"Whose fault is this?"
Nobody knows, nobody wanted to come out,
Too silent to hear a crack sound,
Yes, the offender is too powerful,
and make us "zip" our mouth.
Forced us to point our finger at poor people,
and made us feel guilty.
This weakness kept hunting us down
and "dance" with us on the ground.

Boy or girl, you can cry
but how long?
"How long can I endure ?"
I still do not know the answer.
While we are "making" the world more worst,
we still lose deep in our minds.
Afraid to come out, afraid to speak out loud,
Afraid to fight back and keep "lying" to ourselves.

"When we could stand together?"
"When the cry would stop?"
"When does the dream become true?"
Today I am standing on my own feet to fight's back, tomorrow I am happy,
Today I stopped the cry to makes a great move and said "no" loudly,
Today I came out as a "real" person, no faker, no more "questions".
Yes, today, You and I can change the "questions" to reality.

You’re lost upon your weakened knees
For who am I but to my own ill reprieve?
For though one knows what is to come
And can never quite be sure
What is often plain as day
So often wishing to ignore

Searching for answers in days left behind
An uncertain question for what it seems you’ll never find
Indeed the solutions are not always in what you obtain
Sometimes it leaves you empty and stained


Though plain as day it is to whom it pertains
Warning signs carved into her ****** shape
You struggle to comprehend for your desire is but just
You seek sweet refuge in what is a heavenly host

For what is so difficult is not always what is to ensue
Often what is so grueling is facing the truth

For uncertainty is a cruel company
Teasing your every thought
Deteriorating under its shadow
Plagued by its every walk

Too jaded to be alone
To cold to sit together
Tying the strings of the mind
In a tragedy which seems forever

As you hold onto the knots she gently ties
Affixed your clench as you desperately try
Futility drives the force
Together you are untied

What does it mean to be human?
Does it mean that your body is flesh and bone?
My body is made of plastic.
What are you made of?
What makes a person whole?
Is it fulfillment? Happiness? Soul?
Whatever the case, I am not whole.
Are you?
Are humans intelligent or ignorant?
I am both.
Which one are you?
Are humans kind or wicked?
I do not know which one I am.
Do you know?
Do humans get to choose who they are?
I have tried to mould myself as best I can, into the person I want to be
Have you?
Are you human?
I am, decidedly, not human.
I am that which I do not know of
I am that which I do not wish to discover
I hope never to know who I am.
Who are you?

Wanna drink in the park,
But the ******* mosquitos...
Eaten alive and I can't stand the heat
                        so
I turn down the bed
and I wait for December.
Shaking head
                   aching neck.
I'll thank you to remember
              I've always been one
              for walking in snow,
          ******* clenching this jaw
     while I'm chomping down crow--
--Don't wanna drink in the park
              'til it's really ******* cold.

And you...
          got no reasons to lie
          or axes for grinding.
           Just summery eyes,
          blind to punchlines
                  but finding
                      me out,

       With my rank Autumn breath,
                        I'll try...
       try to settle on Spring one time.

Are you
         dwelling today
                   on concepts
of verbal grenades or clever plays. Lost this bet.
           Cut off my sleeves, no ace.
Call me in the morning, or could play it safe.
     Summer's gold, but will you freeze
                        if I don't stay?

               I'll curse my sweating
                       shakes away.

Wanna sit in the dark,
hash it out with my ego...
Barely awake, I can no longer speak
                        so
I'm glued to my bed.
I can't wait for December.
Pounding skull,
                 crane my neck--
Try once more to remember
              I've always been one
               for sleeping alone,
          turning, tossing in sheets,
          spitting crow back at cold.
--Just wanna drink in the dark
           'til I'm really ******* old.


    Were there...
          really stories to tell?
     or just axes for grinding?
           Or summery eyes,
          sneering punchlines
                  frowns sliding
                    cleats first?    

    
        With brittle Winter hopes,
                        I'll try...
     try to settle on Spring--No dice.

And I'm
         dwelling today
                   on concepts
   of phantom pains and severance pay. Taking bets?
               Fixing to lose both legs.
Take two in the morning, stay awake all day.
     You stay gold. I guess I'll stay
                     the **** away.

i'm here
without goals/doubts/regrets
partly free from biases
partly free from prejudices

observing you
acting him/her/not you
what does your mind say?
what does your body say?

There's more to suicide than what we think it is.
It's not just unanswered questions,
sometimes, it's unasked ones.

How could I let myself fall for you.
For your sweet smile.
For your cold blue eyes
For your laugh.
That laugh that sounded like heaven.

How could I let myself fall for that sweet talk.
For the taste of your lips.
For the way you smelled like lavender and cigarettes.
For the way you gripped me when we hugged.
For the way your warm lips felt against my cold skin.

How could I let myself fall for you.
For your stupid jokes.
For your strangeness.

How could I be so blind.
I didn't see the real you.
I was blinded by your mask of purity.

You were a villain disguised as a hero.

You stole my heart and left me to bleed.
You watched as I cru m bl e d.
You didn't care...

Not about me at least.

How could I be so foolish to think you were the one.
My one.

How could I...

How could you.

How could you play me for the fool I am.
The fool I was.

How could we think we would last.
How could I.
How...

-RNL