I gave it my all
That’s what you said to do
You said one hundred and ten percent
So I did it for you

That was fine
I was alright
Until someone else said those same words
Again, again, again

I thought I could handle it
At first
But slowly I drained myself
Like a battery

You gave me handshakes and high-fives
Awards and degrees
Certifying my excellence
Molding my existence

I pushed myself
I met my deadlines
I did what you said
I did what all of you said

After a time
All of me was poured out
Scattered
Empty

Everything I had held
Fell broken and scattered
And frantically I tried to rebuild it
From what was left

My hands shake as I try
To put the pieces back in order
A desire, a compulsion
To control my storm

Anything
Everything
Hold it together
Hold something together

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t
Echoes in my mind
As thoughts spin and whirl
A tornado of expectations

I should…
But I can’t…
Well of course not
You’ve been drained for years

“Shoulds” and “oughts”
The poison in my thoughts
I just wanted to do what you said
To show you I had listened

I always had something to prove
I still do
But now it’s not about you
It’s about me

Now, I excel when I can
When I want to
If I don’t,
It was my choice

I don’t care what you think.
I value your opinion
But now I also value my own
I know my limits

There is so much me to explore
I can’t believe I let you drive so long
I missed out on me
And so did you

So when you say to give it my all,
I might
I might not
That’s my choice

I know how much of me I have to give
Only I can portion my time
You don’t know everything
I am strong, and I have limits

I have the power to say, “no”
When you ask to take from me
But I also can say, “yes” graciously
Knowing that I don’t need it

See, that’s what’s changed
I know what I need
I don’t rely on your knowing better
Because I can decide for myself

Rather than giving everything my all,
I give it my best
Knowing that I need to save some for myself
A bit of extra bandwidth in reserve

This way, you don’t own me
But I can offer myself to you
I can still give with grace
But I can withhold with wisdom

I give it my best

Imagine you are drifting through nothingness
You see all yet nothing
Something draws to you

Sit up straighter
Hands on your knees (as you read this)
You feel your greater purpose

You are rooted in the universe as a dark dark orb
Patrolling the stark existence

Things are drawn into you as you become more round,
Yet more massive

Do you spin?
Do you spew your excess matter?
Do you lay dormant--
Only picking up what you run into?
What runs into you?

Feel yourself flow through space, time, the universe
Feel yourself defy the laws of nature and bend all that is
Feel your soul mend itself
Through all the places you've been
Construct
Deconstruct
Reconstruct again
You are a black hole
Swallowing up all that dares cross your horizon
You are both nothing, and the very existence of
Everything
All things orbit around you
Yet
You orbit around the universe
Nothing can stop you

Right now I am happy...

I feel comfortable and I feel safe.

I feel grateful for my existence and I'm enjoying my life.

I feel a warmth envelop me a hundred times a day.

Reminding me I am alive and content and free.

Right now I am happy...

I am happy to be me.

I know I'm going the right way even though I'm not certain which way that may be.

I know this from my feelings deep down inside.

I've learned to understand me, for so long I have tried.

Right now I am happy...

It's been a journey and I've survived.

I learned the hard way, to be calm and still my pride.

I want others to learn sooner, that way they can enjoy life.

Because right now I'm happy, happy to be alive.

What they see is my public face;
What I want them to see only.
Much more lies below the surface
Known only to those dear to me.
The real me, if they look closely,
Lies hidden in my poetry.

Respect the true source and you surely will hear it
Only the wicked have reason to fear it
To obtain inner peace
Just learn to release
And never forget to be mindful in spirit

A beach – a sea – a breeze – a night,
My mind — my heart – feelings – and mood,
Lit up by golden lamppost light,
Alone, while I do hope and brood.
My hope's from beauty, and from
Darkness is all the brooding, here
Making me both alive and numb,
Between a joy, between some fear.
But oh, the wave did hit my feet!
A coldness embraces my skin,
(My socks all wet), it did retreat,
Back to the sea – where have I been?
    Both hope and brooding vibes did leave,
    To be mindful, I now achieve.