The girl who taught me that distant family is sometimes the closest
doesn't remember how I hurt her.

The girl who taught me how loyalty comes in a variety of ways
doesn't know how often I betray her.

The girl who taught me how great it is to be craved
doesn't know I never wanted her.

The girl who taught me that releasing your demons is okay
doesn't know I often belittle her.

The woman who taught me that I always have someone to confide in
doesn't know I don't have the confidence to.

The man who taught me to never give up on others
doesn't know how much I've given up on him.

The girl who taught me that some things are forever
doesn't know how often I've wished she and I were for never.

The man who taught me not to trust someone I once held above the stars
doesn't know that, fifteen years later, I'm still hurting from his actions.

How lost must I get in order for you to come Find me?

Is this all you can describe us as?
Is that all we were to you?
I thought, perhaps,
I had stayed up until four in the morning
on school nights and on breaks
talking to you as though,
Mutually,
nothing else mattered.

I thought, perhaps,
when you told me to wait,
that you didn't have the time,
that it would be worth my patience
(Or perhaps my lack thereof).

I thought, perhaps,
that when I saw your face,
heard your voice,
listened to you chuckle,
woke up from a half slumber and saw you watching me,
some weird mix of admiration and love and lust and passion in your quirky gaze,
we meant something to one another.

But you've revealed the truth, and that's alright.
I can find another Lily in my pond.

You are not clued into
The extensive wiring
And miscommunication within me.
You are sure as hell
Not brainy enough to
Attempt to figure it out.
So instead with your ignorance
You label me more than
That movie you hated
With all your might...
But believe me when I whisper
To myself as I cry alone at
The break of dawn that
I am nothing more than that movie
And I am everything less
Than you deserve.