I'm playing with fire
The blaze is rising
And I don't know to stand,
Fly,
Or run.
Where do I go from here?

The feelings have become worn out just like the souls of my favorite pair of shoes.
The lust we once had has turned into  an ignored aversion.
This is no longer love we can both clearly see.
Have we been wrong all along or am I in over my head?
The days we have spent, must come to an end.
I don't know how and I don't know why, but within then and now, we lost each other in the in between.

When I write
I write in questions
Well now I ask myself; why?
Why do I have so many unanswered questions?
And the only answer
That I could muster
Was this;

I don't know.
I don't know why you left me.
I don't know what it is that's preventing my recovery.
I don't know what I'm so afraid of.
Or why I'm afraid of it.
I don't even know why I write.
And I sure as hell don't know what I'm gonna do.

what happened to the positive feelings?
did they all fade away?
what happened to your promise
to see me in person someday?
we haven't been talking,
and honestly i'm worried
what happened?
what changed?
will we never be the same?

Has the wind ever moved you to tears?
Reminded you of all your fears?
Put you in a place that rests your soul.
Understanding without it were not whole.
The earth turns but we don’t notice,
The clouds resist, the weather shows this.
But here we are eager to learn.
Forgotten knowledge for which I yearn.
Theyll understand once its too late,
This is Mother Earth not Father Time!
He cant turn the clocks back, and god cant save us!
We got here through innovation,
Creativity fed acceleration.
Lets push it in a different direction,
Try to make the “environmental” connection.
The winds of change have started to blow.
And the water from my eyes has started to flow.

I feel like I'm turning into a grey can of paint.
Y'see, pretty much everything is either black or white to me.
But for a long time, I've been noticing that I'm more stuck in this grey parabole in the middle. I'm always saying things like, "I do know, but I don't know" and, "I want it but I really don't want it". It's all very confusing and my ability to make decisions is diminishing each day I go on like this...
It's making everything seem more and more impossible...
Most days, I'm mixing slightly more with the black than the white (and vice versa). These days aren't so bad- if you've been this state for as long as I have.
Then there's the days when I am the most perfectly balanced grey you could ever lay your eyes upon; there's almost beauty in my misfortune and depleting mental stability. Days like those- a day like this...
A day like this can demolish your spirit in milliseconds. A day like this can stop you from seeing the most vibrant autumn leaves strewn across the earth, as your eyes have now turned to grey. A day like this can let your demons burst out from hiding in the cavities of your mind and start gnawing at things they shouldn't. A day like this makes you not care that all of this is happening to you, just as long as you're still as dull as your cigarette's smoke.