i do not lie to
you being unknown is a
challenge of deep mind

I blame the chemicals
Rome wents up in flames
Sometimes I wish I weren’t the one to say
That is just my mind
That’s not who I am
To quiet when it dies
To loud when people scream
I see them reach for me

I beg you on my knees to stay
That’s all I seem to do these days
As if your shadow would be mine
You say
“That’s the curse of a loud mind”

I wish it weren’t mortal truth
In my head I’d give it up for you
I’d loose the crown, the chaos and the pain
And I’d dance, I’d dance right in those flames

You’d blow them out
Just one by one
And in your hand a loaded gun
“Peace always needed people dead”
And you’d lift it to the emperors head

I used to fly
Free as a bird
With no fear of falling

But now I am bound by chains
I have plunged into eternal captivity
Held prisoner by my own mind

a couple of glasses of wine,
taylor on the tv,
"imgonnagetyouback"
the words felt like prophecy;
so i texted you.

we wandered the half-sleeping town till sunrise,
its streets humming with secrets,
its shadows hiding what shouldn’t be seen.
we talked,
we laughed,
we kissed until words were unnecessary.

your hands, your lips, your fingers
they mapped me like forbidden territory,
they claimed me,
traced every inch of who I am,
left me marked,
burning with the memory of you.

i was there
when you made me your own,
when you carved your name into my skin.
this is the season of illicit affairs,
where love is borrowed,
and guilt blooms like a bruise on a skin.

did you slip back into her arms
as if nothing happened,
is she a fragile thing you couldn’t bear to break?
did you carry me with you,
a ghost only you could feel?

I can’t accept that my heart must turn to stone
just so that I don’t have to fade to dust and bone.
What good is life if you must go it alone?
Everyone should hear a voice versus a dial tone.

I don’t want to put a price on my head or on my soul,
and I don’t want to pay the price when I’ve already paid the toll.
Maybe I should take a lesson or two from a certain mole,
and find myself a nice warm and cozy hole.

Instead I resign and lay down on cold concrete
hoping it might absorb some of the sun’s heat,
like during days in the summer when it burns your feet,
they say you could hear an egg sizzle and it could cook your meat.

You may think I resemble a crumpled up bill,
discarded and thrown away at someone else’s will,
or maybe just another ant upon the hill
that’s awaiting to be squashed, just awaiting the ****.

Still I’m risking it all for just one more day,
even though the colours drain and then they fade to grey.
What you give you should not take away.
the rules keep on changing but not the way we play.

“Do you know what you’re doing, Em?”
I’m shaking my head and cheeks turn red.
Holding back tears but coughing up phlegm,
just consider me one of the walking dead.

And in all of that; myself I will find
and I’ll find myself becoming blind.
With clenched fists and teeth that grind,
living in the constraints of a mortal mind.

Among you, let there be no division
Be of one heart and be of one mind
Seek peace; let love guide your decision
Be strong and firm, but do not be unkind
For we are His children, one and all
There is no slave or free, no color of skin
No better or worse, none are free from sin
Created in God's great expression of love
Come to the river, be washed in the flood
Of healing and peace. Go, be reconciled
Come back to the state of truth and grace
Let your eyes be opened to see God's face
God is greater than the sum of our difference
In Him is found our freedom and deliverance
God smiles when we work together
With people of good will
To create a positive culture
Our prayers and praises will fill
The heavens and earth, the sky and sea
Set the prisoner and the captive free
You are the way maker you are my sustainer
You are my provider in you I am redeemed
You are more than all I have ever dreamed
You are my anchor when the storms rage
You are the author of my every page
There is love enough in God's great heart
There is room enough for all to have a part
Help us grow in love and understanding
And always: keep us in the shelter of your wing

Amen

_

To pit me against these holes of a mind —
a spiralling pit of contemplation; the value of words
Proclaiming to this ruin of yourself —  
calling her mine; this intellect is a field of mines.

And I must warn you,
should the mind veer to the left,
while the heart strays to the right,
It heralds nothing but your own demise.

proclamation of
mind a cage