Someday, you may lose your faith.
You may lose your way.
But, once you understand
it's not your fault if that happens,
you can find new things
to have faith in.

You may be lost. You may be alone.
But it's not your fault.
Even if you push people away.
I know, coming from someone on the outside looking in, it's easy to say "don't listen to them"
Or "take what they say with a grain of salt."
So I won't say that.
It doesn't help you feel better anyway.
What I will say is what I said before.
It's not your fault.
I don't know what happened, but if you isolated yourself, that was a reaction.
And there's no right or wrong way
to react to anything. But not all hope is lost.
When you react, you adapt.
It's not easy. In fact, it can be quite painful.
But you did it once. You can adapt again.

On the surface, love and hate
May seem black and white.
But that's not quite right.
They're feelings.
And feelings can change.
They're also like humans.
On the surface, people may seem
Scary or really nice.
But give them time,
And they may make you think twice.
First impressions are important.
But take them with a grain of salt.
And if you get fooled,
Just know it's not your fault.

It's not your fault if he doesn't say hi as you walk by.
It's not your fault if she doesn't seem to know you exist.
But it's not their fault either.
It's not your fault if you feel too much or nothing at all.
And if it gets bad, there's nothing wrong with curling up in a ball.
We all need an escape.
This is an important one.
It is NOT your fault if you get addicted to the drugs or the drink.
It's not your fault if you get so stressed, you can't eat, sleep, or think. It's not your fault
Because bad things, confusion, sadness, stress, loss, anger...it happens to everyone. It's not a choice.

I have a memory that kills me
Like shards of glass sliding through my atrium,
Undetectable until it has ripped an
Irreparable hole in my heart.
His arm is tightened around my neck,
Pressure behind,
Pulling me to him,
My fear thicker than the air I could not breathe.
And then it was over,
Over like the red and sweat of my face
As the oxygen rushed back in.
Therapist says it was not an accident.
In 30 seconds he had tested me.
I was controllable.
Pass or fail
Depends on who you ask.

I don't know.

Its not like I want to be.
When I sit in abandoned theaters full of friends it seems to come so easily.
These after school social sessions aren't helping. They are distressing.
And this group of memories is nothing more than a time bomb to me.
Two years from now i'll at least have a reason to feel lonely.

I am not your **** toy
Not a plastic doll
Your fantasies
Don't get to come
True on my account
These aren't your fun bags
My *** is not to smack

My skin longs
For the touch of fingertips
But crawls at the thought
Bristle before, relax
Never knowing
What unwanted touch
Is coming next

Never knew to say no
Never knew wrong was wrong
Until it was all too late

Doctor in the barn
Damaged on the trail
Grabbed my wrist -- was I wrong?
Drank it all away
Faded into blackness
Forcing through the door

Older now
Learning once again
They only want one thing from you;
You're just a last resort
So feign for their attention
Gave as good as got
Dove right down that rabbit hole
Trying to drown it out

And still -- trapped, touched
Touche
But then again, and "No"
That famous word
So infamously hard to hear

Too ashamed to fight back
Give in
Then
Live in
FEAR

Let me say again
Because it bears repeating:
Give in, then
Live in fear
Bare --
Repeating

R-A-P-E
Say it with me now
Such an ugly word
How does it make you feel

Do you feel ashamed
Are you feeling scarred
Do you feel her fear
Or is it not so clear?
Do you feel
Powerful now
Or is it
All her fault

Such an ugly word
So,  say it with me now
R-A-P-E
Found out what it means to me.

I release you from the compulsion, your feelings, not mine.