Standing outside seeming lost
Striding circles with confusion
To the side by waves I am tossed
Sea simply an illusion
Losing self I've always known
Chasing light that is fading
Where sun once brightly shone
A river of shadows I'm wading
Forever rise to fall to knees
Rusted
Bent
Bruised
A cycle of mocking memories
Reminding me I was used
The ascending sun seems further away
Round the earth slowly spins
Harder feeling its warmth every day
Scattered like bowling pins
It's taking a toll on welfare
Screams of peace of mind
Louder as life strips me bare
There is nothing good left to find
This silly sadness spawned space
The emptiness consuming my soul
A powerful demon wearing the face
Of person who once made me whole

I've spent so much time
Learning from other people's
Choices
Experiences
Mistakes
That I've grown comfortable
Living life vicariously
Through others
Instead of living life
Through me

I think it's time I learn to live

I struggled in the past
To write a respectable rhyme
More I create the harder it gets
Have to put in increasing time
But this is the first time in months
By far the most in years
Inspired I have felt
It's all thanks to my tears
Bad news is I'm crying
That means more pain
Root of excellence isn't sunshine
For me it's pouring rain
Meaning hidden in the suffering
Can't feel good 100% of the time
Otherwise things wouldn't feel good at all
Without other to compare it to
Is no difference between short and tall
I express better in shades of sorrow
Than I do in colorful rainbows and bliss
Negative emotions waiting in my soul
I try to verse happiness
Doesn't come out sounding truly authentic
That's because it's forced
Words meant to gallop freely
Not corralled
Coerced
I suffer writers block in moments of peace
In a way I'm grateful we are apart
Won't lie and say I'm not bothered by it
At least the result is some beautiful art

I did not realize the weight of all these bad decisions
Directly in the shade cast by massive collisions
Needed to move somewhere warm
Escape the cycle of snow
Garden was fading when it needed to grow
For own sanitys sake I fled
Couldn't outrun the hell inside my head

The pieces of us
Puzzle way too hard to solve
I won't stop trying