Each moment of awareness and of being present counts.

what is this tyranny,
i see,
creeping and thriving, ever so free,
under your corrupt reign,
my woes are flowering,
thorns ever growing,
misery ever blooming,
yet never relieving,
I'm bound in struggles straightjacket tight,
as you water these weeds that choke my rights,
what can i do to display my dismay,
except lament and cry everyday?

Joy, it caught me content,
Hopping, smiling.
Overflowing emotion,
Moved,
Restless,
Thoughtful,
Full,
Happy,
Truly, if only for a moment.
I wish it could last,
And perpetuate itself
Consistently,
Continuously.
But, content with the present,
I hold, marked consistently,
A memory present in the future,
A certain present.

I lose myself in spectral alternatives
Of an uncertain and nonexistent future.
Tormented by inconsistent thoughts,
By inconsistent perspectives
And in the countless possibilities of the horizon.

A feeling that accelerates the chest,
At times paralyzing and tormenting,
Moving in disharmonious rhythms,
Expelling an unmeasured air
From a gasping breath.

I cling to the present
That runs and does not forgive,
Thrives and insists,
Being the only one that resists,
To the past and to the future.

I feel hungover,
Ugly and fat.
(It might be
that I drank last night),
But it is more likely
That's because of
Gluttony.
I'm not chasing
Anything, anyone, anymore.
There's no anxiety,
Is it depression?!
What is this unknown place?
I know to be present,
Which elevates and calms
These feels,
So I'll sit and watch:
The butterflies and bees,
Release this heavy
state till free,
And embrace these sensations
just now, of me.

One step at a time, don’t run ahead or you’ll miss that step?
Contradictions, paradoxes,
we live in a world of being so exposed
But yet, we are all still so hidden,
To ourselves, and to each other.
Trying to predict the future is prized,
Yet, it’s such a cowardly act.
One step at a time is bravery undervalued:
It doesn’t win awards, but you win yourself.

Just to get a grip

on what's happening, I say --


out loud: nownownow.

Lord, help me be open and present
To your will and your love
Even when I only hear silence
Grant my soul peace and my mind calm
As I am before you, open and present
And still, I know you are with me
I know you are near
You are faithful now and always you will be
I will remain faithful to you
It has been thirty-four days on this journey to you
And somehow, I'm still blown away even though I knew
That it could happen that it would happen:
Forty-six days forty-six brand new writings
With twelve days left and Holy week fast approaching
Help me continue to be open and present
That you for this gift that is heaven sent
That you for the trial and transformation of Lent
That you for the preparation and peace of Advent
That you for this daily living
For the breath that you keep giving
For the bread by which we're fed
For the light by which we're led
Thank you for the gifts you bring
Thank you, Lord, for everything
Lord, help me be open and present

Amen