Three years feels like a long time, until it’s over.
Panic... Panic.. Panic. I call my mother.
Honey, he got out three days ago.
What do you mean?
He’s out.
Panic.
Pa...
My pills.
I take one, two.
I fall asleep, the next day starts.
I wake up and pretend nothing is different.
Three years was a long time, and now it’s over.

Alone. I am alone. They say they understand
They say that we’ve all been through it. Have we?
They couldn’t possibly understand.
Guy after guy, used and abused me.
You’d think everyone would see right through me
But, they can’t.

I built up these walls,
I protected myself, I found something safe.
How safe was too safe, did I make my walls too tall?
I just wanted a place to be safe and make
A space where I was stable so I could take
A look at my life and say

How did I get here.

One, two, three, four,
Stop. Start again.
One, two, three, four,
No. That’s simply impossible.
One. Two. Three. Four.
Four?
One in four women go through this.
At least that’s what they say.
Four men did this to me.
Four men don’t matter.
It only takes one to become another statistic.

In her eyes,
bitterness manifest,
from the throat which is dry,
a sad note of lullaby rest.

you dimmed the lights
closed your eyes
and so did i.

still felt the weight
and all the pain
when you left marks on my thighs.

i just laid there
weren’t you aware
that i didn’t want to die?

though out of sight
out of mind
you heard me cry.

Penny got married young, she idolised her new man  
Penny turned 16, said, I do I do, priest wed them both  
Penny was happy, never complained to anyone, too shy for that  
She crashed a party once, and met a gal named Sally  
They became friends  
And she confided in her  
 
Shared little secrets, lips sealed, shook their little pinkies, never to tell  
Then hubby walked in with curious smile, said you going to stay awhile  
I'm not coming back until sunlight, best thing Penny had heard all night  
‘Cause her new beau, wasn’t all that he seemed  
But only Penny knows so go go go oh no go  
 
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
Feel you hurting beneath, when we cuddle-up  
Fooling some, but mommy sees past that makeup  
 
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
 
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
Feel you hurting beneath, when we cuddle up  
Fooling some, but mommy sees past that makeup  
 
Penny started staying inside, never going past the front gate  
Some friends called saying you ok you ok you ok girlfriend  
Penny searched websites, looking for a way out, deleting history, nobody got suspicious  
While trying to play the good wife, reality started to sink in  
Then she thought  
 
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
Feel you hurting beneath, when we cuddle up  
Fooling some, but mommy sees past that makeup  
 
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
Feel you hurting beneath, when we cuddle up  
Fooling some, but mommy sees past that makeup  
 
And I don't want anyone knowing about the abuse, just in case  
I've covered up since day one, swollen face  
A nightmare, ever since our honeymoon  
Childhood dreams were locked in a cell, but kept them alive and still didn’t tell, even while being slammed unconscious  
It's like my security blanket, it's the reason that I'm alive  
Everyone has childhood dreams, but most will never survive  
They don’t always come true, maybe one out of five, be wise  
Believing Hollywood tabloids, that they are still very much together, all lies  
So go about your ways, put up with the one, that doesn’t love you anymore and continually hurts us and says sorry, again  
Always just after they have, again bruised us  
Forgetting about the pain and coverups that were made  
Thinking it was just a sleeping nightmare, oh no  
 
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
Feel you hurting beneath, when we cuddle up  
Fooling some, but mommy sees past that makeup  
Go now, Go now  
 
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
Penny get away, far away, go, Penny go  
Feel you hurting beneath, when we cuddle up  
Fooling some, but mommy sees past that makeup  
Go now, Go now

I lost myself at age 7.
I crawled into bed and then disappeared.
my childhood behind me—
erased.
set on fire.
all it took was one touch for it all to burn down.
no more trust.
no more love.
no more innocence.
gone.