5 a.m. and I still haven’t slept
A thought in my head suddenly crept
Why do I feel nothing when I think of you
The feelings left like an eagle who suddenly flew

Is this what feeling okay feel like?
That numbing pain is now out of sight
I don’t know if I could get used to this
Never knew there’s a kind of pain you could miss

I take my emotions, put them in a box
Wrap them tightly, put a ton of locks
It’s just something that I always do
Those feelings, I use them only when I need to

But now, even that box is now gone
I have nothing left, guess I’m done
Guess I’ll move on to better things
Maybe this time, I might call this life worth living

Never have I ever dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul.

you
     promised
           me

but

I always leave hoping someone will run after me. I’m not good at goodbyes and I hate letting go.
It’s been that way for years.
For a while, my demons left me alone and I met a few angels along the way.
The peace of having a hand to hold kept my sanity in tact.
I slept fine underneath the blankets of affection and dreamt of dreams that I knew would come true.

For a while I believed that I was happy.
I have never needed to be saved.
I can do that myself.

I just want to be loved.

I'm never alone
with a mirror

It was two in the morning.
He sat so close to me,
There was no room to breathe.
His head rested on my shoulder,
His hand was lain over my thigh.
And we just sat there.
My heart was beating a mile a minute.
I wanted nothing more,
Than to be sitting there with him all night.
But then he kissed me.
It felt so different from anyone else.
He took my breath away...
I didn’t want it to end...
But the sun must show her face eventually.
After that night something changed.
Sure i liked him before,
But after that night,
He never left my mind.
I didn’t want anyone else,
But he did.
He didn’t want a relationship,
He just wanted the ****** things.
Like i was just there for his pleasure.
But i didn’t care.
It was three in the morning.
I fell asleep on the couch in an uncomfortable way.
Then he grabbed me and let me sleep on him. We laid there,
We cuddled,
We kissed.
I want him.
When I envision my future,
All i can see is him.
I can see him on our date.
I can see him at the end of the aisle in a tux,
Next to a preacher.
I can see him kissing my massive stomach that holds his daughter.
I can see us sitting on the front porch as an elderly couple.
When i think of the future,
I can see him..
I would die for him,
I would **** for him,
I would do everything in my power to make sure he is okay.
I would do anything for him.
But i don’t think he would do the same...
I love him...
And i hate it.
I’ve tried being in relationships.
But i can never give my all
Because most of me belongs to him.
My heart,
My body,
My soul.
I only want him,
And him i can’t have..
He doesn’t want me...

When I think about you my heart drops
When I hear your name my heart throbs
And when I'm near you my heart stops