My mother said they say the dead are blessed
but i don't think so,

i wake to my dream's afterimage overlaying
the ceiling;i stay laid in place
envisioning myself
gorged in holy water, purging away any memory
hitherto

but that's just not the way it goes;
Sat here as the vinyl needle scratches the same
  scabs,as a tired revolver—

leaks **** of sound,thick repitidous clouds which
  lead to nowhere and nothing—

a bored, ambient crackle,

  
In the poetic spirit, it reeks of home
  but reminds me I am I, alone

And in the conversing-sense
  it gives me a ******* migraine,

it was one of W—’s favourites
when it's tune was still entact

But alas, it is what it is, outside is a world
i've grown too sore to mingle in
(dare i say a multiform delirium where
  it's both too typical and too unpredictable
((daren't i blame another reason?)))
Regardless,i'll stay inside another day
  
and skim and retrace the life that brought us here
   to **** the time.


If nothing else.

Everything is fine I tell myself
Everything is fine
I take the blade and put it against my skin
I don't even want to do it anymore
Everyone will be disappointed
Everything is fine
Everything is fine
I tell myself as blood seeps out of my fresh cuts
Everything is ******* fine
I can't find my breath
I can't breathe
Everything is fine
I push harder and the blade hides itself in my skin
I stop and look at the damage I have  done
Warm red and cold water blend in as I'm leaning over the lake
Everything is fine

I lost weight again
Eating is getting harder and harder
I can't remember the last time I was hungry nor full
I want to stop eating completely
That's what my unhealthy side says
I want to stop eating and lose all the weight I put on in the hospital
I want my bones to show and I want to feel the way I did when I was skinny
This urge came suddenly
I don't know why or what to do about it
I want to be skinny again and there's no holding back this time

I stepped out into the air and pulled the ground up really fast
I fished for concrete
And happiness filled me when the rough stone hit my bones
I laughed like I had fishhooks in the corners of my mouth
Almost , almost but not really
I'm happy I found the concrete under my face, life popped the gun and I ran the race
Now I'm tired and done trying
I can see how small every single one of us is
How do we have the audacity to call ourselves big?
Is this the world we wanna text in?
Right cause thats all we do
I'm glad that I found the concrete
I'm glad I stepped out into the air and pulled the ground up really fast

Your silence
Drives me crazy,
Yet everything drives me crazy,
You are just one
Of everyday things.
Like the song that is in my head
Since this morning,
Over and over
Again.
I hate it, I hate you.
Your silence deafening my ideas
Making despair seem real.
I’ve learned to live with madness
In and out,
Love and hate,
Cats and dogs.
Madness of silence,
It doesn’t let me sleep;
The loud noise
Of my mind
Burning in flames of oblivion,
Indifference.
If you go quiet, I can’t hear myself
I don’t perceive,
Nor do I breathe,
I only hope hopelessly
For the silence
Of your voice
To end.