i just wanna sleep
but all my dreams are dead.
maybe i could find a way
to wake them up instead,
‘cause all i am is tired bones
longing for my bed;
every minute standing is
a blur of pain in my head

shut my lids, count to five
nightmares flicker behind my eyes
darkness creeps, i’m alive
and time keeps slipping by

There are days when the sky is a vibrant blue and the sun expels its warmth
upon my shoulders,
then there are days when the sky is filled
with nothing but a melancholy grey,
and I embody nothing but the rain.

On those days,
I may have to drink an extra cup of coffee to pull myself out of bed and face the slight suffocation the real world places upon me.

On those days,
I may not have much of an appetite and will push away any thought of food, even though I know I should eat.

On those days,
my eyes may become heavy, filled with just as much water as the storm clouds lingering up above me.

Some days I wake up
feeling as radiant as the sun,
and some days I wake up feeling as
dreary as the rain.

But at least I always make sure to
wake up and be something.

i am frozen inside an ice box filled with dagger shaped icicles of what i’ve been trained to do right
yet i am hopelessly drowning in melted water with my unforgiving wrongs
my lungs are searching for the air in this rainy city

my actions have me disconnected

i am the chord wrapped around your thumb as you pace aimlessly on the phone
i am the six blankets and four pillows falling on my bed to hide my eyes that don’t remember
i am the scared child hiding in the bathroom when everything turns black from the storm

i am the one who turned off the light

now i can’t see where i’m pacing, my heart is blinded and it’s racing
the six blankets and four pillows on my bed are dark and suffocating
i need to see but i’m terrified to turn the light back on

how can one person possess so many feelings?

he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not
it only took a moment of magical laughter to know how full you make me
but still, the carousel won’t stop turning and neither will my stomach

vulnerability is a part of change

i am ashamed and afraid of how i want to be the best version of me for myself
confined by swollen eyes and wrinkle lines, i need to break out of this ice box
my emotion tattooed eyes are a filter only i can read. i’m disconnected

i refuse to be defined by others