You don’t care enough to fight for me
I care so much that I don’t fight for myself

You say you have to sort yourself out
That you don’t want a relationship with me
But you still want me around?

I hope you sort yourself out
I hope you realise you want me when it’s too late to have me
I hope that you realise you love me when I love myself so much that I don’t need your attention

You’re a young boy
You have a heart of gold but your laziness over time got old
Youre going through a lot and so I am
We need time to find ourselves
I just hope that I also find myself away from the phone when I’m sad and alone

Every first message, every “I miss you” makes me feel more and more desperate and pathetic for a love and acceptance that I was never given

It’s not your fault that I lack love
Why should he have to fill a hole he never dug?

I need to do that for me
I need to do the filling on my own

So that I can be proud of myself and love myself

I’ve been filling my hole for a while why should I hand the shovel over for fives minutes?
Why should I give away sole credit for my resilience?

I’m not a project
Why am so palming off to-do lists to whoever gives me love

I didn’t need love then
I don’t need love now
I’m learning to love myself and until then I’ll share that with who deserves to be around

When I feel like quitting
I tell myself, "Take just one more step."
Then I do it.

And then again
When I feel like quitting
I tell myself, "And then take another
"Just one more step."
Then I do it again.

And again when I feel like quitting
I say, "Self, take another,
"Just one more step."
Then I do it again and again.

I keep talking to myself
And I keep going
Again and again and again.

Until there is just one more step to take
And then I say,
"Self you can do it. Take Just one more step!"
As I step into my, "I did it!"

I celebrate and celebrate
All the while
My mind is thinking
"Self, What is  next? Let's do it again!"

It is the color of love
The calmness of her hand in yours
It is the quietness
Of your empty house
It is the feeling of peace
when you down the pink Moscato
hoping it fixes your problems
Because the heat is gone
And you’re alone
It is the feeling of
Your alarm going off
Never shutting up
Always happening daily
It is a lapse in time
When you think time has stopped
When you wished
Time had stopped
And you wish you could sit there smelling the lavender flowers
And the heat making you feel
Just tired
But time continues and burst of slow
Calm winds hit you peacefully
It is the color of sadness
Because her hand is no longer there
Your bed, empty
Your pillow the endless clouds
The lavender fragment gone
Because you’ve stopped trying to imagine sunsets and how your life would be like with sight
You’ve given in
It is the color of darkness
The color of your life
But don’t fret
Because when your head hits the clouds
Our worlds are the same
For when you close your eyes
And they close theirs
Our worlds are the same
As the sunsets

This world will throw road blocks in your path
Disguised as people.
People masked with love and honesty
Men and Women adorned with fair hair and a sparkling smile.

This world will throw boulders into your path
Marking you with kisses and scars
Swaying you to stray from your goals
Asking you to give up your morals.

This world will send storms into your path
To push you back
And off the road
To hold you down.
Though through all of this,
We continue to walk
To run
Onwards.
Away from their grasping hands
And through the pelting rain and hounding thunder.
Toward the horizon shining with the ever-present idea of hope.
-ALC April 8, 2019

I won't be quiet
When you stifle my voice

I won't lay down
When you walk all over me

I won't be give up
When you crush my soul

I won't let you
Get me