The thing I want most in life
Isn’t going to happen for a long time
But to anyone who will listen
I’ll tell you what it is
My dream over all
Is to be a mom
To create life and nurture it
It’s the thing I want most
And I can’t wait to boast
About my wonderful child
And all they’ve accomplished
To have a tiny little hand reach around my finger
And love me simply because I’m his mother
To experience everything through tiny little eyes
And watch their first steps
And first words
And every single little first you could imagine
To be tired and worn at the end of the day
But be grateful for the tiny little one who’s stolen my heart away
To hold them close when they get scared
And teach them what it means to care
I can’t wait to pick them up from school
And hear them cry, “Mommy!”
As they run to hug me
My dream is simple
I know it’s not grand
But I can’t wait to hold my baby
And be able to say I’ve got the whole world in my hands

fine
whatever
im the bad guy
im always the ******* bad guy
let me just sit here quietly for you
and let you tell me all my sins

im a liar and a cheat
im a sneak and a thief
ive never done anything right
and i'll die before anyone loves me

yes, its all my fault
everything is always
my ******* fault
your ****** up psyche
has nothing to do with the **** you pump into your body like candy
no way, nuh uh
thats my fault too, isnt it?

You died and it's something that I don't like to remember.
You won't be with me again on the 25th of December.
Nine Christmases ago was the last Christmas that I spent with you.
When it comes to your death, I wish I could say that it isn't true.
You were the most unselfish person I've ever known, you loved to share.
You wanted me to be happy and it was wonderful to know how much you cared.
You gave giant print Bibles to people while you lived.
You were so very special because you loved to give.
It's very sad because we can't be together on Christmas ever again.
Merry Christmas, Mom, you must be having a ball up there in Heaven.

my mother once had a porcelain teapot
gilded with flowers and leaves,
on my 12th birthday, i dropped it to the ground,
and it shattered as it hit the floor

some days i feel like that teapot
glued back together but still missing some pieces
weaker than i began
but stronger than i ever will be again.

it wasn't anything, really
just a cashier helping a customer
nothing out of the norm

except for that flicker
just a second, when she met my eyes
hers went dim

and i knew
instantly, from the way her face fell
the confusion and pain and loss in her eyes
this woman i've never seen before
knows my face

and for that split second
she thought she was looking at Her
when she saw me

my eyes, my nose, my lips
they were Hers first

She had a high school sweetheart, a best friend
She was a student and a friend and a daughter
She was my mom

She left me a very long time ago
and maybe i've moved forward from that
but it still hurts
to see the hole She ripped in the world
when She left us all

when I tell my mom I feel sick
the first thing she does
is kiss my forehead to see if I have a fever
and
I just feel like
there's a metaphor there somewhere

All-knowing am I
Of the privilege that comes
With being a son, entangled
In his Mother’s love,

And that, (He wishes
You to know)

Is more than enough.

Thank you air for being there.
Thank you water for wetting things and drinking down the dryness that comes in waves when climate misbehaves.
Thank you fire for melting the marshmellows and heating my back.
Thank you earth for giving me onions and potatoes and carrots and beets and mushrooms and basketball players like Shaq.
Thank you God for the love in my heart.
Thank you Mom for kissing my ear, and
Thank you air for being there.