She knew it was really over this time. No second chances. No apologies. Just a goodbye. A best friend, a lover soon to be stranger. From talking everyday to 2 second check ups out of regrets. To now becoming a bitter memory. When you finally utter why you wanted them to stay… it’s generally too ******* late.
Make a phone call to nowhere– no one is home. Knock on your chest- there's no answer
everything is broken.
And you to realize.
As pieces of what was,  lie before you  
And my darling, you’re alone again.

i’ve been photoshopping old memories in attempts to bring back color to over-faded, twice-forgotten black-and-whites
tried dodge and burn but that’s too close to what happened
you dodged so i burned like a stack of photographs and albums in a house fire started by christmas lights
maybe if i crop myself out you’ll turn bright again
until your whole face washes out and i can feel like you’re a stranger again
replace all your blues with harsh reds and sharpen all of my blurred edges
for a while things felt like polaroids,
instant results
but then i realized that i was just wasting film by taking one photo per roll at a time
i was ruining prints of thirty five other potential moments
we were never digital
but we were only ever digitalized,
conversations only spent on snapchat and half-second smiles in hallways
i’ll layer all of our photographs
because we sure as hell never had layers then
your smile is the same in every single one of them, but my expression is always off and my eyes are never quite the same level of jaded
somewhere along the line i’ve realized that no photographic evidence was ever taken of our life
i’m just looking at bad sketches with too many filters
i don’t even remember the sound of your voice
i’m writing poetry about strangers again,
people who have never existed outside of my head
maybe that’s just a bad coping mechanism, pretending that you’re just pretend
but i’ve been struggling with hallucinations lately
because photographs and light and sound is so **** easy to bend into whatever shapes you want memories to take
i haven’t trusted myself for three years now and i’m not about to start
overconfidence leads to the edges of cliffs
and i’m all too familiar with the steep drop of the ravine
when did photographs of you become a foreign language to me?
when did i stop recognizing either of us? why can’t i look myself in the eye anymore?
photoshop steals the life from my laptop battery
and reminiscing on things that may or may not have actually happened steals energy from me
so i’ll try to see if we can forcefully power down this crooked old machine
unplug me
i don’t want these memories saved anymore
delete everything
delete everything
unplug me
delete me
delete me

And like a drop of blood...
sliding down your finger.
A pin ***** that formed
Red stains that linger,
Dangling,
Slowly gathering,
Growing bigger,

Dropping...

And like a drop of blood,
You formed a part of me.
And like a drop of blood
You swam in memory's sea.
You shook the waters and vibrated
The roots of my heart's aging tree.
As you coursed through my veins
Losing your voice as you whisper your dying plea...

And like a drop of blood
sliding down my finger...
I slowly forget what you meant to me.
And like a drop of blood,
sliding down my finger...
You cause my heart to thud,
As you longingly cling
Before you reach the tip.

A pin ***** that formed,
left one aching for less and more...
A pin ***** that formed
its pain slowly tinkers,
Disappearing as the pain is slowly covered.

Red stains that linger,
Slowly gathering,
Growing bigger,
Til all its remnants removed,

Meet...
Forgotten,
Dropping...
And fall as one together.

Rise and fall the sound declares
Pouring the unspoken
The sigh blowing the whispers you never heard
Hardly not forgotten

Rise and fall it goes in your mouth
Running for a glimmer of shadow that you found in light
Hallowed by the feathers your unseen heart deployed

Rise and fall of the intense touch you felt in someones arm
The video game they put to shame
In all the never ending pain

Rise and fall i sow the seeds
Crawling beside the bedrock of weeds
Put together in a land of my veins
Bound for sweat and blood

Rise and fall i go
In the beginning i will never know
Rise and fall i go
In the future i will know

Rise and fall
Bouncing like a ball
Over the gravity i float
Rise and fall i rise
Escaping from all the tearful lies

Rise and fall
Just let the heart skip the beating
find your way to believing
After all we are living
And always remember the feeling

Just let it rise
And learn to fall

.


I write the words - across in lines,
Describing... how I feel, what I hear and what I see,
All that to... my heart does bind,
Of the sights, the colours - then sounds... and especially of thee.

The words - I scribe... in my hand...
They are... sometimes many and sometimes few,
But there is not enough - perfect words - to be written...
That can ever - truly scribe - the uniqueness of you.

When I write - I have no doubt... the ink will surely fade,
For the words - I have wrote… are sure to never stay,
Yet as I said - of all the words... that I could ever write,
The most beautiful ones - of them all… are left blank in white.

For the best words - that I share... which you my love can’t see,
Are all the words - that are found... in the space between,
Though that space - between each word... is so white and small,
It is in that space - my dear love… the words speak most of all.


----------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------


I regret That I still think about you Libby Marinilli, your too beautiful and captivating to forget.

.


Oh how it is… that when I dream,
You’re captured there within,
For it is the same… of every dream,
Your looming shadow has always been.

The echo of the sweetest voice,
Rises up each time… in the dreams I knew,
Uttered out from an angelic voice… a song,
A song that comes from you.

I search each night within those dreams,
To find and capture you… and not to let you go,
Yet you slip through my fingers like lucent mist,
To be seen… but not to hold.

How dear Libby… you haunt my dreams,
And my heart you also stole,
That it would not in the slightest… be shocking to me,
If you also harboured my very soul.

How it is that you own me…. Libby my love,
That reality I wish weren’t even true,
For it is in my dreams that I am free to hold on to thee,
And have a dance with you.

And when I see you now my love,
Though as beautiful as you seem,
Reality pulls me back into life,
With only the memories of a dream.

Yet I know deep… deep down,
And right from the very start,
That reality is not so bad,
Because in reality… I own your heart.

A nightmare of a permanent romance of my youth.
The physical remain of him,
floating through the same dreams.
We compare strange affinities.
The same, his and mine.
Oh, had you loved me!
I reserved our ruins through dark, tender tree.
We lighted up by the colored inks of memory.
Stars between silhouettes under the sky;
they emitted radiance of their own.
His hand, a dreamy pleasure, coming over in waves of ecstasy.
With a soft, woeful mouth he would relieve the pain,
My darling.
My heart.
Hold in my passion and my senses
as we ache with that haunted spell.
I look back in repetitive scraps, like storms of tissue paper,
whirling in the wake
where frustrated poets end.

Still remembering the past, what’s the use now?
What has happened is a thing of past and it will remain in the past,
over a period of time it will become a thing of remote past,
however, still remembering the past.

Remember the past is a thing of past,
from where it came,
to where it belongs,
a thing of past is a thing of past,
which will remain in the past,
then no matter how hard an effort is made to bring the past to life,
it's of no use,
since over a period of time it will be realized that efforts are going futile.

Over a period of time it will be realized that the past is a thing of past and as more time passes by it becomes a thing of remote past.

Better way of doing things is to believe in the present moment in time to which life belongs and which has got everything to do with regards to the present and also with respect to an uncertain future.

Definitely life continues along with the present moment in time.

You sat there
All so calm
Checking
Between your friends and your phone

I stood there
All so nervous
Staring
Between all those people and you

And I left there
All so hopeless
Remembering
Between the mistakes and the memories