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#2
The sunflower dreams disintegrate, leaving dust. I see you there through the plexiglass wall, and wonder if you can see me too. The wax drips from the tip of the candle. Five spots, six-seven. Nine. I burn for you. The red runs crimson down my thigh. I reach for you through my condemned klonopin haze. Once again, I was too weak for you. The pressure builds, forming cracks in my psyche, making me wonder who I am or where I’m going.

Blank spaces. The canvas between white and black, the words that don’t fill the spaces in between I love you. And I don’t know what you want me to do, so I sit outside and chain smoke and listen to the birds who are confused, because it’s raining. I’m sick, you say, as if that straightens out the jumble in my mind. We’re solving the world’s problems one puff of nicotine at a time.
Sie Sep 2014
My body had been a torn up battle ground red streaks everywhere.
I never thought i would be better. except i did get better at least for awhile.
Deep down i thought i would never rip my body up again  despite that i knew it would happen.Then after a month or so of okay.
It happened  i drew with my silver blade. it left small red lines all over my thigh. easy to hide but it leaves a painful smile.
Torn up again and again will it ever end.
axr Sep 2014
Behind that fake smile
Behind those lies
Lie the distant echoes of my cries
Behind those frequent relapses
Lie my urge to recover
now give me some poison.
I am predictable in my unpredictability
I am trying to fight my melancholy
Behind that funny girl
Lies someone who wants to watch themselves burn
The one who laugh the loudest have felt the most pain.
Molly Sep 2014
Should I be concerned about the state I'm in?
I'm not sure how bad it is,
honestly
I can't tell because
what used to be bad days are good days now
and I guess that's what people mean when they say
you'll learn how to live with it.
I think you just become one with your demons
and soon you're saying things you never thought you would
like maybe happiness isn't all everyone says it is,
maybe weakness is a kind of strength,
maybe I just won't get better and that'll be okay because
recovery
is a marathon, not a sprint
but some days I can't even bring myself to get out of bed
so that trek seems impossible.
I am getting used to the emptiness;
I hardly think about it now,
and by that I mean I always think about it so
it doesn't seem like a big deal anymore
and these days crying is a nonevent,
my eyes are bloodshot more often than they are clear,
and my friends have stopped asking how I'm doing.
I guess I seem pretty stable and
I guess that's accurate,
I'm pretty regularly in a state of numbness
manifesting itself in
tequila and
the word okay and
art that people choose not to see the underlying meaning in.
I have written a suicide note every day for the past six months
but I call it poetry
and that somehow makes it okay to say these things-
by putting my turmoil into stanzas
it becomes a metaphor rather than a cry for help and
nobody will take this one seriously, either,
nobody seems to be concerned about the state I'm in.
I am learning to live with it.
Nicole Sep 2014
White, my hands of ice
Warmed by the chilled blade upon my palm.
A touch of red
Blurs pink.
No light,
Just white, and fade
The frozen air begins to warm
as the water drips from my soul
onto the bedroom floor.
fear paralyzes
then I fall back to
my old self
10w
A poem expressing some fears through poetry.
PEARL SMOKE Sep 2014
" Yeah, Mother mary iTs That
Devil ****.
Low Base Drowned Out
Super High Treble
****.
All iNeed iS Drugs, Aint
iT Funny
That iT Keeps Me Outta Trouble
***** 1Hit? double Lit "
Devil
Evil
Vaccine
IV
Lived
Jesse Alexander Aug 2014
Fingers running up my chest
You start to kiss my neck
I never needed you before but as I breathe deeper with each kiss I crave you exponentially

I tease your lips but I don't give in.
I don't want you.
But I need you.

I try to push you off but you start to undress
and run your nails up and down my chest

**** it

I rip your clothes off
I close the distance between our lips
And finally I ignite our intimacy

I haven't felt this alive since the last time we met for the first time
And as burn you my morals about the long haul to death
I whisper in your ear
"*******. I hate you. But I love you, and I'm yours to ruin."

I've relapsed
Description of my nicotine cravings. Relapse is a seductive little *****.
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