This was very unexpected,
The pain is a pain I've never felt,
There's nothing easy about losing a child,
The moment I found out,
I was drowning in tears,
I've wanted a child since I was young,
I don't question his doings,
I just take it as a lesson as well as a blessing,
God has something bigger in store for us,

This broke my heart deeper than you can imagine,
I felt like my heart was taken out my chest,
My heart stopped for a moment,
I'm trying my best to keep it together,
But truth be told it ain't easy,
The holy spirit is what's keeping me sane,
Without my faith I'll go insane,
Outside I look good but inside I'm in pain,

There's no one to blame,
Life will never be the same,
Me and my wife went through this together,
We will get through this together,
One day we will try again but not anytime soon,
My pain so deep you can't see it,
Keep my emotions inside,

God gives his toughest battles,
To his strongest soldiers,
So the battle hasn't began to begin,
It's far from over,
We are soliders so will fight to end,
Children are in our future.

I wanted you to be real
I wanted you to be real
Like a fire on a cold evening

Glowing, a spark
For a moment
A short second here,
Now a while gone

I feel the emptiness inside me
Like you’ve taken my fire too
Frozen in my chest
I’m not ready to let go

Little thing I love
Little heart I loved
Like a butterfly’s wings,
Delicate,
one day we’ll meet again

I was wondering along the cemetery my family is buried in.
My mom told my a few headstones down from my grandparents was a baby girl who died at one month and one day old. Named Rebecca. My heart stopped.
I thought of you.
My “freshman year of college” when we fell in love.
At the time we weren’t together, you loved Heather why should I have told you?
I was pregnant the first Christmas we faught, yelling in a target parking lot. I begged you to love me and you left me in the snow crying.
I wasn’t going to tell you.
At New Years you came to meet me- but it wasn’t me you wanted. You told me you loved me so you could **** me and leave me before midnight.
I remember kissing one of my best friends instead that night at midnight.
I told her that I thought I was pregnant. She kissed me and told me it would be okay.
I never got to meet you, I only got the greeting of your demise.
But I always felt you were a girl.
I was right with my instinct when I found out about your brother.
I just hope my little girl wherever you are, you are safe and happy. I asked Rebecca to stick around, I told her it’s okay if she wanted to follow me too.

I am told you are my sunset child
The one who waits on the other side
with my Nan.
Sometimes I barely feel like a man
let alone a father
But for you I would chase down every shadow
I would light a candle
to remember.


I struggled as a child
life wasn’t always good
I know you are in better place
watching my face cry
as I write this
but I will try to replace the kisses
when we meet again
we will be father and son
and I will be your friend.

Hope in things Eternal
A Promise in your Life

Shock and Sorrow at your Loss

Joy in knowing Jesus
has conquered Death and the Grave
and nothing can take away
my Hope.

Joy overwhelming met
with peace.
So many plans and prayers
were for your sake.
You were given resurrection life
and the chance to save millions of hearts,
but if all you did was change this <b>one</b>
you were worth it
and forever loved.

Heaven has never been clearer
or more sweet.

Anticipation
Met with death before your time
Waiting for heaven

You didn’t get the chance to breathe fresh air.
You didn’t get the chance to hold my hand.
You didn’t get the chance to meet your dad.
You didn’t get the chance to meet all the people who were excited to see you.
You didn’t even get the chance to tell the world hello.

You were in my belly for 12 weeks.
I didn’t learn about you till week 5 but I loved you all the same.
Your dad and I were so excited, and we did everything we were supposed to.
We got you a crib and clothes, even though we never got the chance to find out your gender.  
We were just so happy we finally got pregnant.

Not enough tears could fill the void you once held in my belly.

We didn’t get the chance to know your gender.
We didn’t get the chance to hold you in our arms.
We didn’t get the chance to name you.
We didn’t get the chance to paint your room.

I had a miscarriage.
It just wasn’t our time.
Miscarriages **** emotionally, physically, and mentally.
The only thing that keeps me going is knowing my grandma is up there holding a new angel in her arms.
You were going to be born in a world of love.
I can’t help but blame myself.
Maybe my body wasn’t healthy enough?
Maybe I ate something I wasn’t supposed too?
Everyone keeps telling me it isn’t my fault,
But the thoughts are still there.
I just wish I could have held you,
At least once.