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Then
Luscious and green
Pine, oak, maple, and more
The best ever seen
Lilacs, sunflowers, and daisies galore

Beautiful


Now
Pollute, Pollute and Pollute some more
Baby turtles dying
Because of man-made stores
Consumers still buying

Corrupt
I am inexplicably excited to experience that love.
The love my mother had with my father.
The love that movies are made from.
The love that poems derived from.
The love that songs are based on.
The love the is irrevocable.
The love that is idolized.
The love the joins two.
The love that is true.
I am inexplicably excited to experience that love.
Nothing is painful.
Nothing is pleasurable.
Nothing is anything.

It is dull.
Quiet.
Gray.
There is no black and white, because is doesnt matter.
It's all the same.

There is no color, not even sepia toned.
There is nothingness.
Blackness.
No feeling.
Nothing at all.
I stood at her bedside quietly.
She looked peaceful.
She looked happy.
I held my siblings' shoulder as they cried.
I knew it would be hard for them.
I would be there for them.

It was just twenty minutes ago.
I had looked over, her oxygen tube was no longer moving.
Not in the rhythmic way it does when she breathes.
It was still, still as stone.
I swallowed thickly before speaking aloud.
My mom was quick to get up to make sure.
I hesitated before following her over.

I now waited for my little sister to take a breath.
Her sobs racked her body and I rubbed her shoulder.
They'd never lost someone before.
It wouldn't be goodbye forever,
but for a while.

They both said goodbye with sobs.
I stayed there quietly.
She looked tranquil.
No pain.
No worry.

~

I was the only child to attend the viewing.
She looked cold this time.
Pale, a little blue.
And yet still so beautiful.
She was only in a cardboard box.
I'd wished we brought nail polish.
I believe my my mom said goodbye there.
I stayed quiet.
I never said goodbye.

I wish I would have just said goodbye.
I wish she would've taken more pictures.
I wish I knew more about her.
I wish she never got cancer.
I wish I would have just said goodbye.
I wish she never smoked.
I wish the cancer never metastasized.
I wish she was here.
I wish I would have just said goodbye.
I wish I didn't have to take care of her with my mom at 15.
I wish she never became weak.
I wish she stayed healthy.
I wish I would have just said goodbye.
I wish I would have cried.
I wish I would have felt.
I wish I would have just said goodbye.

Goodbye grandma.
I love you.
But it isn't goodbye forever.....
Right?
God Is A Woman.
God is a black woman.
God is a black woman, with frizzy coarse hair.
God is a woman who knows that everything is not what it seems.
God is righteous and good. God is a righteous and good woman.
God is a smart woman with more knowledge than humankind.
God is a black woman, with frizzy coarse hair.
God is a black woman.
God is a woman.

I cant wait to meet the woman who rules the world.
It burns.
It's so cold.
The ice surrounds me.
My arms and legs are swallowed whole.
It feels like fire licking me, perspiration dispersing soaking me.
My lungs are no longer working, spasing in pain.
I need to inhale, but I can't.

I need to.
But I know I cant't.
My ribs are being crushed.
My life is being ****** away from me.
The excruciating pain that is this.
The overwhelming sensation.
I know I am dying.
Slowly, Painfully.

I need to breath.
I inhale deeply, searching for the air.
I am met with ice, more and more icy crystals.
I'm kicking and getting no where, I am trying so hard.
I can hear them calling my name, 'just a little more'
I cant go anymore. Their words are not enough
I can not make it out of this, I cant fight.
I cant fight my demons, impossible
They are drowning me.
I can't get out.
Goodbye.
I tried.
"I'm getting bullied by my wife." He said.
His voice was soft, his tone was light.
It was joke, no harm was in sight.

I just smiled and walked away.
But I begin to wonder.
Should I have stayed?
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