This is my ‘coming out’
But not entirely yet.

Because the closet feels nice,
Safe, on most days.
And who do I come out to?
I don’t know yet.

My desires are fluid,
But my identity, not.
‘Find yourself’ say the therapists,
But do I want to be found, we don’t know.

This closet is quiet and mine
Made of desires, thoughts I want to hold on to.
Coming out, means letting go,
When there’s no one to let go to.

And so I’ll keep the closet,
it’s quiet and mine
Lost and unfound,
Till I figure how to be found again.

there is
       something
             so comforting
about the
                         smokey
          smell of
                                           cigarettes
                                                       saturating the soul
first thing in the morning
                                              especially when
it’s on his
                  breath
                               and he’s
                                                kissing your nightmares away

What, me Normal?

I hear this and wonder

I want my normal back

Have your heard it

Normal is personal
I want it back
Normal is comfortable
I want it back
Normal is safe, at least my normal is
I want it back
Normal is filled with my energy
I want it back

I don’t want your normal
I want mine...!

Brian Hill - 2019 #

Just lie still, please
Sleep will come, I promise
You only have to fight until it comes
Your mind will slow, the voices will quiet
Eyes droop closed slowly...
Your limbs will relax...
Your breath will even out...

But, I need you to lie still
Please, Lovely,
Don't reach over there
You don't need it
You'll be alright
Just lay still
Succumb to gravity
Until the warmth of the night
Wraps itself around your mind
And the voices will go silent
You will be allowed rest

Just lie still for me, alright?

i’m sorry this world
did not welcome you
with open arms

send me a letter
when you get back home

so i know that
you’re safe

I think there’s a place for us
Sometimes I hear a whisper of a wormhole that will take us far beyond this broken galaxy
To a place where the static has ceased and no longer bruises our brains with noise
A place where our cities are safe and strong with skeletons of steel and faces of glass
A place where we fit comfortably in our own skins with no effort or shame
A place where shooting stars no longer dance out of reach but sing in our hearts
I think we could get there some day