Oh, that we'd all have
huge and messy hearts,
that we'd expel
the shrivelled, the trimmed
as no longer fit for purpose.

what is this game
you wish to play?
what is this thing
you take away?
you want my light?
to feed your darkness
you want my love?
to feed me lies

you take everything.
and give nothing in return.

you’re nothing but a thief

thief.

“stranger”
that’s a curious word
new people
aren’t really strange
they sparkle
unblemished by memory

soon enough
a faint falter
a clink in the armor
A speck of brown in
your ocean blue eyes

slowly at first
the cracks began to grow
rust rose to the surface
like the way age paints the sea

there was no breaking moment
just gentle tapping
once pristine edges
smooth from rust

before me
no longer was
a shiny person
uncovered was
a beautiful rusty person

I wore apathy like armor
but cracked every time you looked at me
like I was worth being seen.

Even now I blamed timing.
As if clocks are crueler than my own hesitation.
As if love didn’t stand right in front of me
and wait with open hands
as mine stayed tucked in pockets.

I convinced myself I was unworthy
before anyone else had the chance to.
I set fire to every almost
just to say “see, it was never going to last”
like that made it less my fault.

Still, I write this like it matters—
like this confession changes anything.
But all it does
is remind me
that I had everything
and still chose nothing.

Ya hachu skazat— ya ochin tupoy.
Ya ni znayu kak nayti ma-yo zutdba.
Moy Bog. post budit Chronie Chelovek, kak eta krasivya Luna.
Ya magu begat.
Ya magu mnogo sdelat'.
Ya adeen chelovek, chto lubit Chornaya Luna.

.

I want to say— I am very stupid.
I do not know how to find my own destiny.
My God, let it be a Black Person, like a beautiful Moon.
I can run.
I can do a lot.
I am one person, who loves the Black Moon.

You disappeared,
Emotionally -- like a breath --
With no goodbyes;
or observable changes

You disappeared,
Instantly
Like life
--when death had paid a visit --

your sandalwood scent,
Streams of roses,
And sweet smiles
Simmer in my summer memories.

the rise of your chest  bellows and rest
the eyes of your investment   in me
the falling mane we form together
drapes
                                   into our milly pool
                              into our night attacks
     we act out civil villainy  and pranks
   we didn't mean to  but  we were spilt

   all the gutted sources of our majesty
bedroom headquarters and missions
   abroad from there  lead them to stare
our belly can hold all the resulting
                        birds of yellow vulgarity

they come to our door
                    with glowing phones raised
and we answer
         leaking behind our death-masks
they've chosen
                      to take us far too seriously
and may strike us down
                                             anti martyred
          alabaster heretics
                                laughing

You smell like summer
You taste like moon
Till my eyes opened
It's almost june

You hunt like runner
You run like rust
Till my skin
Turns to dust

So call me drunk
Three am
I will pick up
What a Shame
Then I'll cry
Whom to blame?

I lost my way
As ocean stray
May locate stars
But as it rains
All my metaphors
Slips away
Whom to blame?