How hard it is to really live your life
when all your fears in your mind are strife;
the fears that keep you hidden in your room
afraid to leave in case those fears become realised in all it's gloom.
Like the skies I cannot hold the pressure, feeling so very snowed under;
With my mind in turmoil and at the end of my tether, I'm ready to explode just like the thunder.

She is trapped in her head filled with dreams and nightmares.
Sometimes she falls into a deep despair.
A life of happiness is what she craves;
Before she’s dug beneath her grave.
What was once a reality is now in the pass;
Yet it still suffocates her like a thick toxic gas.
She screams out in silence for her Utopia.
Hoping to escape all her phobias
Her dreams held so much potential.
But her nightmares were more confrontational
If only she knew what she was capable of
Maybe she would be able to fly up above
Up above all her nightmares
And conqueror all her fears
But instead she’s drowning
Drowning in tears.

Everything stops when I see the            blur
hear the low, vibrating                                 buzz
                                                       RIGHT IN MY EAR
Flinch
spasm
FREEZE

My muscles
every last one
tense and rigid

                                         Don't
                                          Move
        ­                                    An
                        ­                         Inch
My head snaps to my shoulder
My hands fly to my neck
                                   my signature tic
protect my ears protect my head
or the monster
the horror
                               the bee
will fly into my skull and-


I feel its legs                covered in short fibrous tendrils oh god no

scuttling inside my head an itch I can't scratch

a whimper lodges in my throat
                               threatens to turn into a

SCREAM

-into my brain

the blur flashes by
as sweat     r
                      o
                          l
           ­                 l
                              s
down my back
MY SKIN IS BURNING EVERYTHING IS BURNING
the wasp in my head is
STINGING ME EVERYWHERE AT ONCE
Tears sting
Arms sting
everything stings

***** this phobia!

It doesn't creep around slowly.
Everything is fine one moment,
the next it isn't.
It hits like a bus
when your back is turned.
Sometimes
you know  just before
that something's wrong

and then,
suddenly
it hits
a punch to the gut
crippling
tearing open the hole
you thought was closed
ripping it's edges larger
and larger
with each passing second

screaming isn't an option.
it never has been.
you just deal with it
breathing a little to fast,
trying to rip your thoughts away
but being dragged back in
****** in
until its all you can think about .

Most of the time people don't notice
you almost wish they would.
but when they do notice
it's even worse.

Sometimes it doesn't bother you
Often, though, it does.
When it does

Its a fear
worse than death.