is ignorance bliss or not?
i don't know
but i have a gun to my throat and
i'm wondering whether i should close my eyes

There are days where I sit on my porch
And watch the sun hang in a low,
Lazy bauble with
Spun sugar lacing the sky

There's a day I've set up a lamp
I've bought for myself
And then wash the dishes
Where pomegranate scented bubbles
Soak my rolled up sleeves

Days I force myself to do laundry
Because I hate the monotony of it
The necessity of it
Even though it's a breath of fresh air
When done

Days of filling the silence with
Gentle croons of blues and jazz
And the feeling of wet, cold paint
Between my hands and a canvas
Or the stickiness of cookie dough
Between my fingers
And the wash of heat against my face
When the oven door opens

In these small ways, somehow,
I am healing,
Though I do not know what from

Just that these scars are paling
If only a little
And the pain in my chest settles
Into something like an echo
Or a memory
Something tolerable

Something bearable.

In the quiet of this empty room
Only the sound of our voices
Echoing to emphasize
The importance of our words
Vital to our sanity
And this endless back and forth
Love me
Hate me
Create and destroy me
But for god’s sake let me be
One way or the other
Allow me the ability
To move past this twisted torture
The one where you push me away
And then spill your kindred soul
So I have no choice but to crawl right back
As sure as the sun rises and sets
Falling right back into your web
And hoping you don’t devour me

I am an escaped prisoner from barred disillusion,
A personable recluse fighting the illusion
Of an introspective extrovert who finds solace in confusion.

I wonder how it is that I find optimism alone,
When collective pessimistic thoughts condone
The woeful tales that howl and moan.

I hear voices of people that aren’t there,
Yet find myself in calmness aware
Despite their tormented accusational affair.

I see ideals living and thriving out there
Even when apathy or indifference ensnare
Battered hearts and worn out minds in despair

I want nothing more than to ‘want’ so desperately
I hold onto desire so restlessly,
That I’ve tired the being of my entity,

I am an anomalous paradox captive to the sea
Where waters churn in active disharmony,
Yet comfort as it may my tranquility.

I pretend that I’ve already staked my global legacy
As if my words, thoughts, and feelings,
Have changed the world entirely.

I feel everything as I believe it should be,
Riding the waves of intensity
In emotionally humble serendipity,

I touch the stars in remote prose,
Wandering the vast expanses without close,
Wherever my mind goes, it goes.

I worry about the future of humanity,
As if I was merely here to watch observantly
From some unknown eternity.

I cry for those in silent pain
With fake smiles of disdain
Who dare not speak for thought in vain.

I am a quiet observer of the human condition
Checking and balancing sedition
Though never granting my submission.

I understand the fallibility of the mind,
Gathering as many perspectives I can find,
Theorizing everything to which I’m inclined.

I say it’s all relative but it’s all relevant
Prone to be dominated by the prevalent
Missing the subtleties that are heaven sent.

I dream when I’m awake through my ideals,
Even when they’re still just spinning wheels,
Hoping they gain traction as time reveals.

I try to be better than the day before,
As that’s the best way to keep score,
When the world has us compared to others so much more.

I hope my legacy is genuine,
I regret nothing even when I sin,
As time wears down my wrinkled grin.

I am only human, to live and to die,
That’s about all we can be or rely,
And honestly this notion breaths me a sigh.

It starts off...
A pen, paper and nothing,
I walk through the de-sert,
With the belief I can't afford anything,
A slave to the earth,
Always wanting everything,
So I sold my soul and every limb,
All gone now I'm looking in the darkness,
A voice whispers to my skull,
FEAR ME and fearLESS
FIND ME and LOSE you,
Let ME work on what's left,
Give me your broken pieces,
I will find the rest from birth,
I will make your ugly look pretty
Just look on Jesus,
And see how a life of pain,
Turns to one more sheep to gain,
In your destruction lies HIS beauty
From a low life beggar,
To a chief in the community,
But you always remember,
Now that your brighter than the galaxy,
That pride goeth before a disaster,
And you may return back to beauty in destruction,
Like the once top creature,
That thought he was the best creation.

Time flies, you are lost.‬
Time flies when you are driven.‬
Time flies, regardless‬.