two's a company
three's a crowd
but what if that crowd
was the most peace you've had?

three's a crowd
then two
then there was one

and years later you sit with nothing but the regret of growing up and growing without
nothing but the memories of love and closeness that you fear you'll never have in friends again

two's a company
three's a crowd
i'd rather drown in the masses
than drown in my solitude

As each day passes I hate myself more
Why does it seem like I’m always in the wrong?
“Know your place”, “you forgot your place” has become an axiom in my head,
I cannot help but think that I’m such a burden, inferior, useless, and shouldn’t live instead

I hate myself so much, everything is my fault no matter what I do
My character is criticised every single time,  the shadows on the wall chiding me for being such a fool
My heart’s so pain, I can’t breathe
With every breath, the more I hate me

The shadows haunt me, criticising every part of me
I need to change my entire self, the more wrong in myself I see
I hate every inch of myself, I don’t deserve to live
Why is it so painful to be criticised continuously, staying positive while taking all these in is a myth

The light casts on the shadows, bringing much happiness into my life,
My heart is full of joy during these times, the sadness and hatred becomes a lie
But when the shadows form and haunt me around at times,
I’m trapped - hatred for myself and depression hides in my cry  

“You’re weak and immature so you cry easily” was what I was told,
Weakness and immaturity adds on to my list - of the lowest lows
I can’t stop crying and wanting to self-harm, am I weak?
Or maybe those words has caused me to fail to accept any part of me

The shadows overwhelm me and engulf my sleep,
“You’re undeserving of anything”, is all the shadows have bestowed upon me
I always feel like I’m at fault even though I’ve tried, why is this so?
My character is questioned - I hate every part of my soul

I can’t help but wonder to myself…

Is the day that my tears dry,
Also the day that I die?

My crime is that
I care too much,
love too much,
trust people easily,
don't act like a regular man,
and show my wounds
to the people I love.

So I am always misunderstood
seen as stupid
and left brokenhearted,
hurt and alone.

Maybe, just maybe,
I should for once turn into
what society wants me to be—
a man with no heart,
emotions, and care.
One small change
will affect everything else

Nightly I dream of you, an image so bright and clear,
the warmth of your breath, in closeness there upon my ear.

Silk gown neck open, revealing a shoulder bare,
perfect pale flesh, draped by the tresses of your hair.

Arms reach for each other, as we draw into embrace,
a vision of splendid wonder, the beauty of your face.

Eyes that link as one as we look into the others soul,
until our lips are joined, and we become a spirit whole.

Each night I dream this, as it plays out just the same,
as you rise to go out, through the door by which you came.

How strong my heartbeat pulses, each and every night,
to give way to lonely heartache as I wake to mornings light.

not from a reflection or from

reliving an awkward *****-up

and feeling my brain crunch

Instead, I saw myself

in a dozen eyes darting mine

and in hushed murmurs with my passing by

I saw my form

in the empty space within four walls

and for the first time in a long while

I sobbed

rationality is knowing
that you are not the one for me.

irrationality is thinking
that you will realize you love me.

I should delete the thread,
I know you saw the message,
You left me on read,
But there is more to be said.