A virus is like a secret,
once it’s out, it’s out.
Like, hey, don’t tell anyone,
but I’m gay, and I have blood
in my lungs. I’m trying to choke
the gay out of myself
before anyone else can. You
see, it’s all about control:
needing it, and taking it,
and the in-between state
of having complete control
and spiralling out of it at the same time.

So if I want to find a vaccine
for all the bad thoughts I’m having
about myself, isn’t that just another
way of saying that I’m trying to make myself
immune to hatred from outside?
If it originates in the lungs,
in the mind, in the sickly body,
then it’s somehow more authentic.

And maybe I can deal with it
a little better. Only a little,
because I’m still one-hand-pinned
against the wall, choking myself
to the point that I can’t form words,
can’t say the things I’m desperately
trying to adjust to.

you didn’t notice that i’m fading
you have your family
i don’t have mine
you were

Moments no one could expect,
Like the year New York City finally slept.
When cuddles and kisses were no longer romantic,
And coughing or sneezing created mass panic.

We feared the air and what it could hold,
As we watched the breaking news unfold.
The days merged and time slowed –
We waited at home as morgues overflowed.

Strangers became heroes overnight -
Dawning masks of blue and suits of white,
Working relentlessly with no end in sight.

When keeping distance was a sign of affection,
Knowing it was for your own protection.
Children stripped away from friends,
For reasons they could not comprehend.

Through troubles and trials -
The answer to our prayers,
Came in glasses and vials.

For as the sunsets and rises,
Across every ocean horizon.
And like the certainty of tides -
This storm will soon subside.

This too shall pass -

light my fuse on fire and set me aflame
watch as you singlehandedly set me ablaze

what is it like to watch me burn, baby?
I'm no better than cinder, ashes in an urn.

lately I feel just like charcoal residue,
remember when I was sweet and wet like honeydew?
do you remember when I was good to you?

how much longer can we pretend?
that we know when this war will end,
I can't express how badly I miss my best friend.

charging towards each other from opposing ends of a battlefield,
no matter how much I beg,
your sword you will not yield.

pull out your guitar and play a chord
I don’t know how much longer I can afford
to run around on this chessboard

moving pawns and rooks
when we should be swimming in ponds,
and reading books.

thoroughly covered in brambles
I‘ll wait as you amble

who knew we could get so tangled in something we thought we could handle?

we’re filled with pride and jealousy,
resentment and envy too

how can we come back from this?

what did we lose?

During our recent, year-long pandemic imprisonment, my room - which, objectively, is a very nice room - seemed to transform, late-nights, into a tomb. I had to open all the windows just to feel like I could breathe.

Night after night, when the lights were out, I’d lay perfectly still, perfectly awake until all-hours, listening to crickets. There must be a billion of them in Georgia.

Persistent consciousness can drive you mad.

“Why are your windows open?”, my mom would say, hurrying to close them in winter (to save heat) and summer (to save cool).

I wouldn’t argue - I’d just shrug, wordlessly and reopen them once she left. I seldom argue anymore - I surreptitiously do whatever I want to.

I feel like I'm the only one
who really cares
about the pandemic.

I feel like I'm the only one
who is scared
to infect someone I love.

I feel like I'm the only one
who sees
that a storming is coming.

I feel like I'm the only one.

Dear God I thank you
for every single precious breath
And when you'll place us in paradise
   We shall thank you then for death.

People round the world gasping for breath, breathless,
short of breath, some unable to catch their breath,
       some breathing their last,
some on artificial costly breathalysers .
How many times do we thank God
for the countless free breaths we breathe our entire life??
Oxygen o2 more valuable and scarce than diamonds nowadays.
         Respiration, the main need of all life
Those who eventually recover from covid and find their breath again
             can finally breathe a sigh of relief.
Yet heavenly sights in paradise  will be sure
  to take our breath away anyway.

           Life or afterlife
      Here and hereafter
   Life's a gift from God
Now and thereafter
Why end it here and now
Why not extend fun and laughter?
When my DNA and RNA expires with me
  May God Resurrect and revive it in me
I live and die for an extension of life in afterlife
   God grant me that part eternity
To search for the meaning and purpose of life
   is to search and find the Creator of all life
      i know there's out there somewhere
     in Allah's universe, a heavenly portal
      that will lead me to eternal bliss
            designed by Allah the immortal.
Imagine a perfect heavenly life with no fear , death or problems
That's a life to die for, when Allah transports us to those realms.

    An abode with no sickness or illness
Only peace and total eternal happiness
No viruses but rather real flying horses like real Pegasuses
   We could get to ride and fly the universe
   with angelic wings without planes or buses
But you have to work to earn and deserve that heavenly paradise
        Just follow God's latest holy book, so perfect and so wise.