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Johnson May 5
Twenty two years
No fun, no revelry, no fame
Twenty two, nine years past thirteen
No more hope
No more dreams

Like the match brightly lit
Illuminating the darkened corner of the room
Slowly fading as its snuffed out
As the flame meets with the end of its stick

And so it is that that which is by my own guilt and pain
For the you can’t change the past but strive for a better tomorrow
Yet the future is all to much the same.

Nothing more now for all that’s left is time
Watching left hand move forward
As the days of my future
Slowly fall by the wayside

Its pain of the morrow
The feeling that persists
The edge that tears the hole
The demise of any hope thats left.
Johnson Mar 17
What is and somehow is there again
For the arms that gripped tight at the waist
Now seem to give way
To embrace this a new cold a formless shape

If life is the sum whole of one’s fleet joy
Somehow the light of life has never shone upon me  
This toil upon which vanity stole
Never again do I find such feelings arise
The death of all hope
The dreams that snuffed out

For long past memories seem to fill with hope
A promise of a chance for joy to resound again
A way to break this hold
And yet again I find myself alone as I am
In the greater distant as I choke

For in way it was never just what lies in between
What separates the two from them and me  
An endless divide for that which can never be crossed
Wanting to reach out yet the connection is invariably lost

The pain is not of the coming silence it brings
But to watch the days role by falling to their waste
Pining for what one can assume will never be
In the greater distant brought again to my knees
Johnson Mar 16
To be  guilty
Is to be ill received
To struggle within
Is that of its own effort in futility

For just as a new day dawns
Illuminates the coming of day
So is the begging of the coming dissolution
So is the inevitable distaste

Like the man at the edge of street
Sitting in the glow of artificial light
However hollowed a reality received
The weight pressed within one’s mind

It was in this worldly injustice
Founded upon the breaking of ones will
Yet in this subjective sense it seemingly shatters
While the rest remains ever still
Johnson Feb 14
Don’t leave this darkened hall for I'll always look right beyond
Whether it be shattered on some silent evening
Snuffed out by the light of the new days dawn

And while I wait by the letter for the word that never came
So much to my own amusement is this joy my only pain

For my efforts in futility seem to be
Yet they never were
Why hold out for change
When your destined to be cursed

A mock of my own contempt
Yet she always is in vain
This love of mine is that in this alone
Has left nothing but a darkened stain

And as this light becomes my host I am yet to be proud
For every day she draws near I am forever to be enshroud
This noise I come to hear as years of misery drag on
For that which I cannot have has become my only friend
Johnson Jan 20
Lust is such a pain when held in the mind
A home to some solemn a morning
The outer rim of sight distorted
Never to see for I am blind

How arduous a task it must be filling this void within
Though you try to no avail still this longing persists
Never is it quite the same this flushed face hangs in singularity
Never is it quite the same the caress of her hand around your cheek

This warmth could never fully replace but yet seeks to comfort
On to my own left again am I to this bitter taste
As dark dreams are held fighting to resurface

What is it this wistful yearning to that which I despise
Casting aside vanity's vision as somehow I am left to my own demise
However monotonous the day to day may seem as my mind tapers on
To be trapped between her sheets I find ecstasy replaced with solitude's forlorn

For like moon that sits alone hung in the luminescence of a winters sky
So dull is the ache within my chest
As the darkened walls do double as they revolve around
Only to ruin what bliss I have taken upon myself

For tomorrow is to resurface
And so again I will chase the blame
For all the inevitable I attempted to thwart
Yet it all remains the same
Johnson Jan 20
Solitude binds the hold within
For transgressions of the past
Sins of tomorrow quite prepared
Under the weight of its inevitable collapse

For so long laying alone
Waiting for what will never be
As times hand passes by
Never is it gracious to thee

For all of the riches I’d trade
For its tender console
The bleakness never leaves
Seems to place its grip around my throat

Yet as you reflect on the past
The memories seem so strange
What was once filled with hope
Now left with a bitter disdain

And as you look forward to future
Every day’s exactly the same
You hope for the best
While you try to stomach the bitter taste

Left behind I seem to be
Never was I really there
Collapsed under this weight
Another victim of its darkened stare
Johnson Nov 2018
To thwart the inevitable
What lies in the failure to succeed
Something that like that of ghost
A haunting force never to be perceived

So, much you try
Only to come up short
For long you held tight to the fond memories
Now blanketed with remorse

Whom shall you blame when your
Efforts fall in vain
Is it a tragic force dwelt within man
Turning the hand of fate

For so long you have battle against the tide
While others float along without a ripple in water
You sea lay barren in your own demise

Yet try as you might  
Somehow it never seems to relent
The tide never turns in your favor
You lay waste in your own lament

Yet not by your own folly
It seems you are undone
For so long you have fought
Yet the battle is never won

What is this that has laid ruin to mine
Taken that which I had coveted
That which I admired

What is the meaning
If in the end it all goes to waste
Like a child we are out of the womb
Only to meet our inevitable grave
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