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Johnson 1d
**** is such a pain when held in the mind
A home to some solemn a morning
The outer rim of sight distorted
Never to see for I am blind

How arduous a task it must be filling this void within
Though you try to no avail still this longing persists
Never is it quite the same this flushed face hangs in singularity
Never is it quite the same the caress of her hand around your cheek

This warmth could never fully replace but yet seeks to comfort
On to my own left again am I to this bitter taste
As dark dreams are held fighting to resurface

What is it this wistful yearning to that which I despise
Casting aside vanity's vision as somehow I am left to my own demise
However monotonous the day to day may seem as my mind tapers on
To be trapped between her sheets I find ecstasy replaced with solitude's forlorn

For like moon that sits alone hung in the luminescence of a winters sky
So dull is the ache within my chest
As the darkened walls do double as they revolve around
Only to ruin what bliss I have taken upon myself

For tomorrow is to resurface
And so again I will chase the blame
For all the inevitable I attempted to thwart
Yet it all remains the same
Johnson 1d
Solitude binds the hold within
For transgressions of the past
Sins of tomorrow quite prepared
Under the weight of its inevitable collapse

For so long laying alone
Waiting for what will never be
As times hand passes by
Never is it gracious to thee

For all of the riches I’d trade
For its tender console
The bleakness never leaves
Seems to place its grip around my throat

Yet as you reflect on the past
The memories seem so strange
What was once filled with hope
Now left with a bitter disdain

And as you look forward to future
Every day’s exactly the same
You hope for the best
While you try to stomach the bitter taste

Left behind I seem to be
Never was I really there
Collapsed under this weight
Another victim of its darkened stare
Johnson Dec 2018
In the hallways throughout each of the walls
In the solitude that forms crevasses of your mind
Crippling thoughts form that are not your own

And while guilt washes over the inequity that never was
So is the blame to fall upon yourself alone
While you try to thwart the inevitable disdain
So much do wish for a chance of change

Yet no matter the will nor the strength
I fall into the same snares
Stuck on my own endless plane

For I wish so much not to do things I do
The compulsion has brought the same disdain
No comfort to be found in this self-contained plague

The heart skips beats as it comes again
The urge to obsession brings forth its cruel winds
No inclination
No thought
No prayer
To thwart the coming pain these scenes of your own despair

Disdain washes over like a haunting glow
Though no fault of your own
Your reprimanded by that of which
There is no control
Johnson Nov 2018
To thwart the inevitable
What lies in the failure to succeed
Something that like that of ghost
A haunting force never to be perceived

So, much you try
Only to come up short
For long you held tight to the fond memories
Now blanketed with remorse

Whom shall you blame when your
Efforts fall in vain
Is it a tragic force dwelt within man
Turning the hand of fate

For so long you have battle against the tide
While others float along without a ripple in water
You sea lay barren in your own demise

Yet try as you might  
Somehow it never seems to relent
The tide never turns in your favor
You lay waste in your own lament

Yet not by your own folly
It seems you are undone
For so long you have fought
Yet the battle is never won

What is this that has laid ruin to mine
Taken that which I had coveted
That which I admired

What is the meaning
If in the end it all goes to waste
Like a child we are out of the ****
Only to meet our inevitable grave
Johnson Oct 2018
How am I if ever to come to grips
With this world I wished to be dismissed
Like grey sky’s that fill the autumn days
So does the emptiness resound within this hollowed space

Never at all if ever does it turn around
With the inevitable change it brings
Trapped beneath the current
as you begin to drown

The hardest part is not the wading
rather watching others in calm ahead
Laughing at ease
While slowly your suffocating

What shame this has all become
As you ruminate on past mistakes
Validating your sorrow
Justifying your distaste

As you sink ever farther
The blackness surrounds
No more to fight against the current
As slip farther down
Johnson Oct 2018
ASH
To live is to die
To die is to live
What is the point of it all
If it all contradicts

Too much I have seen
And not enough I have known
Watching the atlas spin around
As this fable becomes my own

So much I have wanted for
Any yet soul less I have tried
For this motivation to live
I have yet to find

And wasted away again
As another romance blooms
Crushed under the weight
The affixed clench of this gloom

Like a sailor in the night
Searching for land
No plunder to be found upon me
So alone I must stand

No more do I ever want
To be in such state
However much this world gives
Your defiled as it slowly rapes

However ever much are you to be
All the more you are contrived
Fantasy the only escape
On a plane of exilic defile

Muffled are your breaths unto
Another catatonic night
While you patiently wait for something
Something you will never find
Johnson Sep 2018
Feelings slowly fade
Like the days of my youth
Another commitment to fulfill
Just to numb my wounds

So much I wish to feel
When this joy is to arise
However far must I travel
To escape this rising tide

And when all seems together
The latter falls apart
Into the hands of another
Hurriedly do I ascend into the dark

How am I to stare upon
That which I may only bring pain
In this blissful company so alone do I feel  
So do I long for escape

Not into another land
Or into another’s arms
For nothing last forever
Calamity traces the scars

For so long it’s been close
Right in the sight of reach
For so alone have I been
In the wake of my own self defeat
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