My ******
A black hole
******* in
My body
Each month
Nonsense
Painful agony
Undeserved and pointless
Mental and physical
Punishment for women

Vague,
the expression of response
in a relentless jade,
conjuring up primevals
risen from her house arrest.
She lives through the days of tension
by her own fortitude,
clutching to her privacy
as if a means of escape
to which she can be locked within.
Mendacious moments,
walking towards a primrose path,
allude her to try and smile.
But she knows she need not pretend,
for just as her hair falls casually
over her face,
she winces her pain
into a controlled tremble.
Proposed to glide under
freshly minted skies,
in words filled with undertone
and in serenades
softly played by calendar
chimes.

Inside my underwear I thought
A red flower had fluttered in,
And stuck itself there like sap.

Inside my underwear I thought
I had spilt a spoon of strawberry jam,
It felt so sticky on my fingers.

Inside my underwear I thought
A crimson blob of sea anemone
Had swum on out of me globosely.

Turns out it was only blood,
Only blood, only blood
I wasn’t even frightened
Even when it started hurting
I’ve always found it pretty
Growing pools of tulips
Inside my underwear.

You first showed up when I was ten.
I knew who you were but I didn’t want to know you.
I’d read about you in books. Forbidden books.  
How could I explain to my mother that I already knew your name?
I expected you later and I hated you already.

You provided me with the key to a secret club
A place of shame and disgrace.
I wasn’t allowed to talk about you.
A pact of silence between members

Mother said you might make me feel unwell
That was an understatement.
Iron spikes drove through my insides
Steel bars wrapped around me
Spears ****** down my legs.
All I knew was pain
A white-hot, blank-space hurt filling every crevice of my body.

Do you remember that time on the climbing frame with friends?  
I should have been a carefree child but I was dragging a heavy, aching body across the bars.
Or that time I collapsed at school
Head down on the desk, my body could give no more
The school nurse accusing me of faking it.  Telling me you weren’t that bad.  A good friend, really.

Or how about the time you showed up at work.
Made your presence known to everyone
It was described as careless destruction of corporate property
Leaving me humiliated, wages docked to pay for the chair you destroyed.
My inability to control you, a professional failure.
And the other club members offered no sympathy.

You were my constant companion of misery
I didn’t dare attend that party, go on that trip, take that promotion…
You were always waiting around a corner.
And so I withdrew
It became just you and I.  As you wanted.
Defeated. You had won.

Twenty-two years, I suffered in your grip
Twenty-two years of screaming into pillows; body and mind dissolving into agony
But I found a way back.
Suppressed you with chemicals.  I finally discovered me without you.
The person I was supposed to be.

Ten years I have lived without you
Ten years of rebuilding my life, relationships and career.  
I never realised how much control you had
Until that time that I was free.  I emerged.
From a sea of despair. Head now above the deep darkness
I can breathe.

I bleed as not in pain or anguish
Nature reminds me of the beautiful crimson within me
My body celebrate in its own way
The crimson flow burst in its fullness rich in colour
Embrace the moment with joy, I am anxious,
Flows between my thighs, warm and thick,
I bleed a beautiful flow

Piercing glances shame me
Disgust is the flow that defines me,
Fear and Silence draw into the depth of a dark cloud
Rejection drowns the beauty in my flow
Joy and worth is ****** with each drop
My voice is silenced by my helper
I bleed a beautiful flow

Golden yet crimson is my flow
Anxiety unravel the shame  within me
Hideaway from my helpers just for a while
The flows leave traces of its existence on
Drenched in the cloths that cover me
The ground  I sit tells the world my misery
The crimson brighten only the ground I sit
Only darkness will hide my shame
I bleed a beautiful flow

I crawl away to my own dark place  
There dignity is nothing but a dream
A cloth to drain the flow is all I desire
My hope is on my helper but no,
They withhold their helping hand
I am drowning silence unable to speak yet,
I bleed a beautiful flow.

I yearn to plead with my helper for a moment
To lament my desire to hide my shame in a cloth
They throw a dark cloud over me, I am a disgrace
I am silenced even by my own kind
They too who have been pulled into a dark hole of silence
Their hope is far Gone with the Wind
Buried in the voices of those who claim to own my kind
My thoughts wander in misery and grief
As one lost in an unknown world,
I bleed a beautiful flow.


A voice from within calls out to me
It reminds me of the strength embedded in my kind
A gentle whisper tells me to celebrate my flow
I must rise and say the first words although fear grips me
I rise like a tide and fight for my own kind
I speak although silence is expected of me
I must fight for my beautiful flow
I bleed a beautiful flow

‪Oh Eve!‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬
Oh Eve!
Thou embraced gluttony
And gave us agony

Oh Eve!
Oh Eve!
You Rest In Peace
While red, we release

Oh Eve!
Oh Eve!
Thou touched the tree
Now we are only 26 days free

Oh Eve!
Oh Eve!
I detest your creation
Whenever I see *******

Oh Eve!
Oh Eve!
Pray heavens gates are closed
If I behold you, I won’t be composed

Oh Eve!
Oh Eve!
You let women Down
But you bestowed unto us a crown