I’m sorry for what lies ahead
You may wish you were dead
It’s a scary time to be alive
When its your turn to drive
But try not to forget
Those things you think you’ll regret
They’ll be stories for the old
Stories deserving to be told
In all of the madness,
Only you have the access
To find the shining moments
The hard to find bonus
That makes the hard days worthy
Of all the sadness and worry
So make this time your own
Before you get all grown

Her tears hit the ground more often than her feet
It hurts to know that it's my fault
She broke down because of me
Her smile is something I have to keep in my memory, because I haven't seen it in a while
She doesn't trust me anymore
That's the worst part
She doesn't trust her own child
I did so many ****** up things
She was the one who found me when I tried to **** myself
Something snapped
It's my fault

I am in so much pain
I need somebody to **** me
I've tried and failed many times
They took my pills and noose away
I'm hurting so bad
Help me
Help me
I can't bare it any longer
It feels like I'm being torn apart from the inside out
I can't help it
**** me please
I need to rest
I just need a moment without the mental pain
It never stops it really never stops and I can't bare it anymore I can't live like this any longer
Help me
The demons are too big
They are killing me inside
They don't see how sick I am
They never see it
They trust me to be alone but I can't be alone because I will end my suffering on my own
I need to stop this pain
It's killing me
Help
Caer Caer Caer Caer
Help me it's killing me
I feel so alone
I am so alone right now I can't feel like this any longer
**** me please
Please please please end my suffering
Before it's too late and they take the full control

I smell like the cigarette that I put out on my skin
The sting's still there
It turned to a bright red spot before it went black
I smell like the **** that I smoked
I need it to keep the voices quiet
It turns my thoughts into clouds and my mood into water
I smell like the liquor I drank
I need it to feel alive
I need it to feel like I am somebody
I smell like the blood seeping out of my fresh cuts
I need it to stay calm
Without it I would lose myself in the eye of a noose
Why do I need all these things to make me feel like I am somebody? Without them I turn into my biggest demons and I can't face myself for a second being like that. Why can't I just be like everyone else and find pleasure instead of escape in atleast 3 of these things. Why can't I stop being me?

No I'm not okay. I feel depressed, have anxiety. I fear rejection and commitment at the same time. I want to tell someone before it's too late, but I don't want to hurt you. I need someone to hug me and tell me it's all gonna be okay. I want to tell everything I've been through. But what if I tell and you reject me? What if you leave me? I can't go through that another time.

I had you first
Heart soul and mind
Grown up, not apart by time
So alike, so unchanged
Through different environments, in a different stage
Now they have you, thoughts and body
Weeding away our time though unsteady
So many wishes, so many prayers to one not there, answered suddenly but incompletely
Now I have you soul mind and body
Your heart is away, on vacation these days

Now I again begin to pray, to beg one not there
May I have you?
Again the way you once were?
All mine finally for once
Uninjured, unbroken
Loved and loving but mostly; loving me?

God please!
You know me better than I know myself!
For years and years of my feelings bottled on a shelf
Resigning myself to a secret love ocassionally crashing from above, to break my heart all over again
I never minded it then...

But to have you and have you ripped away
Every night, every day
I will never be ok
The jar is unscrewed and feeling renewed courses through my chilled veins
To remember your gentle callused hands
To remember your words to me when secrets spilled and my tears would repeat
I would give anything for you to stay
Even a day or two of having you Completely having you, is worth more than lifetimes having the next best thing

Days from now we look back and find we left a clue to

now

this moment
you meet me now and

we agree
something shall change if we

agree

to see this all-self-ish-ness from your

God POV,
which you imagined as good as any you

imagined
as you aged from I to we.