why do i apologize when im the one who got hurt?
how many times must i search for forgiveness in the hands of someone who limits the air i breathe? while they wipe their sins on my clean clothes, the filth makes me a martyr
my body doesn't feel like my own, the faded scars on my arms seem so unfamiliar
what have i given up to be able to blame myself for all the ways in which someone can hate?
my skin has become unyielding, not allowing the words i have to say spill from an empty canvas onto deaf ears
this heart has caved in, occupying the empty spaces that once belonged to functional lungs -
where have they gone?
everything has become so blue, an ocean has swept me away, and the stars have taken over the sunlight glistening within the waves
why must everything become doomed in the end?
if i fall to my knees in defeat, face the pain of others and call the afflictions i've been given freely, as grace.
does this mean that I've been saved?
I'm not sure who I am when I apologize for the pain given to me by others. I feel less of a person, I feel like I'm sinking. I can't breathe and I question what will help me ground myself, before I can struggle, the peace of losing myself completely in a place where it's just as unknown as I am feels like a saving grace.
