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Floor Jul 2019
There's so much pain
I hate myself so much
And everyone I allow to be in my life will be poisoned by me
I try to protect them
But how can I do that while I'm the one they should be running from
All I cause is pain
There's so much pain
I hate myself so ******* much
I wish people knew how bad it really is
Because I put on a smile and they all think I'm fine
It's like screaming and no one can hear
I'm drowning
I'm what's wrong and there's nothing I can do about it
If I'm not hurting myself I'm hurting everyone around me
How can I solve this without ending my life?
I can't take this any longer
My lungs are filled to the brim
I can't breathe
I just need the pain to be gone
I am the pain
What do I have to change inside to survive, who do I have to become?
I've had enough
There's so much pain
I can't take the loneliness any longer
The isolation I gave myself
I hate myself so much
I need to be gone
I need to be gone
Help me please
I can't take it any more
I can't breathe
I can't ******* breathe
Floor Jul 2019
I can feel myself fading away
I've never been something special
But it's like I'm turning grey while the whole world is full of color
It's like I'm being pushed off
It's weird to explain
But I just feel like I am nothing
Like I can dissappear in a second and no one will notice
I want to end it myself before life does it for me
I'm so scared of living
The few years I had on this earth were **** to say the least
I'm nothing special
I'm nothing
max Jul 2019
trapped in the cage of my brain
storage center in my mind
the is no exit, no windows
not even a door.
i am left to claw my way out
helloits3am lolllllll
Floor Jul 2019
'You're not good enough!' he said while he placed his hands around my neck
'you'll never be!'
I cried, he lied, I almost died that day
Full of bruises I walked home
Smiled to my parents and told them I fell off my bike the day before that
They believed it, they still think that's the truth
'You *****, never talk to another boy again or I'll **** you! ' he said while he slapped his hand against my cheek
I reacted mild, he got wild, I still was a child that day
Full of red marks I walked home
Smiled to my parents and told them I got in a playful fight with a friend
They believed it, they still think it's the truth
And this went on for a few months
I finally found the strength to get out
But it haunts me every day
Floor Jul 2019
Her parents are drowning in heroine
While she is taking the Ritalin
To calm her mind from all the stress
Because her parents made a mess
So she takes the pills one by one
Until the bottle is completely gone
And closes her eyes one last time
And looks at it as her parents crime
Now she is in a different place
Somewhere between time and space
Her parents are drowning in sadness and hate
While she is walking to heaven's gate
Something I wrote while traveling the other day.
Floor Jul 2019
The urge is getting in my head again
I want to take away the pain
I am the pain
My life is pain
I want to take my life
The voices are getting bad again, the depression is taking over
The urge is bigger and stronger than ever
I'm so ******* scared
I want to let people close to me
I want to tell them
I want it, but the memories and flashbacks are holding me pinned against the floor
I can't tell them
I have to do this alone
I'm not brave enough to keep this fight going
I'm done
Tensei Jul 2019
My father dropped his careless seed where my mother wished she'd bleed.

You created what I breathe when your lungs began to heave.

I forgot what life unfurls when I heard your whirling purr.

I unveiled your place of birth when my gaze derailed from Earth.

In the stream above the hills, dreams the gleam your lifeblood spills.

Counting decades down your braids, I invade your rounded jades with a gaze you've made cascade.

How you drown my sunken tortures with a frown of drunken fortune.

My lies die between your thighs, in the sighs that close my eyes.

The violins of silver inns shiver hymns of our sins.

The privateers on piers of tears cheer our fear of nearing years.

You imprisoned all my seasons with a year of untold reasons.
__________           ____

We were forged where angels gorge to be carved where devils starve.

Why'd you dose your prose morose to the bard who tarred your shards?

From divisions of your lips, I've received incision's kiss.

With ardent hips of fervent current, the errant serpent grips her servant.

All I brought was thought for naught when your rot became outwrought.

From the pond where I abscond, I watched the botching of our bond.

Every breath deployed to drown when you left devoid of frowns.

For the throne of humming bones, I've condoned becoming yours.

I am sworn to mourn and scorn every thorn that had us torn.

I have claimed the maiming blame for games of shame that gave us names.

All my zest, betrayed and rotten, in a chest remains forgotten.

We transcend repentant lows to embrace resplendent woes.

In the pool that holds your tears, drools the fool who stole my years.
__________           _____

The violins of her violence weaved the bindings of my silence.

I forgave her what she lacked with the fervor of my ax.

She used to have me broken hoping till I split her forehead open.

I forgot to leave her soul where her torso's open cold.

Now she blends my lips serene with the hands I've cut off clean.

The refrains of all my poems, now engraved on bullets chrome, in her skull remain alone.

Derelict, her tongue disdains, with my lick on her remains.

I resent the way her scent invents consent to my lament.

My mouth consumes the fumes she tombs to spout the dooms that loom unwombed.

I've divorced the nasal morse forced to course from out her corpse.

Now the tree that held our names roots around her welded grave.

On the hill where we once kissed, she now sleeps beneath the mist.

Even now she laughs at me, with her shafts forever sealed.

Dark and darker, her darkened barker, marks her tomb a layer harder.
__________           ______

My bride rides the tired tide, where our breaths by death divide.

She enjoys the rhymes I ferry from our time to where she's buried.

I have drained all waters spent where her face could not reflect.

I still hide my drying cry where our prides would once collide.

I demand her lifeless hands to once again caress my tan.

I've repieced her fleeting fleece of the fleas that tease my peace.

Like a dog, I found my god, in the fog where she once trod.

I begin where grins of skin create the sins she used to sing.

I've become the barren baron
of a fortress with no forces
leading my stampeding legions
to find their feet in my defeat.
This is not a poem.

It is a diary.

A little story project of mine, in which the parts are separated by the straight lines.

The story is told through individual entries about her in his journal - individual thoughts describing a certain stage of the man's descent into madness.
Floor Jul 2019
' You are the reason why my marriage isn't working' - dad

'you are worthless' - mom

'do something with your life, you look stupid doing nothing and being depressed all day' - mom

'you aren't depressed, you are just going though a phase' - dad

'You tear me apart' - mom

'you are egoistic, trying to **** yourself' - dad

'it's your own fault, just eat' - mom

'JUST STOP BEING YOU' - mom

'I don't trust you' - mom

'I love you' - mom & dad
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