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Love tramples my bitter heart
Shadows follow my feet
Through deep pool of frustration I wade
Legs may as well be made of concrete

To find exit in this forest of grief
Quiet the picture of you in my mind
Grows in the gaps your absence has rendered
Tiniest light so sharp leaves my eyes blind

That chases progress in circles
Some wishes aren't meant to come true
Worth it warming memories over smoldering embers
For peace that passed away with you
Written 9-7-24
Maya Fields Dec 8
Little do they know that
I still sit here in my room
At night and cry myself
To sleep wishing that
You were here with me.
and they will never know
-Nina
Maya Fields Nov 27
I sat there
Beside you
Holding your hand
Not wanting to let go because i knew
If i did you would too
Then you would disappear.
I knew that when i left
Walked out of that room
I never see you again,
Or laugh again
No more meeting at family gatherings
Or rushing to you with open arms.
No more looking for your face in a crowd of our family members
Always going straight outside because i knew you’d be there
Smoking a cigarette.
I miss you.
I shouldnt never let go of your hand
I shoudve endured and soaked in the warmth and comfort
Of your hands, your touch.
I miss it.
Now i sit here on my bed writing this down
About us, about you and how
I wish i wouldn't have listened to mom voice
Vaguely echoing in my ears when she said
It's time to go, honey
I wish i hadn't looked her way
Instead of continuing to admire and appreciate your beauty
When i looked over at mom with swollen eyelids and lips
From my tears,
I turned back to you and looked through the blurred vision
Through my watered up eyes ready to burst with cries
I squeezed your hand and said
Ok, give me a minute
And as i heard the faint sound of moms voice and her shoes hit the tile
Of this hospital room with the smell of failing to bring back life,
She replied
Ok.
And when the door shut the cries burst
And i closed my eyes not being able to bear the sight
anymore
Of this flower flying away and out of reach that i may see someday,
Many hours away
I should have stayed.
Shouldve stayed in your touch
You love and your hold
I should have never let go
Of your hand
I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried.
Now instead of holding your hand sitting by your side
Admiring your beauty everyone else ignored
I lay in my bed writing you this,
I miss you.
You were my person,
And while others mourned once and are now okay
Just scrolling through the memories
I still cry i am still mourning
Because I miss you,
And i feel you.
Still.
I look up at the pictures of you hanging on my walls and
Beside my bed on the table,
All of you and me.
Me and you.
I wear my butterfly earrings that remind me of you
When someone says i have to take them off i stand my ground and make sure They know that it is not just a jewelry piece,
Its you in remembrance i carry with me.
I miss you,
My person,
My nina.
I miss your presence, and your joyous laugh that filled all our ears, even if the others were unappreciative of it.
Dear daddy
Wish I could talk to you
Dear daddy
Wish I could see you
Dear daddy
I wish I knew why you left
Dear daddy
Wish I could understand
Dear daddy
I know we never seen eye to eye on things
Dear daddy
I knew you loved me
Dear daddy
I knew you where there
Dear daddy
Can you hear me
Dear daddy
I love you
Dear daddy
I seen red cardinal is that you
Dear daddy
I see white bird feathers is that you
Dear daddy
I see butterflies is that you
Dear daddy
I see flowers is that you
Dear daddy
Was that you ?
Where Shelter Aug 13
typo of the first degree
meant to type passed,
better to letter the error,
write the poem you knew
was the one of the litter inside,
stewing & brewing in the internal
of you, regardless of the woulda
shoulda coulda of poetic eye~hand~brain
trinity of discombobulation…

we passed a 110% good-god-
another-glorious-day—perfect
in every aspect of deep respect,
lazing in sun and shade, no
matter, for the cool customer
of gentling breeze comforts
the global populace and each
draws comfort, deposits solace,
from the timeless day that slowly
slips inside us, a blessing for the
senses, that are inadequate to
praise it properly, ‘cept with a
nod of appreciation for the great
blessing that on us has been
bestowed…

we read, I write, bring her a
coffee unasked, for the chip
secreted by me in her temporal
lobes, lobs me a silent alarm:
snacks required!

we heartily dinner debate,
turkey burgers or mushrooms better?  
Bun, No Bun?
Salad ingredients  consumes a
de minimus 5 minutes before the
holy silence of our total environment,
soothes the phony discordiality of our
pretense, that there are two sides here,
not just hers, no matter what🙄
any diplomatic observer might
think…

the bunnies sense our presence,
emerging from the cool dark
of the shaded burrows dug beneath
our redwood deck, & get fed baby carrots,
that they pretend not to see until the babies
are summoned, from beneath the ledge!!!

the deck, that is now in its forty fifth year,
grows ancient stronger with a good annual,
steam blasting face lift, bettering with age,
keeping pace with the creatures resting on it,
just above the bunnies below’s steerage deck,
though the humans graceful age with no
artifices or outside help, except the air,
its salty flavoring, and the panoramic view’s
total encompassed comforting…

so the day passes, and it’s added
to our cull of perfection, distinctly
better than the day prior but who
can be sure, not I, for the poems
come easy, the music delivers delight,
the books read, additive to the engine
of the human body of know-more-ledge,
weighty matters, but zero caloric, and
thus, well deserved and served for dinner’s
chatter banter + desert with caramel M&M’s (1)

and the poet signals that the poem near complete,
and the trad sign off, today unnecessary, no need to query,

Where is Shelter?

for we are all a day wiser, and smile,
the answer before and inside us,
and the only open question remaining,
can heaven be better, and we secret wink,
cause the answer is. too obvious to we restees,
here, here is heaven, and go back to giving thanks
for our lucky stars…
3:12pm Tue Augustus 13
two thousand and twenty four

(1) or Tootsie Roll Lollipops, alternatively…
lua Sep 2023
summer passed
quietly in the night
said his final words
in a mumbled phrase
drunk off of a morning haze
stuck in a dazed state

it didnt phase me
at first
nor did i notice
when his body turned limp in my bed

summer passed
and he did so in silence
because he wanted me
to sleep
and to rest.
Nigdaw Feb 2023
when time was something that passed

rather than to be grasped
finishing post in sight
chequered flag on the sat nav
telling you you've arrived

when time was acres of summer sunshine

not pollution coated air, holes in the ozone
worrying about global warming
but still building building building
for the future they say....

when time was your own to cherish

not jobs to do meetings to attend
places to visit but not really see
bills to pay questions to answer
a debt to honour for the ever after

when time just existed
it felt like forever
now there's no forever after
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