And the truth you can’t escape,
the one you bury under every brave smile,
is that a part of you still misses him.
Not the man he was—because he was never that man—
but the version you created,
the lie you clung to like a lifeline.
The lie that said he loved you back.

You hate yourself for it.
For the nights you still cry his name,
for the quiet corners of your mind where he still lives,
for the twisted hope that maybe, just maybe,
he looks at someone else and realizes what he lost.

But the part that destroys you the most?
It’s knowing that even now,
even after all he did,
if he showed up today,
with the same broken promises
and the same hollow smile—
you’re not sure you’d say no.

Because love, real love, doesn’t just leave.
It festers. It infects.
It becomes a parasite you can’t cut out,
even when it’s killing you.

And you know what the world doesn’t want to hear,
what no one dares admit?
You don’t hate him.
Not really.
You hate yourself.

For staying. For loving. For breaking.
For still wishing,
in the deepest, darkest part of you,
that he would come back
and this time—
this time—
it would be different.

But it won’t.
It never will.
And the hardest truth of all?
You’d have to tear yourself apart to finally let him go.
And the scariest part?
You’re not sure you want to.

the piano plays a song, sublime:
i believe it is a hateful crime -
to remind someone of a battle lost
fighting for a love, that was out of time.

I’ve waited so long to talk to you.
I’ve messaged you and have waited
to hear back from you.
I am still waiting.
At this point, time isn’t a factor.
Even if I never hear anything,
I still will wait.

The closest I get to you now
is an algorithm.
Social media suggests you
as a new friend.
As much as I would love that—
to start over and pretend,
as painful as it sounds,
to love you in restriction,
trapped by some border,
like we’re strangers.

I stare at your picture and never
swipe the notification away.
In a way, it feels like old times.
The only thing missing is your voice.
You’re with me when I go to work,
you’re with me when I am in the car.
But nothing lasts forever.
By the time I wake up,
the notification is gone,
the screen is empty,
and you’re gone.

But your eyes—
the way that you smile—
have not left my memory.

I suppose I should be satisfied
with what I have now.
I’ve tried,
but I am not

Beneath the twilight’s tender glow,
A melody drifts where soft winds go.
Once vibrant notes, now whispers low,
Of times and dreams from long ago.

A fleeting strain, a lover’s sigh,
A waltz beneath a starry sky.
Its rhythm danced through hearts so near,
Now fades to shadows we barely hear.

The keys once struck with fervent grace,
Now linger, lost, in time’s embrace.
Yet in the stillness, faint and true,
The echoes hum their mournful cue.

Oh, song of yore, where do you lie?
In whispers soft, or the weeping sky?
Perhaps within a heart’s deep sea,
Still blooms your haunting melody.

Though time may dull and mem’ries wane,
Your tune forever will remain—
An echo laced with joy and pain,
A song that sings of love’s refrain.

Missing you,
as always.
Your kind amber eyes.
The soft sound of your laughter.

The memory of you, dances between my thoughts.

Day in.
Day out.

Nothing new.

Reminiscing about a love that was in my dreams. A love that was its own chapter. The chapter been over. I’m just re reading it. Hoping for a different outcome.

But it won’t come. It never will.

If she met him in a different life,
Not this one,
Where he lost his wife;
Would she give this guy a chance,
Despite his failed and trying romance
With her.
Could she understand the shortcomings and frays,
And take a chance he's changed his ways.
Could she touch his skin, smile with her eyes,
And realize he's not the same.
That man died
In remorse and regret,
He did what she can't forget.
Now years later,
Could she live -
Not with a man she can't forgive-
But with a man who doesn't show
The hidden scars the damaged know.