i am too aware of my own image to be who i am.


i dont know who i am


i shaved my beard off the other day.
ive never made a bigger mistake.
i look like a child.
i am a child.
i never want to look like a child.

my neck looks bigger
my face appears to be melting.
i guess thats what
was under all the wool.

i dont have the ***** to live like bukowski
and if i did
i wouldnt be bukowski anyway.

ill be honest in saying
i dont know anything
and the things i have learned
came at the expense
of something i thought i knew.
theres a knife in my stomach
two right hands around the grip
two lefts pointing blame at one another

I'm ice

I melt in the face

of catastrophe

I melt in the polar

of calamity

of treasures I hide

chastity *****

by avarice

in a warming globe

I'm ice

the suffering ice.

You spoke,
and my soul spilled
all over the floor.

Inside this shell
I will no longer see
The sun wrapping the fading moon
Indomitably defying the wolf's groom
Slowly kissing the ***** on the high
Til its glory & brilliance burst in the sky

Inside this shell
I will no longer hear
The descant of the birds
Sitting on the shivering trees
Whether they're happy or sober
Doesn't matter which sounds better


Inside this shell
I will no longer see
How the mist of the morning dew
Gives breath to the flower anew
After the Night showered tears upon
Beautiful crystals on the lawn it has become

inside this shell

I choose to be alone
Because i am not that strong
That people thought me I am
And the agony can stay until I say
Even if the pain goes thru my vein

I am tired to prove myself
So I'd just hide inside this shell
And I'd live the life I want
And not what others tell
As I am drained in  complete exhaustion
Living someone else' expectations

I have helped others like a candle
My flame lighted their way
But while their path is getting bright
Mine is becoming dark
And slowly my light is fading
The white candle is now melting...

In a place where even time doesn’t exist.
Every little thing has stopped it’s motion
Memories once ignored, now reminisced.
Waves of the past become a stilled ocean.
This realm frozen in time making me crave;
Crave reality so desperately.
When is it time to be placed in my grave?
Was it only just temporarily?Time slips away, I have become insane.
Forever stuck in a deserted dream,
Trapped and held hostage just to entertain.
I hear a shrilling, ear deafening scream,
Wake up! Realize time is melting away,
Sleepless time? Oh timeless sleep here I’ll stay.