelings reset to a setting where our opinions didn't annoy
But for that to happen a gigantic amount of willpower is required
Fear we are not soft enough for animosity to permanently retire
But honestly hate distance between skin more than I'll ever admit
The path our steps are walking on is one I refuse to quit
I'll pour more energy into every single action I do for you
Even wasted at least my intentions are true
I'll collect memories and box up special moments we had
Store somewhere deep within to bask in when I'm sad
This might be hard this second but I have faith it won't last long
We can solve problems because our love is pure and strong