beds crammed with our bodies,
bodies so close
hearts so distant.
the beating of my heart
matched with the
ticking of the clock to
the patter of morning rain
to the continuous  beeping
of your alarm.
hell, they almost sounded like
wedding bells.
but i couldnt hear the sound of
your heart beating.
not a single pulse, my love?

So bored, scrolling through social media sites.
I see you've updated.
Excited, I message you.
Just a simple, "Hi."

Shortly, I realize my mistake.
The recent picture, it shows you with your friends.
Laughing, having fun.

I remembered what you said yesterday.
"I'll be at the carnival tomorrow!"
Your face in the photo looks so, so happy.
Smiling brightly, eyes shining.
All the things I could never make you feel.

What's the point anymore?
I delete my message.
You won't be answering anyways.
You're out there, having a great day.
And where am I?

Just here.
Wherever that is.
Sitting, staring at this screen, watching, waiting.
It's all too much to handle, imagining you today out with your buddies.
Playing in the sun, on the carnival rides
without me.

We used to be close, so close.
What happened?
I was thrown out, like a broken toy.
Tell me, to you, am I nothing at all?

Unbearable.
I scroll past the picture trying to hold in the tears.
It's all too much.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't pretend.
It hurts, it hurts so much.
I know, deep down, I still love you.

Even though I cut that ribbon, it's weaving back.
Why now?
It shouldn't do that, you clearly didn't care.
So why still do I?

I clutch my chest, let out that sob.
The tears come falling.
The ribbon's back.
I'm sorry.
I don't want to hurt you.
I feel so, so, alone.

I'm so sorry.
I fell in love with you all over again.
It's torturous.
Once again, I'm feeling alone.

A long time ago, I used to stare into the sky.
Watching with amazement,
breathtaking glory.
That was until you happened.

I felt a fluttery feeling in my stomach
every time we talked.
I began to realize this feeling.
It's what they called
love.

We were young and dumb.
Hopeless adventures.
I used to think,
maybe,
"does she love me back?".
We could talk for hours
and never tire.

Suddenly,
hours seemed like only seconds.
Every moment we couldn't be
together
was a living hell.

I became too invested
in you.
I abandoned my health.
Sleep didn't matter
anymore.
I'd lay awake until you would respond.
Messaging until the new morning.

I started to worry about how you thought
about my looks.
I parted my hair differently.
You saw it, smiled, and said,
"You made my day brighter."
I was foolish.
I thought you loved me.

Various unfinished artworks.
Too afraid to give you my confession.
I remained quiet
but somehow
you already knew
and said nothing.

Until that fateful day
my dad forbade me.
I couldn't spend time with you anymore.
Only in school.
That was all.

I grew depressed,
started prying open my skin.
Wanted to feel pain.
Wanted to feel "alive".
I quit after my mom saw the first scar.
You knew
but said nothing.

I told you about
my restriction
on seeing you.
Next weekend,
I am brushed off like
A broken toy.
Once used, now boring.

You brought someone else.
I was shattered.
I sunk further
into this endless void.

Eventually, my sexuality got leaked.
You were hesitant around me.
Nothing was the same.
Nothing.

You knew
everything.

I decided to end it all
right there.
11:34 p.m.
I sent you a text.
Waited for a response
with tear-stained cheeks.

You knew
everything.

You told me those words.
You saved my life.
A week later,
you had the other person over again.

I throw away all the art.
Everything I poured my heart
into.

I sink deeper.
You never loved me.
I knew that
but said
nothing.

Here we are
once again.
I pull back my sleeves.
That red spot on my wrist
it looks like a burn,
except it was pencil.
Scratch.

It reminds me of the night sky.
This mark is my
star.

She is your queen
No one dares to deny
She is the glee
That makes your life worthwhile

You loved her so dearly
She loved you as much
Everyone can see your love clearly
That no one dares to touch.

You've fought battles with her
Countless of times
She never gave up while I couldn't even try.
Now let's get to the point before I run out of rhymes

For years we've been allies
Close friends some say
Only now do I realize
I had something to say

The way my heart felt
Just like no other
It boils and it melts
But you don't bother.

The way you look at her you always smile
How effortless she had made you fall in a little while
As she stood tall and talked to you all night

I was in bed wishing I'd be alright.
I wish I was in her place I know its no use
Because she is your happiness to tell you the truth.
I love you but I need to let you go for love is giving with no return at all.

The first time I saw you
I knew you were the one
There was no question in my mind
After having that much fun

There's just something about you
That I've never found before
And now that we're good friends,
I found myself wanting more

I never thought it's possible
To care for someone so much
But every day that pass
I long to feel your touch

To look into your eyes
Would make my day complete
'Coz everytime you look at me
My heart just skips a beat

Everything I wished for
And every dream I hope would come true
I never thought would happen
Until the day that I met you

Although it hurts to know
That you don' t feel the same as me
Hopefully one day you'll realize
One day you'll wake up and see.

You like Queen more than anyone I’ve ever met
I broke my own heart
And now Freddie Mercury sings me to sleep each night

I can’t let you go
Even though I never had you to start with
I’ll trick myself into thinking you could possibly love me

You’ve got blonde hairs in your car but they’re not mine
Her dye job looks better than my genetics ever did
You replaced me with someone better
I am the before photo and she is the after
She plays me better than I ever could