Did you know?
It ***** to have a friend like you
Did you know?
Those texts that you sent
Though seems innocently sweet
Hurt me more than you'll ever know.

But the real question I must face...
Will you care?

It was, it is, and it will always be about loyalty.
Hate to put so much time, emotions, and energy into people who are temporary.

This pain,
This love,
It's all too much.
What's going on?
Why can't I let go?

Why can't I free myself from this pain, this love.

I'm a slave.
I'm hurt,
I'm hurt,
I'm hurt,
Yet I can't let go.

I try,
I try,
I TRY!

I can't...

My heart is bound to you & it hurts.
There's a fire inside of me.
I can't release this love.. it's destroying me.
I need help..

Friend: a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

In some instances, we do not choose who we are going to be friends with. It just kind of.. happens. We may be sitting alone reading a book or staring off into nothingness, and then someone walks right up to you. You don't know if you are going to be friends with this stranger. Sure, they could be attractive, have a nice personality based on what you see and hear from others.

But when that first conversation starts, there is no way back to peace and life without them.

From stranger to a weight that keeps pulling you down.
"Get rid of them! If they cared about you, they would take the time to talk." , says my brain and logic. "They have feelings too! They're really nice!", says my heart. "What did they ever do to you?"

Nothing. They did nothing.

Friends don't back-stab you, or ignore you. They don't ignore what you say or send to them. It doesn't matter how weird or inappropriate you act or speak, as long as you know where the boundaries are and you have a good heart and soul.

As Snow White takes a bite out of a poisonous apple, I too have had my share of poison apples that continue to stay by my side.

© 2018 Omni Winters

Better to have a stark reality than a fragmented facade. Rather you leave arms open than mouth closed. Say Gods name when you leave,  not refuge but defamation. Put your loyalty into your spite for me. At least you can stay consistent with it there.

I used to be abused and used for my gratification
Didn’t know being too nice was a bad situation and love was an optional feeling for people that loved to drain human beings for their own positive sanction
I was a sanctuary for your thoughts, constantly reassured of your flaws and every time my mouth hit the ground id say I love you so it would stop
I just wanted it to stop
I just wanted it to pause
I wanted you to feel the way I felt, the cards I’ve dealt, the way I fell, the heart that broke, the words unspoken, I’ve done so much here’s my token of real love you never ever felt because we were so broken
I thought we were together, sentences ended in forever, tethered by a forced part of my soul that wore protective leather and you said yes
Yes I’d do better
Yes I’d make this work
I’d land that job, I’d never hurt you again this is my promise, lets be honest, im not the best but I made you feel like ******* flawless, whether it was one week or one year everything was promised, but the bruises showed a different side of your conscious
I defended your honor, I made you look like a star, in the opposite light I was fetal in the dark, crying out for help as you reopen old scars, is what love is, have I made it so far?
Have I made it?
Is this what love is?
Just take it
Suddenly the blame is turned on me, I put myself here I deserve to be beat, maybe this time he’ll see, that the only way out is when I fall asleep
Dreaming of a better life, scared every night, maybe i’m wrong and he’s right, what if I deserve to be beat every night?
No.
You took my life from me and I’ll never forget how it felt to be held to a dead mans chest, and wish I could be free from this debt, feel real love in its whole before I lay my head to rest
But I wouldn’t do it different.
I wouldn’t ask Him to fix it.
I wouldn’t tell anyone that I’d go back and risk it.
You made me stronger than I ever could’ve been, I can defend myself now especially to him, and this I swear to the end of my time, the next person to walk into my life, I will love them unconditionally but I will take my time, and I will walk with my head held high, because I can say I made it out alive.
You didn’t **** me like you said you would, you didn’t hurt me like you said you could, and I’m the only one here that turned out to be good, and I’m good
Trust me I’m good.
I fell, I broke, and many times I choked and spit on my faith, but look at me now until I’m at the gates, and He is the only one who can judge my fate, but as He watched me enter He also watched me escape.

Loyalty doesn’t run through our blood
No matter how many times i stick the needle in my arm
I’ll never be able to be loyal to you Mother.
I’m not the perfect daughter
That truth was sealed when you gave me up.
Now look at you.
Trying to come back.
Trying to act like you didnt miss your chance
That ship sailed when you broke my bones and when you tried to **** me
Im no longer a child but you dont even know it
Im my own woman and i didnt need you to find my way
So take your knives and your guns
Your opinions and your money and just go
Get out of my life.
Stay gone for good
I dont love you. I never did
How could i when you never took the time to actually be a mother.