Feel safe here and now. This is enough.

Let's immerse ourselves in this moment here and now.
For we don't know when this time may be over.
Let's feel it all and let go of our doubt.
Life is too short and our thoughts too loud.

Sometimes it's worth it to dive deeply into
Whatever shows for you today,
Take all you can, this moment is unique to you,
The harder you think the farther it may be away.

what if I’m waiting
for something that will never come,
what if I was not who I am,
what if I never questioned

what if I don’t want to look on prospects drear
what if I want to be the mouse, not man-
who only lets the present toucheth thee,
to not be a human
that guesses an’ fears.
What if I accept that
even the best laid schemes
gang aft agley,
that often my whimsical dreams
are to keep my actions at bay
tucked under my hat,
kept from leading me astray
because after all Burns said,
in proving foresight might be vain.

And maybe a humans life is what I was destined to get,
but I will not be stopped yet,
though plans may falter and not be met
I will keep here set
In my human form of pain and regret.

I dialed the landline to my childhood home,  
let it ring into the past—  
again and again and again

I knew my parents wouldn’t answer.
They're both dead.
Still, the ringing soothed—  
each unanswered tone
a promise that someone,
anyone, might answer.

After ten rings, a recorded message came on.
The voice was full of girly twang
and the snap and pop of bubble gum.

The voice I heard was nothing like my mother.  
It was the mother I once imagined—  
carefree, untouched by the cigarette rasp,  
free of the heavy, deliberate tone  
that braced against disappointment.  
Not the chant of a woman  
who saw no promise in herself, only in her children.

Beyond my window, a sparrow circles,  
returning to the nest it has built—  
a place that still remembers its shape.  

The message ended.  
I let the silence stretch,  
listened to the emptiness  
on the other end,  
then hung up.

I noticed the heat bending
through the window's refraction
wondering if revisiting the past  
quenches nostalgia for the dead,  
gives my parents a proper ending.

I watched other people mowing my small lawn
under a bright sky,
listened to Spanish pop blaring from tiny speakers,
the music drowning out the din
of nail guns attaching shingles
to all the houses being built beyond.  

I move with the moment,
opening the window
to take in the scent of just-clipped grass,
dancing awkwardly to this music with lyrics
I can barely hear in a language
I'm learning to understand—  
laughing until my belly hurts

Everyday we wake up is something new
We are always working towards something
A destination
The promotion, the house, the view
Always so zoomed in we miss everything

The moment of each breath
The pause between
The laughter, the pain
Each refrain
Brings us closer to home
To the present of the present
The gift of life is in the now

I remembered
How you looked at me
The first time you saw me
And I thought to myself
How much I loved you

I remembered
How you looked at me
The last time you saw me
And I thought to myself
How I will always love you

Let's be grateful for that one moment today which made us smile.

Don't search for me for where I am,
I'm not searching for where you are.

To that which you "belong."

Don't look for me to the future,
For I learned your histories & they are repulsive.

The records are detailed & long.

Don't give no magnification on my past,
For I have the details of your future.

Wrong is just wrong!