His name, his name has been written inside of me as if my body was paper
It's as if each letter has been carved on my naked heart (and I can't escape it)
And it hurts painfully, my eyes are getting wetter
And I can't face this weather
(tear drop rain and love heart clouds).

And his little stabbing words haunt me like
the ghosts of future memories
(The ones that will never take place)
They sing stupid stick lullabies
where the sounds of your voice feels like
something I will learn to miss.  

Due to the sight of him, he makes me casually swim in His Ocean
I would cry for his affections
I would cry and cry until Our Oceans become
One
And every thought would be his and would be mine too.


Having a crush is like being in the Summer Rain.........  




(Being (or thinking you are) madly in love with someone is normal, it creates madness, but just be aware of it, because love that you desire awaits you, you just need to be patience) Being patience is a virtue.

And they say there's nothing beautiful about bones
But all I see when I feel them appear more and more is pearls
I proudly parade along the pavement with veins and collarbones poking out like a sinful trophy
They are the jewels on my crown
The jewels I had to pick up from the ***** roads I crossed
Instead of making me heavier they let me hover through the sky
I can feel the storm in my head when the last bit of sugar leaves my body
Clouds appear when I stand up
Still looking for my throne I trow the last bit of nutriment aside and there it is. The end of the road shows me the thrown I've been waiting for. I've lost my body, but gained the pride in my head back knowing I can fight my natural desire to eat

Anhedonia takes me under her wings,
With the softness of a feather she strikes against my forehead and takes out all the joy.
She smiles at me with crooked teeth and tells me it's alright to die.
Anhedonia forces her hands into my chest and rips my heart out so I can't feel the rhythm of my passion anymore
Then she puts me on her lap and starts to rock me back and forth, like I'm a little child. She tells me it's okay to feel the emptiness. She leans in and kisses me on the lips, ******* out the last bit of energy in my vessels and soul. She picks me up and gently lays my body down. She pushes her thin fingers on my eyelids to shut them as if she wants me to sleep. Yet she whispers nightmares in my head. Anhedonia took control of me, and I can't find a way out.

Sadness turns
A
Depression, when
Madness feeds from
A sorrowful
Desire.

I'm thinking as if I'm sinking, with my head deep down under the water surface.
Choking in the coldness of my thoughts.
I got used to the negative voices after a while, scraping down the surface of my brain like sand on skin. My eyes are closing because of the unpleasant pinch the whispers bring.
It works like salt, tiny crystals blinding my eyes for what's real.
I can hear the people screaming from above. They want to save me.
I just lay there in my thoughts, hoping for a wave to make the final decision, or a rock to give me final hope. It's hard to see with salt in your eyes.
It's even harder when you're the one causing the blindness yourself.

What don't I understand, little girl?
I've seen so much of the world
The pain is temporary, like the youth you used to have
What don't I see, my little girl?
I've heard so much about the world
The sorrow will disappear like the sun dissappears for the moon
What don't I feel, my precious child
I've been here for a while
I know you feel like feeling nothing
But that's how society makes us something
I know I won't be able to show
But eventually these feelings will go

He said to the gravestone

One Winter's day the pain will fade
and letting go of you won't be so hard  
so I spend most of my time paining over scars
and bleeding hearts
and trying to live for the art.  
I drown in the sight of you
there's no way to look at you
different shades of blue covers the inside of me
with cold smoke particles glued – (to me)
producing what seems to be an endless sea of clear dew.    
As the snow falls to the ground
white nothingness fill my eyes
and all the window have been opened, and everything falls upside down.
The dying little flowers sprouting out of the snow has been placed in a place I use to call the sky
It's not too warm or too cold I need close my mind even if it’s for a little while.  
You You You You running through my empty head
No words or songs or judgements or thoughts just -You
I need to tip a whole tin of paint over me

Because me and you are through.