p e r h a P s . y o u . c a n t . s e e . m y . d r e a m s
b u t . L a s t . n i g h t . i . h a d . o n e . a b o u t . y o u
i . s c r e a m e d . f o r . y o u . w h e n . i . s l E p t
a n d . i . b e g g e d . y o u . t o . A n s w er
b u t . y o u . S i m p l y . c o u l d . n o t
b e c a u s e . t h i s . i s . d r e a m . l a n d . a n d . n o t . r E a l . l i f e

i n . t H i s . d r e a m . a n . i l l u s i o n . w a s . f a b r i c a t e d
o n e . w h e r e . y o u . c o u l d n t . h e l p . b u t . h o l d . m E
i t . w a s . l i k e . w e . r e L a p s e d .  i n . t h e . d r u g . o f . u s
o u r . P r o g r e s s . i n . r e c o v e r y . o f . e a c h . o t h e r . e r a s e d

n o . o n e . h e a r s . M y . t e a r s . w h e n . i . w a k e . u p
i . c r y . b e c a u s e . i . k n o w . t h i s . d r e a m . w i l l . n e v e r .
b e . a . r E a l i t y

Happiness is everywhere. It goes to people who deserve it. I see it everywhere. In peoples faces, their actions and the way they talk. But why can’t I be happy. Why does it have to be like a storm that goes around a town or a city. How do people do it? How do people find someone that makes them happy? And then hold onto them. What do they have that I don’t? A will to live, self-esteem, someone that loves and cares about them. Why can’t I be happy?

old habits approach me like dealers
in the darkness. their faces hidden by shadow,
their intentions vivid as they whisper
wonderful promises of release,
of escape and of freedom.

i tell them no, push them away,
i attempt to stray towards the light.
they grab my wrist and spin me around,
holding tight as they look me in they eyes
and whisper "you're not going anywhere".

i try to hold out, but the fear is building
up inside, and i'm not sure if i am strong enough
to fight back, to win this constant battle.
i want to scream for help, i want to cry out
in desperation, but i am drowning.

i share my body,
i share my mind,
i don't have privacy
from the person inside.

she's a demon,
a ***** to the core,
she forces bad thoughts
and a whole lot more.

it's a a constant struggle,
it's always a fight,
sometimes i wish she'd go
but mostly at night.

i don't want her inside,
i just want to be free,
i'm tired of her ruining everything,
i just want to be me.

it's a constant thought that i can't get out.
i want it to stop screaming out, filling my mind
at every waking moment, suffocating me
and stealing the good moments.

it won't stop. i want to think about life,
about my life, and my life with him. i don't
want the constant thought of what
everyone's lives would be like if i killed myself.

i know that it's because of the recent death,
but i'm afraid that deep down it's jealousy.
who am i to be jealous of a dead man who just
wanted life but was served death?