As often is the case…the “word” that beckoned came at dawn,
and, as the slave this made of me…I rose to heed its call.
The early morn intruder that aroused me from my sleep
was begging for appeasement from the room just down the hall.

Self rebuked and chastised for the many times I’d lain
and disregarded - recklessly - the little voice I’d heard,
I stumbled down the hallway, and I slid into my chair,
then cracked my knuckles wide awake, and pounded out the word.

The uninvited word…that found its way into my head.
The alphabetic prowler who’d intruded on my dream.
The tiny bunch of letters that would disrespect my sleep,
and join - without permission - my creative writing team.

Ordinary? Yes! But tiny universes dwell
in certain words and phrases we all use from day to day.
And…as a poet…I’m inclined to meld these little bits
to cast the clear and simple “desperate truths” I mean to say.

Every language has them. They are common…and routine.
They’re easy to pronounce…and understood by one and all.     
And I will always ply my trade in verse with “simple terms,”
to forge my gems of wisdom, in the room just down the hall.

Here’s a common story in the world of would-be writers.
There’s not a thing about this tale that…sadly…isn’t true.
Your manuscript is finally done, you’ve proofed it several times, and, after waiting several months, your editor is through.

You try to represent yourself to publishers you feel
are sure to love your work - based on their advertising claims -
Only to discover that they’ll only take submissions
from writers who have agents…or already famous names!

The mem’ry this evokes in me is terribly parallel.
So clearly I still see the fleeting figure that I chased
That Sunday afternoon we gathered, as we often did,
to play our favorite football game: “Two-hands-below-the-waist.”

Only nine showed up that day (we almost played with eight),
but brother, Marty, called a friend, and so, we had our ten.
We became concerned when Marty pointed at the end zone
and told the guy, “If we can get the ball to there…we win,

“But…if somebody touches you - two-hands-below-the-waist -
you have to stop…the ‘play’ is done…and then you start again.
In 4 attempts we need to move the ball down - 2 white lines -
to get another 4 attempts…it’s called a ‘first and ten.’ ”

Everybody realized this guy had never played,
but Marty’s team would get him…after all…he’d called the guy.
They could only hope he’d do the things they told him to,
and probably felt that…if they lost…he’d be the reason why.

I remember, vividly, quite early in the game
(it couldn’t have been ten minutes since the playing had begun),
They sent him down the field about ten yards to catch a pass.
He actually caught it pretty clean…and then began to run.

We’d fin’ly lost possession only ten yards from their end zone,
so…consequently… Marty’s guy had ninety yards to go.                  
I thought I had him cornered when I went to make the tag,
and how he got away from me - I swear I’ll never know!

But “get away” he did…so there I was, in hot pursuit.
And, as it was expected, I was quickly closing ground.
After all…my room at home had trophies wall to wall,
and most of them for track...I was the fastest guy around.

But as I tried my best to close the gap on Marty’s buddy
(and I was running very hard - I thought my lungs would bust),
Just as I was getting close…he shifted into high…
and even at my strongest pace…he left me in the dust!

A very average looking chap…he didn’t seem the type…
yet, there he was…the fastest guy that we had ever seen.
The makings of a super star, yet no one knew his name
before the day he blew our minds…and that is what I mean

When I proclaim the foolishness of closing ears and eyes
to anyone because you simply…do not know their name.
Those you’ve never heard of might contribute something special, and I assert - it’s often wise to…let them in the game.

One hand over the blade, another over the face
Breath in deeply and take a swing
Ignore the screaming, feel nothing
For he is smiling
For what you are sacrificing

So take a drink, have a sip
Pay no mind to what drips
Your mind has gotten dark
Your soul brands his mark
Hold your tongue and tell no secrets
For ignorance is bliss
Here in the apocalypse.

When love grows cold, we buy and sell
For we rather ******* than despair
—the fighting spirit empowering the Beast—
But love waits, in pain, crying silently unseen
No exchange without the mark of the Beast
Driving to desperation and worship
Those who live by their wits and arms
COVID19 will expose who these are

I can’t help but be a child of Cain
My hands too ****** to be holy
Too stained to be washed clean

I was once told that we are our own thoughts and actions
So does that make me a ****** for being a bad person?
Is that all I’ll ever be?

The sin is strong in me
It’s the sin of not getting better
Of continuing the hurt
Past down, man upon man, wife upon husband, parent upon child, stranger upon stranger
Blood you keep coughing back up
That won’t leave your body

We touch so many people in our lives
But how many do we scar?
It’s human nature to both love and to maul
Especially on those close to us
Especially when we aren’t aware we’re even doing it

Now, I don’t believe in God
This poem isn’t religious in the slightest
But if I met him I would ask
Is Hell the last destination?
Can we ever get better?
Can our hands learn to be tender and to hold instead of trying to choke one another?
Is there still salvation for us, for people like me?

I don’t know what his answer would be
And I don’t think I’d want to find out

This must be destiny

I hear echoes of warnings from my former self ricocheting in my head

This must be deserved for the plethora of ways I have hurt people

To mark me with pain I will remember and maybe be a better person

This must be fate
There was no other way out

I still hope things will improve but I think this suffering was intended and therefore my punishment must be served