The same blood you have, is also a curse to have!
I should be glad, but I'm mad as the one dealing
with the pride of some forefathers dad.

I was taught not to place all of my blame on
how my parents had raised me.
But I can't keep blaming myself; as if they'll praise me.
I often grew up wondering what actual resemblance I
had of my dad.

The last born nobody knew, the other son all the relatives
thought was just some random nephew.
The family picture felt too big for me to be noticed in it's frame.
I felt as a son; but only a son by just the family's name.

Seems I wasn't born the same.

All the first impressions of thinking my mother
was just my aunty. Thinking I was adopted by relatives,
because my real family didn't really want me.


"Maybe I was switched at birth," I thought to myself.
We all could be walking on the same ground,
doesn't mean we're all so down to Earth.

I guess I was buried in it,
for constantly being the one to take up the family's dirt.

The theory of a twin, who died in the womb.
I've felt so incomplete. Missing the other half to make me fit.
Hoping I had died that time as a baby; when I had my first fit.

But to my twin up in Heaven I hope you're keeping that space
for both of us. By the chance my sins get ahead of me,
Could I get into Heaven by the chance of your luck?

To my father on Earth, I grew up wondering if I was ever
the son you wanted, or the one you deserved.
Maybe I secretly got on your nerves, as I felt the
disappointment in those many cuss words.

To my mother in church, I'm not your little boy anymore.
Neither that daughter you treat me as.
My manhood to peers, seemed so poor. And yet I'm the ear
that listens to all of your words, but not the mouth to tell
you my many truths by the galore.

To my brothers by name, we all knew we were never the same.
But as life went in one direction, I was the child who went
the other way. I can remember all of those harsh words
you often said. As if I'm tasting them all from too many past
yesterdays.

To my sister I never had, life could of been easier if you
were the child the family actually had.
That's all I can say, because that's all that I have.

Sighed;

The Black sheep.

The sky cries in fresh water
and my eyes write letters from the sea.

I feel like a flower that blooms with every lover that looks into my eyes;

But then the fear the engulfs me is that I will die as the season ends.

To Yemaya,

Am I enough?
I've given you everything
I've hollowed myself out I have nothing left to give
my new shell is delicate and fragile
yet you do not handle it with care
Do you not have love for me at all?

From Yemaya,
February 2021

Dear five, without you
I would not be here.
For my mom was born
In your month of May.
And my dad was born
On the fifth of June.
Both of my siblings
And I make a five
Person family crew.
My bank account would
Be empty, but for
Five random dollars
I’ve managed to save.
Would you consider
Inspiring more than
Just me? With your great
Set of multiples?
Without ten, fifteen,
Twenty-five, oh where
Would we be? Dear five,
You’re so important
To all, not just me.

Dear Gerard,
Yes, that's your name now. You'll have to get used to it.
Now that's besides the point. There will be a very hard time in your life.
Where you feel like you're not like everyone else and try to be like them.
Just F-ing embrace it. Cause that's what makes you who you are.
There will be people at different times in your life that will try to make you bad.
But don't ever let The Light Behind Your Eyes fade because of them.
There will also be a time where your thoughts get the best of you.
That's when you'll find the sheriffs of emo town.
You'll also find Patrick Stump and all of Green Day.
Then, in about a year or so, you'll find something that you didn't know was missing.
which is the show Supernatural. All of which will save your life many times.
One thing I want you to never forget is ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING.
Oh, one last thing, try to have a good relationship with your mother.

Dear darling.

I'm staring at the sun, with the light
in between your eyes; and this feeling inside
of your bright smile. Summer kisses, caught inside of
it's denial. And the filled cases of your love; trying not to
lose this trial.

It's those lips that shapes that smile; those last skins giving
depth to those thighs. And writing about you; that helps
me with these rhymes. I'm in the directions towards love;
I'll meet you by all of the signs. I'm found; but it's a new love
I still need to find.

So by the end of this short letter line,
my penned down emotions are red signed.

Sighed,

A red love you and I will find.

I love listening to music so much.

I can’t clearly explain the sensation: sweeping waves of emotion cascade through my being. Delicately wiping away any negatively-charged flotsam that had been wading through my consciousness, music pervades.

Lucky are the few who live their life inundated with the languorous luxury of music’s embrace.

I sometimes wonder if any words I say in whatever order could ever encapsulate the depths of my emotions.
I wonder if you’re aware of what you have gotten yourself into.
If every moment,every rug pulled from underneath me, all of it was to turn me into someone you could love.
I worry you do not understand what love looks like to me.
Then every worry is squished the moment you speak.
I love you does not do the emotions justice. It does not do you justice.
You are the truest emotion I’ve ever felt.
You anchor my fleeting thoughts and wandering mind. Light me ablaze and calm the storm.
My soul recognizes your own.
There simply isn't anyone else that will do, it always was and always will be you.

To my future wife...

How the present is the many moments, you and
I in our youth will cherish. But perhaps it's the future's
investment, we find so precious.

You and I haven't met, and we're all looking for
a lover of next. But why do you expect so much
from love, of that which we don't have? The tenderness
many will share to another; but what of us to tend
our own land. Do you understand; that all you
long to give, isn't as easy if it's not something you've once
received. How we live, are from lessons we've been taught
at birth, and kept to heart.

I wasn't taught how to truly love. As Love wasn't all I got.

I went out for the discovery of it, as a teen being lost. I've made
many mistakes, some that have given my character shape.
But often past mistakes, brings the present's shame.

As a lizard sheds their skins; I shed my skins of discomfort.
Vulnerable, and bare to the times I've almost lost it. (That being my love)
Beauty soon fades as with age. Some nights; the love
I give may not feel the same as yesterday's.

And I'm not one to often change; but I rather try and make it.
But why would I believe I can change one's self in the choice of
being in love with them.

"Oh I can change him/her,"
the phrase being said more than enough.

But this first letter points out the views of me, into the
views of you. And as I wrote this, the picture view of us,
being as one from two.

Sincerely;

Your future husband.