Okay. I may look like everything is all happy-days-all-the-time, but I have had more mental breakdowns than I care to admit, more nightmares than I wish to face, more panic attacks than I let on, more overthinking than I smile. Most days I cannot even think about eating anything. Most days I try to sleep everything away.
Do you know how hard it is trying to keep it all together, looking perfectly fine on the outside, while internally I am breaking down, I am screaming. Sometimes I wish I did scream, just once so that I can let it all out. But would that be enough even then?
I have had more battles than victories. More fights than laughs. You would think speaking about it all would help, but sadly, it has not.
But, I have prayed more than I've cried. I write more than I speak. I breathe more than I blink.
And overall, this I know for a fact: I have lost - maybe more times than I have won - but I have won, I have failed, I have achieved, I have cried, and I have laughed, I prayed, I loved. And most importantly, though I thought I had - i did not fold.
It's a long one I know. But maybe, just maybe someone feels the same way, maybe this is something someone else needed to read, maybe this will help someone understand better. Maybe. I have decided to share this based on a "maybe" and not just to share my story.