Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Long drives, chai and that heavy metal song

Days may have been shorter but those nights always felt long

Wonder why these little things

Pinch every moment I live today

With every breath chasing answers

Every prayer cajoling you to still stay

Every day, since you left, feels unreal,

something I refuse to always believe

It shocks me how my mind sets those dark deals

Contemplating your choice to instantly leave

Nights are sleepless, as days pass by

Yet nothing remains other than the regret of those past lies

My heart sinks recalling every memory we shared

Can't even describe how living this life has never made me this scared.

The world without you was still as normal as before

But in my head, it all felt as if I sank just a tad bit more

As I stepped out of those four walls into reality

I left a piece of my broken self among those closed doors

Voices are silenced and memories have faded like sawdust in the air

You've gone to stars, as my fingers tremble to see you there.

That urge to strongly get out of here

never thought it would make me fear

Every word I said repeats constantly inside

As regret fills me up and my will to live dies

Was sort of pain already never enough

You had to teach me this lesson as you rest in the heavens above

Wish I could show you what it felt like

to feel what you've made me feel in this very time

Tarnishing my ability to internally heal

Feeling like I was worth less than a dime

Crying, sobbing, reminiscing isn't abnormal in these stages

Grief is so wholesome, it fades but never ages

Wounds feel as fresh as new as they hit my heart

Rewind is so addictive, can't begin to restart

Dark nights or sunny days

Stormy sights alongside a summery haze

Nothing matches up to such harsh goodbyes

Except me asking a thousand whys

Eventually, I know we'll all find something new to taste,

a new perspective that'll never go to waste,

yet welcoming this novel self that I become,

closes a portion of me that's so tight and numb

Every morning I ask God a million questions

About what may have possibly gone wrong

Agonising this personal invasion

And feeling as if nowhere is where I truly belong

With no answers but teary eyes,

that forcefully shut through these terrible mental bytes,

of familiarity that sticks to you being around,

my new normal is so unbearably drowned

I've been walking on this

never-ending highway to a living human hell,

With a drop of inevitable trauma and

the feeling of frozen body cells

There's a space that remains empty

That possibly can't be refilled

I hope you forgive me gently

As closure defeats the intuitive guilt

The human body has been known to forget

To restart, refresh, retake and reset

But no film matches to the ****** of this one

You were so much more than what can't now be undone

I'm obviously progressing through the present as it may seem,

but that night, that decision, that action still is as if it were a dream,

when the trauma shall surpass, the memories appear,

never had the thought of losing you this year

You're the memory I'll never forget,

those days we spent can't be over just yet,

truth is you ain't here anymore,

you've left too soon and will be missed to the core
Suicide is a really harmful decision. It may leave you in peace but your loved ones remain in pieces.
Larissa Frost Nov 2020
They locked me away
Cause I was crazy
Said I took too many pills.
Somedays I just screamed
And cried
And forgot pay all
The bills
I lost myself trying
To survive on my own
And deal with the
Chatter in my brain
All I could remember
Were the days I tried to dull
The pain.
Angry, shattered and
All alone
I cried on the floor out loud
The day they set me free
was the day
I swore I’d make them proud.

                  -Larissa Frost
It’s the least of my worries
Taxing my car
Or saving up for a house
Or remembering that thing
I was supposed to remember
Or anything really
Or passing that test
Getting into that school
Acing that interview
Getting that job
That pays enough
That allows me to progress
Progress?

I hadn’t even thought about that.
I hadn’t thought about any of it.

I think
about one thing
I obsess
I compulse
Or do I?
Is what I do when I
Think about that thing
I always think about
A compulsion?
Because if it’s not then
Can it be called
OCD?
And if it’s not
That means it’s me
And the thing I always think
About
is true

I know it’s irrational
But what if it’s not?
Maybe it just makes me feel better
To think that it is

See, who has time for rational worries
When you’re so full up with
Irrational one’s?
A poem about my struggles with OCD
Larissa Frost Nov 2020
I’m tired to death
Of time after time
Uttering the words
I’m fine, I’m fine
With a mask on my face
I pretend and cry
I tell them
I’m fine
Though I don’t care
To try.
When inside my heart
Is broken
From all the words
That were never spoken.
I’m fine.

                         -L.Frost
Nikki Oct 2020
I feel as if I have a tainted mind, I reminisce about a false narrative to make me feel in constant pain and disgust from myself. Self loathing has became an art to me, and I can’t prevent the ruminating thoughts. Redundant for years to months to minutes of my mind putting horns on my head and saying I’m pure sin. My skin painted red. My eyes are black. I demonize and reflect then demonize again because I have blamed everything that has happened in my life on myself. My heart cries for me to stop but my mind has drawn to the conclusion that it must be this way, it is this way. It feels selfish of me to be around others because they can smell the self loathing lingering around my body. I don’t know if I try not to hate myself or if I ignore myself so I don’t have to come face to face of who I’ve become and what I’m not.
Idk how to write poetry
Amber K Sep 2020
If someone would've told me last year,
that I'd be where I am now,
and that this year would change my life forever,
I probably wouldn't have believed you.

And I know what you're probably thinking.
"This whole virus has changed everyone".
But that's not what I'm talking about.
I was a germaphobe and anti social before the pandemic.

What changed my life was the loss of two friends.
They were 22 and 23.
One took his life on March 16th.
The other took his life on June 1st but passed away on the 2nd.

Both went the same way,
but knew nothing about the other.
Both shared in the same struggled,
but had no idea that someone else who understood was out there.

After their deaths,
I realized my life was forever changed.
The word suicide broke my heart anytime I heard it,
and it just brought back the pain of what I wasn't able to prevent.

I take depression more seriously now.
I've started asking people if they are okay,
to the point that it's probably annoying.
But I can't help it.

I've started wanting to just help others.
I think every day that if I could just save one person,
my life would be complete.
I just want to help someone.

I think about who I was a year ago,
and how she had no idea what would happen,
to the boy she met in middle school,
or the guy she had just become friends with.

I think about how innocent she was,
to not know this pain.
How lucky she was,
to not have this hole in her chest.

But I also think of how blind she was,
to the way others felt.
And how I will never be blind like her,
ever again.
If you are thinking of taking your own life or hurting yourself in any way, please stop and ask SOMEONE for help. I don't know you, but I love you and I want you to know that you matter. After losing my friends, I realized how much hurt comes after a suicide. When someone who is hurting takes their own life, the pain doesn't go away. It just gets passed on to everyone who ever loved them. Please... I beg you.. don't leave this world. Keep breathing. If I could go back in time and tell my friends any thing I would tell them they are loved and I'd beg them to stay alive. But I can't... so I watch their families struggle with the pain they left behind...I can't imagine what they feel, because I know just as a friend the pain is so unbearable some days. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And although I'm hopeful that my new found pain can help someone who is struggling, I'd do anything to get my friends back. To see their smiles again. To hear their dumb jokes and goofy laughs. I just want them back on this earth.
Ellie Sutton Jul 2020
This is a nice walk.
Good job I've gone
Out and about
I ate way too much today
I need to burn that off
Christ, my belly looks huge!
OK, breathe in, breathe in
I wonder what I'll have
For tea tonight
It'd better be something light
I had a bar of chocolate last night
I wonder how many calories
I've left for the day
What do My Fitness Pal say?
600. That's okay
BUT
It would be better
To have less
I'm at a party this weekend
So I'll probably eat and drink
More than I should
I could just skip tea altogether?
Wow, my thighs really rub together
That's disgusting
Yeah, I probably should
(I definitely shouldn't wear shorts)
I wonder what I'll do tonight
Maybe go for a run?
I'm tired from last night's, but
I'll be happier once it's done
I look disgusting
In everything right now
Maybe it'll help me be
A little trimmer for that party?
Oh God, that person's looking at me
I bet they're judging
My double chin
OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO BREATHE IN.
For God's sake
Why can't I just be thin?
There are too many people about
I should have waited
'til it was dark
My flab is less stark
Less to remark on
If people can't see properly
It's OK, nearly home now

...That was a nice walk.
Maisie Jul 2020
Let’s start simple
Say you’ve got that one annoying pimple
And all you can hear are the voices muttering in your ears
Telling you that your skin should be clear
Go to school, feel the eyes in the back of your head
Knowing that they’re all judging you for not doing your hair when you got out of bed
But the fact was you didn’t sleep
To busy trying not to weep
From your not beautiful complexion
When everyone else’s is perfection
Go home from school, feeling a miserable freak
Think that your a fat pig and don’t stop to eat
Don’t socialize with anyone and go to bed
Trying to ignore those voices in your head
But they mutter on
Try harder
Eat less
Get smarter
Wear a dress
Don’t show so much
You’re too dressed up
Skip lunch
Fix your make-up
Until you want to scream
And go to bed crying in the hope that this was all a bad dream
This is anxiety
And all anxious people rarely think, ‘Why me?’

You wake up next morning and your anxiety is gone
You don’t really care whether you belong
You don’t really understand your purpose in life
Then more voices return to stab your brain like a knife
Until they find the joyful thoughts and drag them out
Destroying them and ripping them until the bad side spouts
They rearrange your brain until you can’t find the joy in life anymore
And you go to school knowing that people won’t be any better than the day before
Meet up with your friends , mention that you think something is up
They don’t like you anymore they’re too busy helping a friend who claims to be depressed from a break-up
She tells you you’re lying, that you’re making a scene
You are mad but you don’t have the energy to scream
So you go straight to the sadness and wander away
Not knowing what could be any better than that that day
A nice guy, smart, notices you’re sad
And starts to talk to you, he obviously feels bad
But you shrug him off, you don’t need friends today
He seems disappointed, sad as he walks away
You go home and lie on your bed
Allowing those voices to mutter in your head
Really?
Who would want to be friends with an evil person?
Hah! You thought we were anxiety?
Remember we’ll make you life worsen
Oh and that time you decided to steal a biscuit
From mummy’s special jar
She knows that you ate it
No, we don’t care how you feel or are!
They mutter on and become a cruel lullaby
Since you can’t sleep you begin to cry
This is depression
It is a march of voices drowning out ‘Why me?’, one long procession

You wake up in a different bed
With no voices running round in your head
Just memories of one sad time
Of that traumatic crash where your parents were killed during crime
A seemingly nice woman walks in
Heads over to the corner and empties out the bin
You remember who she is, a nurse, the quiet kind
She has a calm, non-stressful state of mind
But you close your eyes all the same
And run through the crash like it was a cruel game
You eat your breakfast in your new foster home
Around a table shaped like a dome
Head to school, and people don’t know
When you want to speak all they say is no
They offer you a trip in car
And even though you know it’s not far
You feel as if you must go
But as you see another car pull in front you start screaming and shouting ‘NO!’
Turns out that home wasn’t a home at all
It was an asylum you’ve been in since your parent's fall
The voices are replaced with memories of death
Which show that you parents were within a hair’s breadth
A screech
A scream
Blood all over
Your ice-cream
A vision of black
An you know you won’t ever get your parents back
PTSD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder people cry at night, ‘Why me?’

You wake up again, your parents asking you if you are ok
And you realize it may have just been a dream yesterday
You giggle and say ‘Yeah I’m great’
No memories, no voices, no need to debate
They hug you and laugh and pick you up
This isn’t like them, they never like to look after you, to check-up
You look around and see lots of paintings
And then you remember your talent and that you painted those things
Your mum presents you with toast and soldiers
And suddenly you realize that you are much older
You sigh and say ‘Mum I don’t need this, cereal please?’
Your mother says ‘No sweetie, eat these’
You head upstairs and ask ‘Where’s my phone?’
Your dad sighs ‘Darling you don’t need it, you are home.’
You feel your emotions muddle together, you don’t know what to feel
You shouldn’t be angry, they gave you a lovely meal
But it’s not fair, where are your school clothes?
You feel fear mix with anger, happiness and joy disposed
You look around and your eyes widen
‘Where am I, who are you, tell me who I was born from, and when!?’
They fill you on at all but everything feels fake
You feel your mind and our body begin to shake
You allow your voice to reach a screeching note
And feel as if it’s pulling you up to float
You scream, you voice no echo now
Your parents grab and pull you down
You cry and thrash, not happy anymore
And kick your mother’s face into the floor
You throw a vase at a painting of a willow
And you are still screaming as your head hits the pillow
Autism
The world looks too much like a ‘Why me?’ prison

You wake up in your bed
Memories now voices circling your head
You close your eyes and the voices cry ‘TIDY!’
You open them again to see the mess that’s your room and you begin to scream
You run to your wardrobe and sort your clothes till you can’t sort them anymore
You pick up the school books scattered on the floor
Pack your bag and leave the house
Saying goodbye to your mum as quiet as a mouse
You arrive at school at enter your class
And trace your finger perfectly with the raindrops on the window glass
The teacher hands out pencils in an unacceptable order
An on the board creates a dizzying misshapen border
You get up stomp over to her desk
The voices telling the true you to ‘Take a rest’
They fix border with in a snap
And fix the teacher with a vicious slap
You cannot control yourself, you listened to well
You begin to fight back as you hear the firebell
Smoke fills the room as students hurry out
Nobody remembers that you were even about
You fall to the floor, your lungs with no air
And you know right then that you’ll die right here
The voices scream under your table ‘Get at a right angle!’
You turn as they say ‘Fix your bangle!’
By now you are curled up in a ball
As firemen come in and you can't cry out as you begin to fall
Out of consciousness into death
And you are able to sigh ‘help…’ as you take your last breath
You could’ve survived if it wasn’t for those voices
Who towered over all other choices
OCD
The people who can’t control their ‘Why me?’


Why them, why not you?
Isn’t there something you could do?
Well yes, there is
Maybe read through an information page, take a quiz
Maybe do something useful with your wealth
Send some off to a charity helping those with issues with their mental health
But maybe, perhaps most of all
Provide some sort of cushioning for those who might fall
By becoming their friend, laugh at their jokes
Perhaps take them out to buy a couple cokes
Don’t bully them, it’s not always their fault
Sometimes it’s your fault that they don’t become an adult
Don’t fake that you have their pain
You'll never know if you might see them again
I don’t think i have to say anymore
Just call 03444775774
This is a poem about the truth behind mental illnesses. This is for a poetry festival at my school, enjoy!
Next page