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I'm laying here on my bed
With loads of things to do in my head

I could clear my table of the clutter
Make some space
For somewhere to eat bread and butter.

I could be making a hat from  knitting
One of the most relaxing times
I'll always be admitting

I could be in my living room singing
The neighbors ears and mine included
would start Ringing

I could be typing up poems for my book
To which moving to the computer
It's like I feel stuck

I want to do these things I really do.
It's so hard to understand why can't i do things other people can do
I'm so badly trying to get some kind of diagnosis, the struggle is real.
My neurodivergent mind is overwhelmed with pressure, struggling under the weight of the sea.
Yet, amidst the chaos, God reaches down to pull me from the depths and set my spirit free.

-Rhia Clay
CantSeeMe Jul 27
my heart feels heavy
not like the metaphors
breathy
but it really does
I lay my hand
where it’s supposed
to be
it feels weak
almost
not beating

my lungs
breathing deep

my eyes tired
blurry

my throat
full of weird soft shivers
like my heart silently beats there
weak

my brother's music playing
in the background
my ears on sharp
listening

my hands...
sweaty

my legs
heavy

overwhelmed
Something different... just wrote it in the moment itself.
lexi Jul 22
what is it to be numb?
is it to feel nothing or to feel everything so much its too much
is it to be so aware you can just shut it off
or is it just simply surviving
maybe the answer is differently for everyone but for me
being numb is everything and nothing at the same time
feeling so many things you just feel nothing
being confused and not being able to know your true feelings
being numb isn't the absence of emotion
its to be so overwhelmed with your feeling you don't know how to really feel them.
Nosy Jul 17
The day of my release
I walked the streets
Seeing the sky and the grass under my feet
It was weird, I was free
But not free from my memories-
They flee,

The people I once knew,
Can't look me in the eye
They know what I did,
But so do I, because everyday I relive-
All the things that haunt me

Every day's a clock, with no hands
Each minute strikes the soul like a match
How am I supposed to relive-
Relearn to live

The cars and the people
The dog on the corner,
He barks like crazy
But nothing will be as crazy as the thought
Maybe I want to go back to-
What was once my living doom

I was told to get a job
But right now crossing the street-
Feels like my head will pop
All the honks and the shouts
Who knew the world could be so loud

In confinement it was quiet
Because a noise too loud,
Could trigger a guard,
Beating us until,
the lights went out-

Showers and meals were on a schedule,
Now I have to decide for myself
And still I manage
I cross the street-
Not trying to vanish-
In my internal defeat.
Kalliope Jul 12
Sleep is a funny thing,
A place that’s hard to go.
Will she keep me peacefully,
Or smother me in my woes?

Will it be restful,
Or will I wake up in pain?
Tossing and turning through the night,
Lack of sleep driving me insane.

Sometimes she greets me softly,
With dreams sweet as honey,
Other nights she’s cruel,
Nightmares so real I'd give therapists money.

I lie there counting shadows,
Tracing cracks along my wall,
Begging her to claim me,
As the hours slowly crawl.

Sleep-deprived woman,
Navigating life’s maze-
No time to sleep when
There’s coincidences for me to appraise.

Everything has a purpose,
Can’t rest till I have an answer.
A tough relationship with slumber,
But ****, she’s my favorite dancer.
If I flip the pillow three times and sleep with the blanket upside down maybe then she'd be satisfied
Kalliope Jun 21
I don't even have hobbies anymore
I just cry,
Competitively
2200
Kalliope Jun 14
I beg for understanding
   But I can't even figure out myself

I crave recognition
   But do nothing worthy

I'm desperate to be seen
        But my own vision is clouded
0900
Lostling Jun 8
Ping
4 unread messages from contact: Cookie Monster

Ping ping
173 unread messages from group chat: cat gang

Ping ping ping ping
392 unread messages from group chat: secret society

I'm drowning
In the words
Toomuchtoomuchtoomuch
Shutting down...

Mute chats?
Yes
Mark all as read?
Yes

Click
If I leave people on read, this is why.
Kalliope May 16
Tell me not to think of you anymore, tell me to disappear without a trace.
Tell me to shut the **** up, that you don't even want to think of my face.

See I can't stop until I'm embarrassed, apparently I haven't reached that threshold yet.
Tell me you're so mad you can't bare it, that every minute of your time went to waste.

Tell me you don't like me, don't sugar coat it like you tend to do, tell me to go back to whatever hell I came from and that you'll be better off if I'm far away from you.
I think I need to take a hiatus,
put the pen down for awhile,
My head is in a dark place,
I don't want to write in that style.
My poems are usually somber,
But lately they're anxious and mad,
Thank you to anyone who's taken the time to read, I think it'll be awhile before I come back.
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