I was doing just fine
without you
without anyone
finally, I sighed in relief

I forgot to close the door
Suddenly
I was pulled in

Cautious, I simply peeked out the door
I shouldn't have

I should've closed the door
I had forgotten to
Maybe not
Maybe I hoped

But the door closed on it's own
and I thought
What a good thing it did

It opens again
To pull

pushed

and pulled

push...and pull...
I grew weaker to resist with each force

I am a tired soul now
Only so much strength left in me to
either
open the door for the last time
or close it for once and for all

I hate these games,
the pushing and the pulling

I want to settle.
but who's there to settle with?

So I push the door open
to walk away
to enter another
and pull it shut.

I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff
Adrenaline and fear humming a harmony,
teasing me or just mocking me
One push is all it takes
Pathetic, fragile, vulnerable

i caught myself digging up old friends
as if i need to see their faces again
i went away and i stayed the same
you lay there and withered away
maybe there's better meadows
to bury these bones beneath
decomposing, roots grow slowly
you could help push the daisies

I want you to listen.
I don’t need any feedback.
I'm not happy in our relationship.

Mainly because i still feel some type of way from the summer.
Thinking i should bury the situation and my feelings. But i couldn’t.
The idea of telling myself “I’m ok with being pushed away” is ok, is not ok.
Deep down, this will happen again just like everything else did.
Causing us to be off, odd, & awkward.
This doesn’t mean i love you any less.
But i don’t see our relationship getting better.

For awhile now,
i been thinking i came back into your life
as a friend and not a potential husband.
Simply because you needed a friend,
to help you get through whatever you’re truly battling that i'm not aware of.
Show you a different path where you can grow vs Chicago.
Leave the pass behind for good and be truly happy somewhere else without worry about
what others may want from you
or feel like you’re being used.